Definitely up there with THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST as one of the greatest man-eat-man flicks the Tomb has ever known, MOTEL HELL combines TCM with some of the better aspects of EATING RAOUL to make a darkly humorous Rorey Calhoun-o-rama! Our story focuses on the brother-sister duo of Vincent (Calhoun) and Ida (my sister in 30 years): a couple of backwoodsy folk who run the good ol' Motel Hello. Out of the Motel, they sell their famous smoked meats to customers and passers-by. Pretty normal in a DELIVERANCE sort of way, right? Well, here's where the fun stuff comes in! See, "it takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent's fritters!", as the slogan would say, and to get these "special ingredients", Vince has to go out and do a little hunting each night. Where as most hunters stick to the forests and meadows though, Vince goes to the ever reliable highway! Yep, the smoked meats are made with always tangy homo homo-sapien meat! Well, one night, as Vince is "restocking" the meat supply, he takes out a motorcycling couple. Problem though, as the babe survives! Now, not being the kind to let an animal suffer, Vince does the A.S.P.C.A. thing, and takes the girl back to the motel, so he and Ida can nurse her back to health. Terry (the chick) pulls through, but is devastated when she hears her biker boyfriend is corpsed up. She takes solace, for some disturbing reason, in the arms of Farmer Vincent though. As their relation grows, Vince must still hide from her the little side business as he and Ida proceed to capture folk, hack up their vocal cords, and bury them up to their necks in the backyard, preparing them for processing! He manages pretty well in hiding it, thanks mostly to his overly hormonal kid brother and sheriff of the county: Bruce. Think of him as the human half-breed offspring of Deputy Dog and Barney Fife (I think that's how you spell it). Well, while Vince and Ida do their job, Bruce takes Terry out, trying to slip his greased up piggy hooves in her panties. But, Bruce's "suave" attempts are to on avail, because... she wants to ride Vincent's withered old bone! But, since Vince is one of those insipid conservative types, he insists on only fucking his wife. So, he proposes to Terry and the two plan to get married! Christ! Even Rorey Calhoun gets more tail than I do! Bruce though, in his rage of jealousy, thinks that Terry's been brainwashed or something, and when he goes to try ad kick Vince's ass, he uncovers the misdeeds that brother and sister have been up to! He then tells Terry as Vince and Ida's cash crop dig themselves free, hungry for revenge! Vince admits to his evil deeds, but when he invites Terry to join him and Ida in their culinary mischief, she spits in his face like the snobby bitch she is. This leads to a final battle between Vince (wearing a pig's head!) and Bruce. The weapons? Chainsaws of course! Sadly, Vince loses though, and while that happens, the walking ingredients find and beat Ida, burying her upside down in the ground. It ends with a startling revelation, as Vince's dying words are, "I used preservatives", the ultimate food processing sin. Then, for a final laugh, the "o" at the end of the Motel Hello sign explodes. Seriously, this is one damn fine flick! Not only are we privy to the workings behind a successful cannibalism business and one sweet mother of a chainsaw duel that's up there with the ones seen in TCM 2 and PHANTASM II, but we also get Rorey Calhoun doing what he does best: standing and walking! The thing had this whole surreal redneck appeal to it, but plenty of dark and subtle humor to keep it interesting! Plus, ya gotta love the variety of victims that go into Farmer Vincent's smoked meats. Everything from ski-bunny hookers to a swingers couple! There's even a cheesy heavy metal band called "Ivan and the Terribles", featuring Mr. Cliff Claven (the mailman on "Cheers"): John Ratzenberger! Trust me on this kiddies, if you don't like Motel Hell, well... then you can go fuck yourselves, because I loved it!

Sequels: Nope

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: EATEN ALIVE or TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE PART 2