Some Rules Kids Won't Learn in School

From a college graduation speech by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
Dedicated to my own kids! (Calm down, Mindy... it's nothing personal!)

Unfortunately there are some things that children should be learning
 in school, but don't. Not all of them have to do with academics. As a
 modest back-to-school offering, here are some basic rules that may
 not have found their way into the standard curriculum.
 
 Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses
 the  phrase "it's not fair" 8.6 times a day. You got it from your
 parents, who said it so often you decided they must be the most
 idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their
 own kids, They realized Rule #1.
 
 Rule #2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as
 your school does. It'll expect you to accomplish something before
 you feel good about yourself. This may come as a shock. Usually, when
 inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not
 fair. (See Rule No. 1)
 
 Rule #3. Sorry, you won't make $40,000 a year right out of high
 school. And you won't be a vice president or have a car phone either.
 You may even have to wear a uniform that doesn't have a Gap label.
 
 Rule #4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'till you get a
 boss. He doesn't have tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When
 you screw up, he is not going ask you how feel about it.
 
 Rule #5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your
 grandparents had a different word for burger flipping. They called it
 opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making minimum wage either.
 They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about Kurt
 Cobain all weekend.
 
 Rule #6. It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are
 responsible. This is the flip side of "It's my life," and "You're
 not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations of your
 generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it
 or you'll sound like a baby boomer.
 
 Rule #7. Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they
 are now. They got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room
 and listening to you tell them how idealistic you are. And by the
 way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking parasites
 of your parents' generation try delousing the closet in your bedroom.
 
 Rule #8. Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get
 summers off. Nor even Easter break. They expect you to show up every
 day. For eight hours. And you don't get a new life every 10 weeks. It
 just goes on and on.
 
 Rule #9. Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your
 problems will not all be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for
 commercials. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee
 shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be perky or as polite as
 Jennifer Aniston.
 
 Rule #10. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all
 could.
 
 Rule #11. Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are a pain,
 school's a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you'll realize
 how wonderful it was to be kid. Maybe you should start now.
 
 You're welcome.