THE NIGHT FLIER started out as an HBO original movie... or was it Showtime... or Cinemax?! Argh! Who the fuck cares! Just get to the friggin' movie!... Sorry, my multiple personalities are arguing... okay now, this movie (wherever it first debuted) starts with some tubby dude getting his ass beat and slashed up by some fruit in a cape... come on! Capes went out with Reaganomics! IF they held on THAT long! Anyway, from here we're intro'd to "star" (no, not the check-out line news) tabloid reporter Richard Dees and his new competition, rookie reporter Cathy (a Jimmy Olsen for the 90's) as they investigate a trail of bloodless bodies popping up along the airfields of the New England coast (it's an East Coast/West Coast vampire-pilot "thang"!). The culprit? That flamer in the cape from the beginning... duh. He's a "Night Flier" (meaning he flies at night, Fuzzy!) who owns a black plane and goes by the name Dwight Renfield. The bodies that Dick finds on his New England Tour all have railroad spike-sized holes in their necks you could stick your fist in! Every once in a while he also gets a warning pasted on a wall written in blood!... or paint... or lipstick... I don't know, nor does it matter to me. Just when you think Dick and Cathy have set aside their differences, Dick suckers (heh heh, say those last two words together) Cathy and locks her in a closet (now she HAS to come out!) in his quest for all the glory! Dick finally catches up to Dwight at a small airport and the site of a full scale slaughter!... okay, so it's small, BUT IT'S STILL FULL SCALE DAMN IT! Dwight (who looks like a pig/monkey/troll/thing) continues the mind games he's been playing with Dick (say those last five words together heh heh) all this time as Dick thinks he's being attacked by a horde of vampires and attacks them with an axe. Turns out they were just the people Dwight slaughtered, but try telling that to the cops/zombies that show up! The fuzz mows him down ad Dwight (cape and all) vanishes into the night to fly his gay little plane around some more. This gives Cathy the scoop, as she dubs Dick as being the Night Flier all along. Two of the movie's best moments include Dick violating a grave site in order to sensationalize a photo, and a scene were Dwight is pissing blood into a urinal... but in the mirror reflection, all we see is the blood stream pouring into the john! HAHA! But, besides all this, if you think vampires flying planes is a stupid idea, than think again! It's the STUPIDEST idea! There's a difference...

Also Known As: STEPHEN KING'S THE NIGHT FLIER

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: CAPTAIN KRONOS: VAMPIRE SLAYER or TALE OF THE VAMPIRE