For anyone disappointed by Kevin Bacon's performance in HOLLOW MAN (come on, we all know we were), I invite you to see him as a role much more tailored for him, a role in which he can truly express himself and discover just why it is he was stranded on Earth and given his minimal sliver of talent, a role that he could play in his sleep (as long as he sleeps with a cowboy hat on), the role of... Valentine McKee. Valentine is a naive, sharp as a bowling ball Texan handyman in the smaller than small time town of Perfection, where the population is no larger than 14 people and some sheep. That is the role that Kev plays in TREMORS, grandson to the old school "giant monster" movies of the B&W days and a movie of which I am one of the few people alive (if you could call what I do living) who actually enjoys it. No matter how many times a month the USA cable network slips this movie into their scrambled and confused timeslot, I will always watch! I have it on tape, but I can't help but watch the TV editted cut, sim ply out of the hilarity of the voice overs when all the "vulgar" lines show up. Yep, just like my stand on MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, I'm flying solo on my unadulterated love of this movie. But then, you know how the last verse goes: "the cheese stands alone".

TREMORS follows the misadventure of two Texas handymen, Val (again, Bacon) and Earl (the perfect compliment for Bacon, Burt Ward), who are attmepting to claw their way out of the rutt they're built for themselves in the small dessert town of Perfection, which is anything but. So, tired of cutting firewood, pumping sewage, and spouting one-liners to each other, the boys pack up their possessions (all of which fit inot the back of their beat up old pick-up truck) and head out on the only road out of town. The only thing keeping them in Perfection? A rockslide that's taken out Perfection's only road. Cinematically a prelude of bad things to come.

These additional bad things occur right on schedule, as it seems a family of oversized worms, which the citizens take the movie up to new heights of cheese, naming the monsters "Graboids". The Graboids have already devoured several townsfolk on the outskirts of Perfection, including a sheep farmer and a newly wed couple, leaving the other colorful residents of town to take up refuge in the general store. Since the only way out of town is through the mountains (which also allows no radio signals to escape the valley) and the only road has been blocked by rockslide, horses would be the only answer, right? Well, if that's the case, then our heroes are screwed, because the beasts already got their snake apendages on the only horses in town, so I guess everyone's pretty much fucked.

Where exactly did these unfriendly mutant nightcrawlers come from you ask? That's one of the film's advantages, no one knows. This leaves us guessing, yet doesn't hang us up with potentially confusing details. The origin of the creatures is never revealed, though guesses are thrown out, covering everything from prehistoric lifeforms, to alien invaders, to military conspiracies! One thing we do know about them though, is that they're blind as bats, relying on a motion sensing radar that's set off when their prey walks around on the ground. They follow the sounds to the surface, then pop up through the dirt, shoot out their snake-like appendages from their mouths, and reel the hapless victims in for dinner!

Aside from the comedic pairing of Val and Earl, there are the other members of Perfection left, consisting of the General Store's Chinese owner, Walter (who never makes it to the rooftop); the town pain-in-the-ass, Melvin; the "just there to brnig a sense of despair to the cast" mother daughter team; and I think there was a guy named Miguel in there too, though he might've been eaten. In addition, there's also the geeky (yet alluring in a naturally non-cosmetic way) college girl Rhonda, who Val and Earl picked up in the desert while she was eploring some recent TREMORS that were happenning nearby, caused, of course, by our Graboids. We're also treated to the militant survivalist couple of Bert and Heather, played to a 'T' by refugee rednecks Michale Gross and Reba McEntire! The couple manages to blow away one of the worms usng their elephant gun before taking to the roof of their bomb shelter/trailer to escape the others.

Back at the General Store, the remaining worms have gotten sick of the whole "everyone hide on the roof and maybe they won't find us" routine, as they quickly evolve to outsmart the humans, tearing up the store's foundations with the intent of sinking it into the ground! Some quick thinking and one hastily thrown together plan later, the good guys realize that the only thing the'll get them out of the area and to the safety of the mountains (the worms are too soft and squishy to dig in rocks) is the town bulldozer. So, distracting the slugs with a runaway riding mower, Val makes his way to the tractor, hitching a big steel tow trailer to it, with which the others can pile into as Val pulls them to safety! Seemingly on their way to victory, Val and friends pick up Bert and Heather, who bring a small portable arsenal with them, as the worms attempt to chew on the tractor's big treads, which just wind up rolling over the bastards' like over-ripened bannanas!

But, if the movie were to end here, then there would be no real conclusion! I mean, sure, we could leave the worms out there in the dessert for use in a sequel, but then it's probably wind up like BLAIR WITCH 2, with a stupid story about teens with an apparent death wish and a curiosity complex. So, we have to take care of these monsters before the movie wraps up! So, just when it seems that everyone left will make it out without anymore danger, that's when the worms make their pressence known again! Traveling along like nothing's wrong, Val drives the tractor head long into an inderground trench traps the worms created! At this rate of learning, I figure the worms could learn quantum physics by the end of the week, or even concieve of a way to defeat the horrors of Spam. What is Spam anyway? Many people have covered the topic of Spam's origin, but I think it's time I tackled the issue. Being a God and all, I might have a few more resources at my disposal that others do not. When I derive a theory, click on the rolling head at the bottom of this screen and you can witness it yourself...

Okay, so where was I? Oh yeah, the trench. In the little altercation, the jury-rigged transport is overturned, leaving the crew on the bare ground, forced to make a mad dash to a nearby rock formation to escape the hungry giant maggots. Hold up on the rocks, our victims are left with no other option than to kill these two sand munchers if they ever want to see professional wrestling, saturday night rodeos, or Old Milwaukee ever again. Their first plan works, as they use some of Bert and Heather's pipe bombs in a little fishing expedition, blowing one of the beasts into a big stinky pile of flying organs and goo, that makes for one disgusting and hilarity packed scene. Once again though, the worms, or should I say "worm" seeing as how there's only one now, learns from it's fallen comrade's mistake, learning that lures skittering lightly over the sand are not a good thing to attack. In fact, the bastard sucks down one of the bombs and spits it back at the good guys, landing it on their duffle bag of munitions and blowing their last weapons into so much flaming debris! Damn, excellent aim for a big blind arthropod.

In the confusion, Val and Rhonda somehow wind up a good 40 yards from the safety of the rocks, dead in the center of the last hungry worm's search for a fleshy morsel! However, thanx to Kevin Bacon's quick thinking (I never in 2 million years thought that line would ever escape my fingers and work their way onto my computer screen), he manages to use the last pipe bomb to scare the final monster into plowing itself head long through a cliffside wall, dropping some 30 or 40 feet before it's splattered on the jagged rocks below, bringing about an end to it's legless tyranny! And all thanx to, I can't believe I'm saying it again, Kevin Bacon's quick thinking.

Though not focused on enouhg in this review, the movie truly benefits from it's laid back mood, with it's dimwitted yet funny characters, played by a cast that works off each other very well. Also adding to the feel of the movie, is the simplicity of the story, remenicent of the exact movies it lampoons... or pays homage to. I'm not sure whether the movie was meant to be a 95 minute joke or a tribute to the movies that spawned it, but wither way it works out to be one of the better big monster flicks in a long time. Of course, in recent years this trend of oversized beasts has become a true tax on my patience, as the video store shelves are overloaded with movies like KOMODO, CROCODILE, OCTOPUS, and KING COBRA, with KING COBRA being the only watchable among the group. Not one of these movies has yet to capture the charm and lovable campiness of TREMORS without going too far and turning into a raunchy platter of Limburger, going from oversized monsters to oversized Munster. What I'm really waiting for are the truly frightening "nature run amok" films like SQUIRREL, GERBIL, and THE GIANT SLOTH...

TREMORS did generate a sequel subtitled AFTERSHOCKS, though it gradually leaves behind the big prop worms for some more streamlined computer generated ones. It also loses the chemistry between Bacon and Ward, as Bacon figures he's still too good for D-t-V, leaving Ward to team up with a young unfunny college kid. Needless to say, TREMORS will be hard to live up to, and even though AFTERSHOCKS could've used some help, there is hopes for the third TREMORS movie (yet to be released as of this reviewing). The best thing TREMORS has going for it, aside from the comic relief and fluid writing, is the worms themselves. The monsters are COMPLETELY prop based, not resorting to CGI, which was still very young at the time of TREMORS' release. Gene Warren really shines, proving that he can do everything from giant rampaging arthropods to the TERMINATOR itself! Oh well, that's all for now.

My only problem with the movie was the survival of that annoying kid Melvin. I waited throughout the wntire movie, cheering on the worms just so they might get a hold of Melvin and kill him painfully, but this never happened. I would've been satisfied with him getting his leg ripped off or something, but was denied any kind of satisfaction on this field. Also, though the worm-o-vision scenes were cool, don't they kind of defeat themselves, in that the worms are supposedly blind? A little "Daredevil" radar scene would've been cool. All they needed to do for that was throw the film into negative and reverse all the colors and shit, make it into this surreal black and white kind of shot. Well, can't always be perfect I guess. Whether you're a fan of the old time monster flicks like myself or not, I suggest checking out TREMORS anyway, if for no other reason that to see Kevin Bacon making an ass out of himself!

Sequels: TREMORS 2: AFTERSHOCKS; TREMORS 3: BACK TO PERFECTION

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: THE THING or THEM!