Okay, some G Fans look at GODZILLA'S REVENGE as being a fake Godzilla flick, since all the monster action takes place in that fat little kid's dream sequences. Well, if I were to completely disregard GODZILLA'S REVENGE too, then I'd have to say that GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER is the worst G flick of this or any other era! First of all, it starts on a horrid and nightmarish note, as we're subjected to the villainy of the movie's "Save the Earth" theme song! The song is awful, but sooooooo addictive! Make it stop! Okay, maybe if I review the movie I can get it out of my head... It all starts when some old fisherman catches a big, weird looking tadpole. This tadpole is just one of many mutants that have been fished out of the bay recently, and it's caught the concern of a scientist and his family. Elsewhere, a much larger tadpole thingy (named Hedorah) destroys some freight ships. Yep, turns out there's many Hedorah, all born of sludge and pollution, and they can bond together to make a much bigger Hedorah! It's not long before the Hedorah get together and evolve, turning into some sloth-like monster and making his way to land, so he can feast upon the air pollution from some factory smoke stacks. So, he gets rid of the pollution right? Nope, because he releases acrid gasses of his own! Yes, Hedorah farts are apparently worse than factory pollution. Anyway, it's not long before Japan's apparent answer to Captain Planet, Godzilla, shows up for round one (as he attempts to "take pollution down to zero")! Despite Hedorah's acid loogies, Godzilla's radioactive breath sends his sludgy ass back into the ocean. During their fight, gobs of Hedorah flew off, becoming BLOB creatures, which were then mineralized when hit by stray sparks from Godzilla's breath. Around this time, we learn that Hedorah apparently came here on a meteorite, and is a mineral based creature, which means that enough electricity will dry him out and kill him. The humans seem doomed, as even "hip kids" throwing torches are powerless against the toxic might of Hedorah! But, to prove that they don't rely entirely on Godzilla to save their butts, the scientist constructs two big electrodes and plans to get Hedorah between them, zapping him with the aforementioned electricity and drying him up. Of course, Godzilla shows up to take another stab at Heddy, but this time he gets bombarded by Heddy's eye beam and bathed in his toxic diarrhea! Elsewhere, the power source for the electrodes has been cut and everyone's screwed as Heddy draws ever closer! But, G gets his second wind, holding Heddy between the electrodes as he uses his breath to power the contraption... how the FUCK did he know to do that?! Then, after Heddy's been turned to a big dried pile, Godzilla reaches into said pile, yanks out Heddy's testicles (well, they're round, white, there's two of 'em, and they ain't his eyes!), then warms up the electrodes again and turns Heddy's balls to dust. Somehow though, Hedorah's not dead yet, and he flies out of his dried up shell and attempts escape! However, Godzilla pursues in possibly his most embarrassing action to date: he curls up and uses his atomic breath to project him through the air... I kid you not, he actually flies through the air in a fetal position, courtesy of his nuclear fire! I have no idea what was in the opium this flick's writers were smoking, but Godzilla catches Hedorah once more. After beating him around, he takes the walking compost heap back to the electrodes, fries him AGAIN, then rips out his gooey innards and fries THEM too. Finally, he strolls of victoriously, with nothing but heavy burns and facial scarring to show for this atrocity known as GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER. But, not to worry ladies, cuz the G Man will be back as good as new for his next flick! "Go Planet!"... errr, "Go Godzilla!" In summary, I have NO respect for this flick! Not just because it was all "save the planet" and shit, or because of those stupid animated scenes, or even because of the damn theme song (FUCK MONKEYS! I almost had it forgotten!), but because it defeats every purpose Godzilla was created for! Why would one creature spawned from man's mistakes, meant to be a punishment for man's destruction of Mother Nature and each other (Godzilla), SAVE that same humanity from a creature that is ALSO empowered by mankind's fuck ups, and is therefore ALSO supposed to be Mother Nature's vindicator (Hedorah)?! If anything, they should've worked TOGETHER to trounce everything! So, by my logic, Hedorah might have actually worked in his own movie, or fighting someone else, like Mothra. But, definitely NOT against someone like Godzilla, whom he should be allying himself with... friggin' tree huggers... so busy trying to make a point that they defeat themselves...

Also Known As: GODZILLA VS. HEDORAH

Sequels: Actually, the older series of Godzilla flicks never really connected with each other, so I guess they're technically not sequels...

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: GODZILLA VS. BIOLLANTE or GAMERA VS. ZIGRA