Finally, after nearly 40 years of existence, the X-Men score their own big budget action flick! And Marvel Comics continues their silver screen success started with BLADE, putting behind them such disasters as CAPTAIN AMERICA, THE PUNISHER, and that atrocious Roger Corman made FANTASTIC FOUR, uggh. As a fan boy, I look at all comic-based flicks with a keen eye and a nitpicker's sense. All the little inconsistencies are noted and, if not properly excused, then exploited, usually resulting in a poor rating for what, ultimately, is nothing more than a heaping pile of shit on the big Hollywood sign. Does X-MEN have inconsistencies? Read on true believer, read on. In the near future (first mistake, I hate it when they leave it wide open like that, just like MAD MAX), it seems that a chunk of the population will be born with birth defects. We're not talking sickle cell or dyslexia though, we're talking more along the lines of telepathy, eye beams, 30 ft. tongues, and other mutations of the human body! Naturally, as is the way of mankind, the population unaffected by the odd phenomenon (who are unfortunately also the majority) want to lock up or kill these genefreaks. As for the mutants themselves, they too are divided, despite being in the same sinking ship. One the one hand there are the bad guys who want to destroy the people who fear them, and on the other hand are the good guys, who want to integrate themselves with the "normal" people, so everyone can live happily ever after in coexistence. Leading the anti-mutant hysteria is Senator Robert Kelly, who wants to pass a bill that forces all mutants to register with Uncle Sam so we can keep an eye on them. Typical Nazi conservative that Kelly. Elsewhere, in the arctic hellhole that is Canada, a young woman named Rogue (Anna Paquin) meets up with the hairy yet lovable mutant Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), who's got claws of unbreakable metal and gets his beer money by participating in cage fights. While on the road, our duo is attacked by the brick shithouse with claws, Sabretooth (ex wrestler Tyler Mane), who, if you haven't guessed it, is one of the aforementioned bad guys. Before 'Tooth can do his dirty work on our heroes, two more mutants intervene: Cyclops (played by some guy), who can shoot lasers from his eyes, and Storm (Mmmmm, Halle Berry in a white wig), who can control the weather. These guys show themselves to be good guys too, as they scare off 'Tooth and rescue Rogue and Wolvie from an exploding pick-up. When Wolvie awakens from unconsciousness, he find he and Rogue have been taken to Xavier's School for Gifted Children: a mutant school-combination-top secret headquarters for the good guys, also known as the X-Men... hence the movie's name. Here we're intro'd to Professor X (good ol' Captain Picard himself, Patrick Stuart), the most powerful telepath in the world, and the leader/physics teacher of the X-Men. We also meet (though I'd prefer to 'meat') the lovely teacher's pet, Jean Grey (Famke Jannsen) who is a telepath and a telekinetic (she moves shit with her head and can read thoughts). On the other side of the coin, we have the Brotherhood of Mutants: a group of mutant radicals who kidnap senator Kelly in an effort to carry out their evil plot. There's Magneto (Sir Ian McKellen) master of magnetism, his henchmen Sabretooth (who we've already met); Mystique (Mmmmm x2, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos in nothing but blue body paint and prosthetic scales), a shape shifter; and Toad (Ray "Darth Maul" Park), who's been vastly improved upon from his comicbook counterpart (now he not only jumps around, but he can stick to walls, vomit paralyzing goobers, and he's got a 30ft tongue! The ladies must love him so). Using a special machine, Magneto takes the kidnapped Senator and bathes him in radiation, activating a mutation in his genes, making him one of the mutants he hates so much. Not a great idea though, as it also allows him the ability to escape his confinement! He later washes up stark-assed on a beach... where the godfather of comics, Stan Lee, is buying a hot dog! Back at the Xavier place, a little accidental altercation involving Wolvie impaling Rogue (with his claws ya perverts) and Rogue stealing his powers (that's her power) results in Rogue running away from the school, forcing the others to go after her, giving Mystique the opportunity to sneak in, sabotage Xavier's power enhancing device Cerebro, and get out in time to go help her pals. Why do they need help? Because they battle the X-Men at the train station and kidnap Rogue! This is one of the bigger fight scenes, as well as one of the most memorable, and my favorite to be honest (probably because the good guys lose heh heh). Before the heroes can go out and try to save her, Senator Kelly shows up on X's doorstep, looking for help. X then scans Kelly's mind, revealing Magneto's plan to turn the world's leaders into mutants, via a UN summit meeting at Ellis Island! Problem is, unbeknownst to Maggy, the human body can't integrate the mutation, so the cell structure breaks down and we turn into a pool of Crystal Pepsi, like Kelly does! But, this time when X tries to use Cerebro, Mystique's sabotage leaves him poisoned and comatose! So, after doing a little maintenance, Jean must test her fortitude and use the device to locate Rogue. She manages, and we find that Rogue and the Brotherhood are at the Statue of Liberty! So, our heroes suit up in their spiffy leather movie uniforms ("what would you prefer, yellow spandex?"), pack into their modified jet plane, and head for Lady Liberty. This leads to some more incredible action, as our team gets divided. Wolvie must go one-on-one with Mystique (who, despite her Kung-Fu, gets her guts perforated) and Storm, Jean, and Cyclops take on Toad! Showing he's no longer just a hopping lackey, Toad actually holds his own, though outnumbered (including a little homage to his Darth Vader character), but is ultimately defeated when Storm zaps his ass into Hudson Bay. From here, Maggy then traps the X-People in the statue's head, leaving Wolvie and Sabretooth to have their climactic fight atop the lady's head while he carries out his plan of using Rogue to power his device (using that much power would kill him, so Rogue gets to be his guinea pig instead). The fight winds up another victory for the good guys, as, after he and Wolvie slice each other for a while, Cyclops finally blasts 'Tooth 36 stories down through the top of a patrol boat! Wolverine then releases his teammates, and the X-Men save Rogue (here she finally gets her trademark "skunk streak"), and the world. Our ending sees Wolvie returning to Canadia to take care of unfinished personal business, Mystique (yep, she survived) clears up the whole Senator Kelly thing in her own way, and Magneto winds up prisoner in a big plastic cell, where a giant hamster tube is the only way in or out... I'm not shitting you. The End. This was "uncanny" to say the least! Bryan Singer (THE USUAL SUSPECTS and APT PUPIL) is one of the best big time directors today, and he brings the perfect mix of action and sci-fi to the mutants, with a precise use of the occasional dash of comedy! Also, excellent job by award winning Michael Kamen, for his triumphant Elfman-like soundtrack! Plus, with the mix of awe inspiring special FX and a cast that played the characters perfectly, you can't lose! Hugh Jackman doesn't just play Wolverine, he IS Wolverine, bub! But, one problem, what's with Storm's godz awful line about lighting striking toads? What the Hell was up with that?!

DVD X-tras: Yet another nice DVD from FOX, complete with a nice animated menu. Content consists of: the Fox television special "the Mutant Watch", which is something of a "making of" that's supposed to get uninformed people less alienated from the movie. It's also set up like a CNN news parody, even on the "XNN" network. There's also Hugh Jackman's screen test; theatrical trailers and TV promos; costume and set drawings (one of Wolverine's costumes looked REALLY fagged out and corny); cool animated storyboards for the big fight scenes, that looked like something out of an old Playstation game; and the most important extra, 10 minutes of deleted footage, including a scene in which Storm teaches a history class and we see a cameo by X-brat Jubilee!

Sequels: Not yet, but there's one planned for summer 2002!

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: BLADE or DARKMAN