If you liked WAXWORK, then say hello and shake hands with SUNDOWN: THE VAMPIRE IN RETREAT. From Anthony Hickox (the director of WAXWORK, who would also go on to do Tomb favorite WARLOCK: THE ARMAGEDDON and Tomb bane HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH), comes this quaint western vampire flick, which features B movie heroes David Carradine (Q: THE WINGED SERPENT and the old "Kung-Fu" TV series) and Bruce Campbell (if you don't know who he is, you shouldn't be here in the first place...) and 10 gallons of cheez whiz in an 8 gallon hat!

SUNDOWN focuses on the middle-of-nowhere town of Purgatory, where the inhabitants dress oddly (mainly from varying time periods) and ZZ Top mans the local gas station. The opening informs us that the town of Purgatory is actually home to the world's last remaining vampires. With the help of engineering genius David Harrison, the townsfolk have managed to create a plant that produces artificial blood, which they feed on to keep their hunger in check and prevent them from murdering the humans they are trying to be at peace with. Leader of the town is Count Mardulak (Carradine), who doesn't make too many personal appearances, especially when Dave and his family arrive to do some maintanence work on the fake blood machine.

For being an engineer, Dave is quite the dullard, as is his family, as none of them seem to think it a big deal that everyone in town slathers up with LOTS of sunblock, wear clothes that cover their entire bodies, and spaz when they mention stuff like garlic. Come to think of it, why would a town full of vampires set up shop in the middle of a dessert?! I mean, they can block the sun through the use of sunscreen, shades and big hats, but why move to such a sun parched place to begin with?! WOuldn't somewhere like Alaska or a place even further North fit their needs much better? When the 6 months of night are up and the 6 months of day come around, they could jump poles and head for the other side of the world! Oh well, I'm not a vampire (though I drink blood and hate sunlight), so I guess it's beyond my reasoning.

Also in Purgatory is Dave's old engineering pal Shane, who helped him build the factory, and who also can't even wipe without Dave's help. Oh yeah, and as if living in Dave's shadow wasn't bad enough, Shane also used to date Dave's wife Sarah. This is turning into an episode of "Dark Shadows" and "As the World Turns". While Dave and Shane clash egos, the misguided Robert Van Helsing (Bruce Campbell), living ancestor of famed Dracula killer Abe Van Helsing, arrives on the outskirts of Purgatory, looking to finish what his great great grandfather started! Yet another element to add to the mixture...

Back to the clashing egos, Shane, also a vampire, visits Sarah one night, nearly raping her until her daughters bust in screaming, scaring Shane off. I don't blame him though, when my ex's show up after not talking to me for a while, they're usually bearing children as well, and just like Shane I run in the opposite direction! In addition to the personal comflict between SHane and Dave, there's also a rapidly swelling conflict arrising between the people of Purgatory, as evil high class bloodsucker Jefferson dislikes the concept of fake blood (yeah, it leaves an evil aftertaste) and plans to lead his fellow bad guys in a revolt against Mardulak and his dreams of vamps coinciding with humans. Back to Van Helsing, he has found himself stricken with the town's only waitress, the fanged Sandy, and the two meet up outside of town for a little chat. Meanwhile, Dave and Sarah's two daughters have stumbled upon some secret passages in their hotel room, and discover Count Mardulak in a coffin (is that like Prince Alb ert in a Can?)! Assuredly, the girls are far more observant than either of their parents, and realize the town is rampant with plasma drinkers, though Mardulak is actually a pretty nice guy, as are his optimistic followers. :)

As for Van Helsing, he winds up putting some cuffs on Sandy, though not for kinky reasons as I would, but to use her for info. As they play out this scene, they witness Shane shooting Purgatory's fat lovable Jamaican sheriff (but he did not shoot the fat lovable deputy), through use of... wooden bullets?! Yes, since wooden stakes seem like such a hassle, and in an effort to give the younger, weaker renegades an unfair advantage, they' created wooden bullets... Allow me to repeat myself, "WOODEN BULLETS!"... Good thing I'm not lactose intolerant, or this chesse would've killed me long ago. Back in town, Jefferson's followers have become hungry for homosapien flesh, as they begin to amass and prepare to storm the town jail, where they can get their undead mitts on some recently incarcerated humans! The minor riot is halted though, as Count Mardy arrives and threatens that, should any of his followers turn their backs on his laws, he will be forced to destory them all! Some leaders take their job REALLY serious Later that same night, Jefferson and his people arm themselves and prepare for their coup, as, at Mardy's pad, Van Helsing drops in through a ceiling light, with Sandy in tow as he tries to kill the count! Van's plans are foiled however, when Sandy sticks the fangs to him, giving poor Van a new allergy to crucifixes! Never turn your back on a woman... especially not a vampire woman!

Jaff(erson) and his crew make a stop on Purgatory's main street, where they give the townsfolk the altimatum: either join the revolution and drink real blood, or die! Many of the folks decide to stay with Mardy's cause, getting their asses handed to them courtesy of Jeff's wooden bullets (try not to laugh). Swiping the firearms from their fallen opponents, the good guys manage to hold off the baddies for a while, but wind up in a shoot out on Mardy's front lawn. Back inside Mardy's mansion, Dave and his family have arrived in it's safety, and Dave winds up getting into it with that asshole Shane, who keeps pissing Dave off moreso by talking dirty about Sarah. Dave, with the help of Bob's holy water) kills the bastard, proving himself better genetic material to pass on, just like on the Discovery Channel.

Finally, in an attempt to stop the fussin' and a feudin', Mardy challenges Jeff to a one-on-one duel, hoping to kill the snake of rebellion by *whack*ing off it's head. Jeff agrees, and though he probably tried to cheat in some form (all villains do, as is comicbook law), Jeff gets a wooden slug through the chest, and it's revealed that the reclusive Mardy is really the legendary Count Dracula, who changed his name in hopes of keeping twits like the bumbling Van Helsing off his back, as well as keeping an extra ace up his sleeve when know-it-alls like Jeff think they've got him mapped out, only to find out just how damn good Mardy really is! The bad guys aren't content though, even without their leader, as they still plan on eating Dave's family. This is foiled though, as Dave, engineering maestro he is, constructs a giant wooden cross out of broken furniture and stuff, which he perches on top of Mardy's mansion. The bad guys, upon seeing the giant religious symbol, possibly in fear that Christian recruiters have invaded their home, curl up and die, leaving the good vampires unscathed. How can this be you ask? Well, looks like "God" has forgiven the good vampires, so they can no longer be affected by the sign of the crucifix... as if the movie wasn't corny enough as it is. So, Dave and his family live happily ever after, Mardulak has no more resistance form his people, and Van Helsing has learned that vampires are people too... sort of. The End.

Despite the downpour of cheese this movie drowns us in, it is amusing and somewhat charming at times, provided that using the word "charming" doesn't make he sound like a big fag. The concept of Purgatory is a nice one, as people of all nationalities, be it Jamaican, Polish, Romanian, Italian, French, American, etc. can put aside their differences and live together in harmony... provided they are vampires. However, different nationalities aside, the flick also defeats itself on this subject of unity, as even the vampires who are supposed to be working toward a human-vampire coexistence, still kill and hunger for humans. A tad hypocritical? I think so, despite the possible attempt at social commentary Hickox may have been trying to make. As for Mardulak being revealed as Dracula, I had been suspecting such a thing as happening, though I was really hoping it wouldn't. So, not only was I not surprised, but I was also agrivated.

However, I did think the acting was well done, and the casting was great! For a movie as campy and corn based as SUNDOWN, at least they knew to cast Carradine and Campbell, who aren't exactly known for playing dramatic straight roles. Also, I was surprised at how well Maxwell Caufield (someone who even I had not heard of before) pulled off the role of the hateful Shane character. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was the asshole type in school who beat up kids for lunch money and slapped around his girlfriend a little, though this is just a guess. The gore too was well done most of the time, even though it consisted mainly of gunshots the extra gorey scenes (like when one of the ZZ Top gas pumpers knocks a punk kid's block off!) were admirable. All in all, when you see Hickox's name in the credits, you already know you're in for an unusual flick with an unbalanced blend of horror and comedy, so I guess SUNDOWN wasn't really as bad as it could've been! But, it could've been better, especially without al l the cheese, which, with all this talk of dairy products, has put me in the mood for a grilled goat cheese and soul sandwich sprinkled with maggots and taragon, so excuse me as I go whip one up. Before I leave though, feel free to click the rolling head icon at the bottom of the page to see my theory as to how SUNDOWN is actually a sequel to another beloved "cowboys and vampires" movie! Adios mofos!

Sequels: Nope

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: WAXWORK II: LOST IN TIME or THE LOST BOYS