For those of you who have seen this (or the ones with an ounce of intelligence) then you know that this is in fact a sexually based, softcore parody of the sci-fi cult "classic" FLASH GORDON. Needless to say (then why do I bother to say it?), if you have an affliction for sex based humor (in other words, if Beavis and Butthead is like a documentation on your everday life), then you'll get many a "chuckle" from this flick! Earth has been engulfed in a wave of sexual hysteria, as orgies are occurring in the streets! The cause? Mass hypnosis? A virus of some kind? Bad tuna perhaps? NO YOU FUCKING TWIT! It's caused by a beam of light from another planet! As Flesh Gordon (he probably got all the chicks in grade school) is returning to the US, when the beam hits his plane and an orgy erupts! With the pilots joining in, Flesh has no choice (yeah, if he's impotent!) but to grab his new "friend" Dale (it's a chick) and make a jump for it. They happen upon the laboratory of rogue scientist, Dr. Flexi Jerkoff (HAHAHAHA! Another grade school pimp) who has made a penis shaped spacecraft (available now in the Sears catalog) and has pinpointed the location of the beam's origin. On the way to the "way out" planet, the ship is caught in the path of the sex beam and have a 3way! They are then shot down to the alien planet of Porno, where they battle the dreaded Penisaurus, Lord Wang, and the sorceress Queen Amora. After giving Amora a taste of what Flesh is all about, she gives Flesh and Flexi the only thing that can counteract the sex beam... THE PASTY NIPPLES! Dale is kidnapped by a hook-handed old woman and her Amazonian cronies, and after Dale gets dyked Flesh and Flexi "save" her (I think she was startin to like it!) and fight off some robo-crab-bird thing, which an unseen friend shoots with an arrow. Prince Precious (the gay Robin Hood) is that friend, and he's the rightful owner to the throne of Porno and leader of the *ahem* "merry" men. Backed up (uggh) by their new army of queers, Flesh and friends invade Wang's fortress, only to be flushed down a toilet where they must battle, The Rapists: a group of evil robots with drills in place of their penises (like me!). After shooting a Ray Harryhausen-esque monster (who talks like Dean Martin) in the ass, Flesh saves Dale YET AGAIN, Flexi uses the pasty nipples to destroy the sex beam, and the 3 return to Earth (despite the invites of the ever flaming Prince Precious). According to the end credits, there was to be a sequel entitled THE PERILS OF FLESH! But, does it even exist?! Who knows, sometimes not even a Death God is COMPLETELY omnipotent.

Sequels: FLESH GORDON MEETS THE COSMIC CHEERLEADERS

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: LUST IN SPACE or those Daffy Duck 'toons where he's Duck Dodgers! Just tape some cut-outs from a porno mag on the screen and you're set! haha