Yep, the carnivorous vegies return once more, in "Part IV of the Tomatoes Trilogy", as Gangreen and his good-for-you minions make their mark on the big cheese, France. John Astin returns once more as the off balanced Dr. G(angreen) as does Olympic athlete Steve Lindquist as Dr. G's human sidekick Igor, short shorts and all. The same creators from the horrible KILLER TOMATOES STRIKE BACK return to the flick too, including director John DeBello (who had a role in one of my favorites, CAST A DEADLY SPELL) and his writer/producer amigos Constantine Dillon and J. Stephen Peace (who have done nothing out of the tomatoes genre except HAPPY HOUR).

Based on "a synopsis on the back cover of a paperback copy of 'the Man in the Iron Mask'", KILLER TOMATOES EAT FRANCE follows the globe hopping exploits of American college student Michael (as in "J. Fox"... no, it's not really him) as he searches the country of wine and hairy stinky people for romance and dirty sex... a country known for unclean hairy people would not be my first choice for these things. Anyway, he's not the only one in France as Dr. G is there too, member of the forgein exchange prisoner program. Once there, he is liberated from confinement by a new batch of animatronic tomato puppets (inspired by the cartoon) and his fruitful, errr, "faithful" sidekick Igor.

Now free to torment the world with produce once again, Dr. G sets up his plan to use his tomato legions to help bring about a prophecy that will put Igor on the throne of France. It's a long and complicated prophecy which I won't go into detail here, but trust me, Dr. G has a way to make it work. As for Mike, he meets the new love of his life, the only good looking native girl in France, Marie. Oh, by the way, as an unwritten law of Hollywood, all French women are called Marie and all French men are reffered to as "Frenchy". Problem is, Mike's Marie isn't satisfied with her physical appearance. It's not what you think though, because she feels she's not fat enough... beautiful girl with no self esteem? Let Anub have 15 minutes alone with her and she'll be feelin' REAL good, heh heh. Marie thinks she's underweight because the only images in France are Renaissance paintings, so she thinks the "big is beautfiul" theory still applies to the world of vanity... Mike's struck sexual gold... uhm, I'm not talking about S+M and golden showers and shit, I mean Mike's hit the XXX lottery. Seriously. Okay, now stop thinking about golden showers. And don't even start thinking about "mudslides" either! Oh jeezus, what have I started!!!! Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean...

Alright, tirade averted. Mike and Marie go to a concert featuring Mike's old college pal F.T., who has become to France what David Hasslehoff is to Germany: a living god of rock. Oh yeah, and if you've forgotten who F.T. is, he's the result of a botched experiment by Dr. G from RETURN OF THE KILLER TOMATOES, a failed experiment which resulted in a Fuzzy Tomato, hence the nickname F.T. The squicking furball has appeared in KILLER TOMATOES STRIKE BACK too, so it's no surprise he returns for EAT FRANCE. This time, Dr. G actually needs the little drain clog for his evil sceme, so he and his devilish cohorts dress up as Santa Claus, kidnap F.T., and replace him with a metalheaded doppelganger that goes about insulting the humans, whipping up some anti-tomato hysteria! When Mike and Marie try to rescue F.T. from Dr. G's castle fortress ("How can we afford all this on my mental disability check?"), Mike is trapped in the harrowing tortures of Dr. G's "Basement of Death" where he is nearly devoured by hungry washing utilities and savage clutter! Only Mike's quick thinking (and a few script revisions) save him in time. As for Dr. G, he completes the next step of his nefarious evil deeds, beginning another Great Tomato War on the terra of France! If nothing else, you gotta enjoy this movie for the cheesy battle scenes, which include giant plastic army men and wind up tanks!

Serving in the war to prove his manliness to Marie, in the trenches Mike meets the real prophesized would-be king, Louis ("I always wondered why my last name was 'the 17th'", played also by Steve Lundquist). Now, with the true kind-to-be on his side, Mike and Louis, joined by F.T., storm Dr. G's fortress omce more. In a battle that would make Bruce Campbell proud (or possibly mildly amused), Steve Lundquist battles himself, as Louis and Igor duke it out! The true king is defeated though, as Igor gets support from the evil tomatoes... and a football helmet. As Louis is restrained, Mike and Marie face down Dr. G's latest weapon, the Phan-tomato of the Opera: a really big tomato that breathes thermo-nuclear fire. They defeat the monster with a 19th century Patriot missile, joining the freed Louis and F.T afterwards and head for Dr. G and his produce posse. Then a bunch of stuff happens...

Before you know it, Dr. G has been defeated, Louis and Marie are the new King and Queen o' France and Dr. Gangreen and his minions have been forced to retreat in their hot air balloon... with your car stereo! HAHAHAHAHAH! Fiendish laugh goes here! But, just so Mike doesn't lose out, Marie leaves Louis and her royal status so she can go with Mike, happy ending for all I guess. Before the credits though, the producers wrap everything up with a fairly amusing disclaimer.

In my opinion, EAT FRANCE is the best KILLER TOMATOES to date. The problems with STRIKE BACK have been mostly taken care of, namely the lack of the classic KILLER TOMATOES theme music and the involvment of Rick Rockwell. However, though the theme's music was present here, it was purely orchestral, lacking amusing lyrics. The acting was over-the-top without the annoyance and disgust, while the gags were actually pretty amusing! Besides, any flick that makes parody of the French is okay in my book!... or at least mediocre. Will the tomatoes return to striike terror and amusement into the hearts of humans everywhere? Guess that depends on whether Dillon, Peace, and DeBello have earned enough on their income taxes. That reminds me, what do failed Hollywood people do for alternative forms of employment? Is Dillon a Burger King employee? Possibly manager? Could Peace be a car wash attentdent? Possible car wash owner? And what about DeBello? Perhaps he's making safety videos for for fast food joints, or even directing car wash commercials! Whatever it is they're doing, I wish them luck. Now, all hail David Hasslehoff!

Sequels: So far, this is the end of the "Killer Tomatoes" series

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: THE NAKED GUN 33 1/3 or SLAPSTICK OF ANOTHER KIND... Marty Feldman!