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Highlander

(1986)

Wait! You might be able to better understand this Highlander stuff if you check out my Highlander guide: Immortality for Dummies first!

"From the dawn of time we came...". Wait a minute, you may be thinking to yourself "who's we?", well, "we" be immortals hiding amongst "normal" humans and lobbing each other's heads off till only one is left standing... oh, and "we" listens to Queen... and if "we" all be like Connor McCloud, "we" also watch professional wrestling! If you are as confused as I am right now, don't feel bad. According to the HIGHLANDER story there is a race of immortal beings mixing amongst us normal folk (well, YOU normal folk, for I am a God in an avatar's husk) and all battle for the right to become the last immortal on Earth, gaining God-like powers. How do you kill a so-called immortal? LOB HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!!!! And that's just what Connor (Christopher Lambert) does in the opening sequence of this movie. Connor and some dude in a suit duke it out in a parking garage, Connor takes away his breathing permit, steals his power, and gets nabbed by the 5-0. Sounds like one of my Thursday nights (well, when the Tribunal of the Gods screws me out of my overtime pay). As you can guess, Connor is one of the last of the immortals, having survived for centuries, kickin' ass and takin' heads. There's only one other guy he needs to worry about: a barbarian bad-ass named Kurrgan (yes, like the wrestler). Their history together makes the whole Kurrgan/Connor feud that much more personal. Yes, thanx to the wonderment that is "flashbacks" we get to see the story of how Connor first realized he was immortal, how his friends and family reacted, and what Kurrgan did to make Connor's eternal life a living Hell! Now how much would you pay? Connor's past reads like this: he's from Scotland, back in the days when BRAVEHEART was a way of life. When Con was still a "lad" he was in a big battle. In said battle, he gets run through by a big black knight (Kurrgan) and Con's buddies tear Kurrgan off Con before he can decapitate the poor "boyo". It freaks out his clan when Con not only survives the attack, but heals at an amazing speed from such a fatal blow. They brand him a tool of Satan, excommunicate him, and throw rotten produce at him! Wahoo! Compost chuckin'! 5 years later, ol' Con is bumpin' uglies with a new babe when some guy named Juan (Sean Connery) pops in to give Con the scoop on his immortality. After getting struck by lightning (known as "the Quickening"), nearly drown (were he mortal), and getting his ass beaten for long periods of time, Con finally "schools" his teacher. But, Juan is killed by Kurrgan one day while Con is out of town. I was confused... since "there can be only one", then why didn't Juan just kill Con for his own preservation? WHY THE FUCK DID HE TRAIN HIM!? Anyway, years after Kurrgan's assault on Juan, Con's wife, and Con's tower-house, I can now tell you the future! Well, actually it's the present... and it's just Con's... not yours... uhm, forget it, I have de-railed! Okay, a forensics woman and Con fall for each other, Kurrgan harasses Con in a church (holy ground is the Switzerland of the immortals: completely neutral, no fighting), and soon enough Con shows his immortality to Brenda (his new bitch) by stabbing himself in the heart and surviving (and since chicks dig tricks, they then show each other their "private collections" heh heh). But, Kurrgan swipes Brenda, Con and Kurg have their final battle, and thanx to Brenda's last minute help, Connor walks away with his head in tact and with the powers of a God! But, the only power Con gets is the ability to hear the thoughts of the entire world... so he and Brenda run off to Scotland together... the end. Man, if that's all you got when you became a God, I wouldn't have signed on... trust me, Godhood is ALOT better then this! This movie kicked ass! I loved it! I thought it was gonna be another of those "oh God, another fucking 'cult classic' crap-fest!", but it was actually good! Kudos! Oh, and you gotta see the drunken duel flashback! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

DVD X-tras: For openings, we get a sweet little trailer, filmos for the major cast members (Clancy Brown's includes an article on him from STARLOG magazine: the mother to Fangoria), and a commentary track from the director and the producers. Also, there's a heaping helping of production stills, publicity photos, memos and notes passed between the creators, articles about the movie from magazines and newspapers (USA Today gave the movie one star haha), and a viewing of the script and some production notes! Before this, I never realized that, not only was Russel Mulcachy a music video director, but the director of RAZORBACK as well! Also, to add to that HUGE sea of media, we also get a few deleted scenes put back into the movie, featuring the story behind Connor and his adopted daughter/secretary, Rachel as well as a cool office fight between Kurrgan and immortal businessman! Damn, that's ALOT of shit to help waste some time on! An excellent DVD for HIGHLANDER fans, but I hope your weekend's free...

Sequels: HIGHLANDER 2: THE QUICKENING/HIGHLANDER 2: RENEGADE VERSION, HIGHLANDER: THE LAST DIMENSION, and HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME

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