Wait! You might be able to better understand this Highlander stuff if you check out my Highlander guide: Immortality for Dummies first!

If ever there has been an unnecessary sequel, HIGHLANDER 2 is it! You're probably thinking the same thing I thought when I first heard of this move, "But, if Connor was the last of the immortals, then who the fuck is he supposed to fight now?!". Well, let us see, shall we? Okay, it's August 1999 and the Ozone Layer has been depleted to nothing (yeah, just like the Terminator war of 1997 that we all remember, or good ol' Big Brother of 1984). But, thanx to Connor Macleod and a team of scientists, a large pseudo-Ozone Layer is created. Too bad they didn't stop to think that it would also block the sun's rays, hurling the Earth into a throw back of the 1940's and Macleod now looks like he's 60! Now, here's where the movie gets annoying and stupid to the point of madness. Okay, rewind back 500 years prior, to some way out planet called Zeist. A band of revolutionaries stand up to the tyranny of General Katana (who looks like the illegitimate 2nd cousin of Jack Nicholson... with a HUGE stress vein on his head!) and Connor is chosen to be their leader with the help of his old friend Juan Ramirez and "the Quickening"... yep, you heard me, Connor and Ramirez are really aliens... it just gets worse from here. The rebels are put down like the mongrels they are, and for their treason, Macleod and Ramirez are exiled to Earth, where they will become immortal, until they are either decapitated or they are the last Zeistian on Earth... although, not even death can separate Connor and Ramirez... aw, the power of love... I told you it just gets worse! Ya gotta wonder though, "immortality as a punishment?". Yeah, that Katana guy sure is a ruthless guy... Back to the present (or is it the future?), where some Neo-Green Peace, tree-hugging hippie chick has convinced the elderly Connor to shut down his evil, sun blocking shield. Meanwhile, General Katana (yep, 500 years later, and the people of Zeist have yet to overthrow him) sends some third rate assassins (emphasis on the "ass"ass") to Earth to finally off the elderly Connor. But, when one of the hosers get decapitated by a train, Con absorbs the guy's powers, becoming the young Con once more. He obviously disposes of the other goons with ease. Meanwhile, over in Scotland, after Con becomes his old self again, his mentor and pal Juan Ramirez (Sean Connery) is resurrected or something. So now Con got his own Casper?! What the fuck is going on here?! Who the Hell sanctioned this! Ok Anub... settle down... just pop some pills and everything will be happy again... calm blue ocean calm blue ocean calm blue ocean.... Okay, I'm okay now... back to the evil evil movie. Let's wrap this thing up quickeningly (hey, bad joke for a bad movie): It's Con, Ramirez the Friendly Ghost, and Con's hippie girlfriend against Katana and the evil businessman who now controls the sun blocker shield. Ramirez winds up sacrificing his life energy to stop a big quisinart from hacking up Con, then Con goes off to lob Katana's head off, ironically with the weapon of the same name. Our hero then uses his stupid quickening powers to blow up the shield's generator, bringing a merciful conclusion to the insane and nonsensical movie. What's the whole story here anyway? I mean, why couldn't Hollywood leave well enough alone and NOT made a HIGHLANDER sequel?! It was perfectly fine before: Con becomes the last immortal, thereby becoming a God. Why destroy that great movie?! The makers of HIGHLANDER 2 must've had a mad on for the first film, deciding that the only way to truly ruin the movie and insult all of it's fans was to make this disturbingly terrible movie. They probably thought, "But, it's got Sean Connery! People will love it!"... stupid bastards. On the plus side, there was some nice visuals, spiffy explosions, and fair acting. Plus there was a cool AND amusing scene, where Con and Ramirez are ventilated thusly, as well as Katana's fairly amusing subway car rampage. Hell, if it didn't have the HIGHLANDER name on it, it might've been a pretty good movie. They could've called it something like FUTURE GHOSTS or GALACTIC GUYS IN THE FUTURE CUTTING EACH OTHER'S HEADS OFF, but I digress. Then again, I don't know if even Roger Corman would touch this story with a 30ft rubber monster appendage! "Vigilante 8", you are my only refuge!

Sequels: HIGHLANDER: THE FINAL DIMENSION, HIGHLANDER: ENDGAME

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE or THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK