Monkeybone
(2001)
Fraser (THE MUMMY and AIRHEADS) plays Stu Miley, an independent cartoonist whose brain child "Monkeybone" has just been picked up by "the Comedy Channel" for distribution and is about to become the biggest vulgar 'toon since "South Park"... of which this whole situation is obviously a parody. It's blatantly apparent that Stu's name too is a gag, as, when shortened it becomes S. Miley, i.e. "Smiley". So, as decreed by me, for the rest of this review, Stuart's gonna be referred to as Smiley. Okay, the merchandise offers are already being heaped on Smiley's starving artist shoes, everything from Monkeybone phones to slippers to all kinds of shit like that there. But, being the true "visionary artist" type, Smiley's not in it for the money. Despite pleas by his manager Herb (Dave Foley of "the Kids in the Hall" and "Newsradio") and offers from the good people at Burger God, Smiley's not interested in the sell out life... Burger God, heh heh, that was one of my old nicknames back at Diety University. My peers also labeled me "Mr. All Beef Patty", "the 10 Inch Diety", and "You Fat Son of a Whore" back in them days. Ah, the old days of reading, writing and evisceration. Like I said, Smiley's not into the big money, as he's more preoccupied with proposing to his girlfriend/mental savior Julie (Fonda)... but a little accident with a big inflatable Monkeybone puts the brakes on the matrimonial intentions as Smiley winds up comatose in the hospital! Giant inflatable monkeys: the silent killers of today's slackers.
After Smiley lapses into vegetable status, his consciousness goes to where all comatose folk go: Downtown. Kinda like the weigh station to the great beyond, the souls of the physically suspended hang out here until they either get a reprieve and go back to the land of living, or taste oblivion at the end of the Reaper's scythe and just die. So, while Smiley awaits his fate in Downtown, he hangs out at the local pub and sucks Martinis out an IV tube while playing with his monkey... Monkeybone that is! Yes, here in the land of dreams and nightmares and emotional baggage, Smiley's comatose ass has to deal with his own creation(s), and let me tell you, the little simian is quite the pain-in-the-ass. Meanwhile, back in the real world, Smiley's body is hooked up to numerous tubes and other life support. If he doesn't wake up in 3 months, his sister's giving the word to have the plugs pulled. See, their father suffered long on life support and the grim siblings made a pact that, if one of them should wind up in a similar situation, the other would have the plug pulled and end it without too much suffering... or hospital expenses. So, despite Julie's hopes, if Smiley doesn't find a way back in 3 months, he's gonna croak! But first, a pajama party with Hypnos, God of Dreams!
At the party, Smiley watches a little tv. On the tube? A live feed of Julie's nightmares! In this episode, she has a bad dream about Smiley getting the plug pulled on himself and deflating into a pile of flesh. But, to give her hope, Smiley bangs on the screen and Julie actually hears him! Filled with new hope, she comes up with a plan to shock Smiley back to consciousness: nightmare juice. See, Julie was Smiley's psychologist once. Back when he was having spooky nightmares and visions of evil, mutated surgical procedures (I think the guy's just been watching too much BEETLEJUICE), Smiley seeked help for his tortured brain. This help came in the form of Julie, whom he would fall in love with for saving him from his own madness. He would also turn this love into the lucrative property Monkeybone. Well, being a shrink, Julie decides to use a nightmare hormone she's isolated and inject a large dose of the juice into Smiley in the hopes it'll be so bad his mind won't have a choice but to awaken! That or it'll completely shut his brain down... well, I'm guessing. Back in Downtown, Smiley and Monkeybone got their own plan: sneak into Death's realm, snag a golden Exit ticket and high tail it back to reality!
When they get to Death's head office, who should they find playing the Grim Reaper, none other than Miss Center Square herself: Whoopi Goldberg. Not only am I insulted that I'm being portrayed by second class and obnoxious "comedian" Whoopi Goldberg, but where'd she find time to make a movie?! I figured burning out the rest of her pathetic life in syndication as star of "the New Hollywood Squares" would be a full time job! And I figured whatever free time she had would be spent crying over failures like THEODORE REX and JUMPING JACK FLASH... Anyway, our heroes grab the ticket and split, just narrowly avoiding capture and making their way back to Downtown so Smiley can escape the big plug pull! Or, he would have, if Monkeybone hadn't clocked him with a pipe wrench and taken the ride himself! Yes, Smiley's sidekick has turned on him and taken over his Earthly form at the last minute. So, though Smiley's alive, his mind isn't exactly well! As for Smiley, well, breaking into Death's realm and stealing an Exit ticket is looked upon rather unkindly and he's thrown into Downtown prison with others like him who tried to pull the same trick. These other inmates include the likes of Stephen King (who plays himself, trapped there by his animal creation Cujo), Jack the Ripper, Lizzie Borden, Eddy Allen Poe, Ghenghis Khan, etc. etc. etc. You get the idea. So, he's stuck eating old popcorn and Skittles off a dank floor with some of history's biggest nut jobs while Monkeybone's up doing bedroom acrobatics with Julie... hey, if it's still Smiley's body only with Monkey's brain, does this still count as cheating?
Turns out that this was all a scheme planned by Hypnos! Seems that for some odd reason, Hypnos wants to induce more nightmares into people, hence why he tricked a bunch of murderers and disturbed writers into the same trap. When he learned that Smiley's babe Julie had discovered the nightmare hormone and created a synthetic batch of the stuff, what better way to get his hands on it and disturb a lot of people's sleep than to send a minion up into Smiley's body and take the concoction for himself! Enter the backstabbing chimp. However, while he's doing that, Smiley's isn't helpless, as he's got the lovely Miss Kitty (Rose McGowan looking pretty hot with the right make-up): an Egyptian babe with a little more pussy to her than your average human female! So, our hero escapes while Monkey's signing off Smiley's name to a bunch of propaganda and merch that the "artist" Stu would've just said "no" to. One of these products is a farting Monkeybone doll, and what better way to pass on the nightmare juice than in mist form, sprayed from a toy chimp's ass! Looks like Smiley better hurry before a lot of people have bad dreams! How this is supposed to benefit Hypnos, I'm still unsure, but hey, all movies need a plot line, right? Nothing like a good old fashioned evil scheme to carry a movie... and this is nothing like a good old fashioned evil scheme! Back to Smiley, he sneaks back into Death's realm, only to be captured this time. Taking pity on poor Smiley's story though, she decides to send Smiley back to the land of the living with a loaner body, giving one hour to prove his love for Julie and say anything to her he wanted to before his untimely accident... and possibly to foil Monkey's fiendish plot with enough time to propose to the broad he loves.
So, with a swift kick to the ass, Smiley's sent back to Earth in the body of a dead gymnast (Chris Kattan of "Saturday Night Live" and HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL) with a broken neck who's being plucked of his organs by some greedy surgeons... and that's the BEST Whoopi Goldberg can do folks. Duct taping his gaping surgery hole shut, Smiley hops off the operating table and leads the surgeons on a chase, making a break for the art museum, where Monkey Smiley plans to pawn off his farting nightmare dolls. But first, he has to ruin a perfectly good Commodores song... brick house my hairy jackal ass! But, making good use of his loaner body's physical prowess and all around, uhm, limberness, Smiley makes it to the museum, explains the situation to Julie, proposes to her proper-like, then gets into a chase with his errant body snatching creation. One high flying balloon duel later and the two plummet to their deaths. When they show up back in Downtown, Death is waiting with her giant evil robot... I don't get it either, but the thing looks very weird. Being the kind African-American deity she is, Death spikes Monkeybone back into Smiley's head to make him a whole man, then gives him a reprieve, booting him square in the ass and sending him back to his own corpse... which doesn't seem all that bad considering the fall it took. The obligatory happy ending follows where Smiley and Julie live happily ever after as man and psychologist... and a purple faced Herb urges us to get nekkid... long story which you'll have to see the movie to understand.
The movie's obvious high point was the insane special FX, which isn't a shock, why else would Tim Burton glue his name to it? Settings, characters, all around insanity made solid thanx to the massive FX, costume and make-up crews. The story itself was an amalgamation of mature situations, immature humor and oddly child-like innocence and played out well. Solid direction by Selick too. My only problems really were the two major players: Stu and Monkeybone. The rest of the characters were fine, some were just great... except for the leads. First off, me no like Brendan Fraser. I liked him in AIRHEADS as a heavy metal buffoon and he's not even that bad as an action hero in THE MUMMY, but any other roles and he's just too, I don't know, big and dumb. Monkeybone itself was like an animated version of Jim Carey with a tail and a hat... and me no like Jim Carrey either. So, were it not for the disturbingly high annoyance factor of the lead characters, this may have been an enjoyable film. If you're into eye candy and can withstand a Brendan Fraser "tour de force", try out MONKEYBONE. If you're like me and like Henry Selick's work minus the Fraser, just stick with your special edition NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS DVD and take a note from those overrated Limeys the Beatles and just, "let it be". Ewwww, I just used a Beatles quote! Excuse me while I go down to the basement and beat Ringo Starr with a length of pipe... Strawberry Fields my hairy jackal ass!
Sequels: None
If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS or BEETLEJUICE
