THE worst installment of the once phenomenal series, LORD OF THE DEAD raises MANY questions, and many annoyances for me as well! Again, Tally's back, throwing his balls in everyone's face, and it's up to everyone's second favorite ice cream man (see THE ICE CREAM MAN for the favorite) Reggie to stop him. Picking up where PHANTASM 2 left off, Reg is left on the side of the road as the hearse (with Mike, Liz, and Tally inside) speeds away... and WRECKS! Where did Tally get his license, a box of Cap'N Crunch? Well, the wreck leaves Mike hospitalized and Liz completely decapitated! Reg gets Mike out alive by threatening Tally, saying he'd rather have Mike blown to pieces than in Tally's hands. Oh, and A. Michael Baldwin returns to reprise his role as Mike, which he held in the first movie, but gave up for the sequel. Also, Jody has returned! Only problem is, the poor yutz is one of Tally's balls (the flying metal ones ya perv)! But, when the Jody ball tries to attack Tally, Tally simply fries Jody ball with a thought and grabs Mike (why does he want him anyway?). But, with the barely conscious Jody ball's help, Reg packs up his hardware in the old hot rod and takes to the backwoods circuit again. In some shithole called Holtsville, poor Reg gets punked out by some goons in a pink hearse (I kid you not!) but he's then unfortunately rescued by some stupid little James Bond Jr. and his bad-ass toys (razor-blade frisbee, tomahawk, and clown embedded with knives). Reg befriends the little shitter (Gods do I hate child heroes) who used to be the sheriff's son before everyone was killed and harvested. Soon after, the duo picks up a third partner in the form of Rocky (no, not Stallone ya shmuck), a black, butch, beeyotch who Reg of course takes a "liking" to. At this point, it just got WAY too hokey (and no, I don't mean hockey) for me, and I gave up hope right then and there... and it's the smartest thing I've ever done. Basically for the rest of the movie the trio (and Jody ball) just fight Tally, his balls, and those damn goobers in the pink hearse. It ends with Tally AGAIN "killed" (with the help of a plunger!), Rocky drives off in a hot wired hearse, Tim gets pulled through a window, and Reg is left hanging once again, this time with a whole fleet of Tally balls holding him against a wall. The only things this movie provided (other than 90 PAINFUL minutes) were a few explanations: Tally swipes the bodies, compacts them down to midget form, then sends the little freaks to another dimension. Tally takes out their brains (leaving just enough to be obedient) and place them into the flying balls, and the balls can burrow into people's skulls and control them. Also, we learn that Tally is one of these balls, a big golden ball in fact (which Reg stops with a plunger, HAHA!). This movie also raised more questions: Have Mike and Jody always been a couple of Tally's balls? If Mike was a ball before (which would explain his mental link to Tally in the last movie), does this mean that Liz was also a ball? Is that why the 3 all had a mental link? Damn it... just... damn it....

Sequels: PHANTASM: OBLIVION

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART 2