I've been a little split on the works of Lucio Fulci. When I was vastly disappointed by ZOMBIE, I thought Fulci was just some overrated hack that the collective social misfits known as "horror fans" liked simply because he was Italian. But, then I saw THE GATES OF HELL and my Impression of Fulci improved, but I was still uncertain as to if Fulci could really impress me... he has. NEW YORK RIPPER is one of the most gruesome, vulgar, and brutal flicks I've ever had the pleasure of judging! We open on a positive note, when an old man's dog fetches him a decomposed human hand! Then, we get "treated" to some terrible "CHiPS"/"Dallas" theme music before rolling into our story. Seems there's a killer stalking the streets of New York City (hence the title), murdering beautiful young women, but NOT with the intent of rape (?!). This clue leads me to believe that the ripper is either a woman, or one of those nutless priests. But, you'll just have to find out (don't worry, I'll spoil it like always)! Handling the case (and his prostitute girlfriend heh heh) is Lt. Williams, who's been getting phone calls from some guy who quacks (who is he, Howard the Duck on a bender?!) alot. I could make a million and one duck jokes, but I'll spare you. Anyway, Lt. Williams is on the case (and his prostitute girlfriend heh hhe), checking up a number of leads. One of his few GOOD leads comes in the form of a survivor of one of the Ripper's attacks! Her name's Fay, and she's an Olympic hopeful for something. Fay also thinks that her very own boyfriend Peter may be the ripper (she's been dreaming it anyway), but since she conveniently couldn't get a good look at the guy's face, she's still unsure (though in hindsight, I'd say it's a safe bet!). But, Williams' prime suspect (so you know it's NOT him) is some 8 fingered greaseball. Though he doesn't look bright enough to be pulling the Ripper's tricks: using payphones (don't know how he kept the call connected though) and walkie-talkies to send the cops on a wild goose (in this case, 'duck') chase. But, he's soon marked off when he pops up suffocated in a plastic bag! Also, Williams' whore girlfriend is the ripper's next victim, as he carves up her eye and tit (including a gruesome nipple cleaving!). Anyway, it's finally revealed that Peter IS in fact the notorious Ripper. He's been killing these girls at the wish of his dying daughter. Turns out she's got an incurable disease, in which her arm and leg had to be amputated, and she'll be daddy's little corpse before she gets to enjoy womanhood. So, in her spiteful mood she's convinced her dad to go on a mission of vengeance and slaughter hot chicks out of her jealousy, using the 8 fingered Greek (sounds like a gay card game) as bait for the chicks... sure, I bet all women find guys with mutilated hands irresistible... But anyway, Fay stumbles onto the duo's secret and, refusing to play the victim TWICE in the same flick, stabs Pete repeatedly until Williams shows up and blows a sizable chunk of his face off! This has surpassed THE GATES OF HELL as my ultimate Fulci flick! How could a simple slasher flick do such a thing? Two simple things: gore and mystery! I'm ashamed to say that I didn't realize it was Pete as the ripper, but I'm PROUD to say that the graphic gore made me tingle with evil delight! Those disturbingly great carving scenes MADE this movie for me! I just have one wish: return NYC to the sleazy, pre-Guilliani hell-hole it was in the early 80's! Much better equipped for perverts like me and Krissy! When you could walk into a theater and pay just $5 to watch people fucking like rabbits! Hmmmm, I wonder if I could find a job like that... you know, to pay for "college".

DVD X-tras: There's a really graphic trailer, which features some of the film's more brutal moments. There's also this bio on Fulci, where he says he didn't bite off Romero for ZOMBIE, though the little fuck admits he ripped-off of some guy named Jacques Tourner. Finally, just like with the CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST DVD, now you can jump to your favorite brutal crime with the click of a button thanx to scene selection!

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: THE GATES OF HELL or LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT