No, this isn't a documentary on Anna Nicole Smith's titties, or Steven Segal's ego, it's your classic "group of teens on 'deserted' island battle big mutant" story. It starts off on Labour Day (I thought it was 'Labor') 1946, a drunk man is raping a woman, minding his own business, when a bunch of nosy German Shepherds tear him a new asshole. 36 years later, a group of horny teens get stranded on an island, where they find an abandoned house and plenty of skeletal remains. One of the teens, Nick, is your stereotypical tough guy: he treats chicks like shit, acts macho, wears a muscle shirt, and points a loaded gun at his brother. You know HE'S gonna die! And, sure enough, he gets a visit from your's truly. So, it turns out the rape victim gets pregnant from her first fuck and has a mutant baby from the experience. It's like some religious brainwashing movie to scare kids out of having sex before marriage! Well, the kid grows up believing that society is evil, and he must kill any dorks that should happen upon the island. Not to deviate from the horror movie flight path, the heroine is the only one who survives the monster's "rampage" and sets him on fire. Wahoo... I knew this story 10 minutes into the damn movie! Also, the thing was FAR too dark! I had to guess what was happening 70% of the time! It was worse than the lighting in "Dawn of the Mummy"! Uggh, this thing is lucky it didn't wind up on the bottom of the barrel where it belongs! Why? I have NO idea.

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: BLOODY NEW YEAR or BLEEDERS