Journal entries for July, 2000.

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July 13, 2000

Okay -- I weighed  in and gained AGAIN!! 3.25 pounds.  Everything that I have lost in the last 2 weeks! I think that part of it is the antibiotics -- my weight watcher leader, Peter, said that was a definate possibility.  I am buckling down and am going to try to make sure I am really staying in points, water, exercise EVERY day. I will posting a new page atleast for a while - trying to keep track and feeling that if I put it on my webpage it will force me to be more accountable and to do a better job.  So for now I will be putting what I eat and drink and when/how I have exercised daily on a new page.

This week I got a new book which I would highly recommend.  It is called Simple Abundance.  There is an essay type entry for each day of the year that helps you to focus on finding the wealth in your life, not in your checkbook. Helping you to rejoice in the abundance of wonderful things life brings wrapped in simple packages.  I got the book and a new journal to make a daily entry in.  For an entry I am writing how the days reading is present in my life and what I can do to improve on it and see the abundance of simple wonderful things in my  life. When I am done I feel empowered and I know that not only can I make my weightloss goal but that I create a positive and blessing filled day for myself, everyday, by looking for the abundance of simple blessings that surround me. 

I'll be checking in again soon -- you all have a wonderful week!!
Chel  79 gone 13 to get to my weight watchers goal 23 to get to my goal

July 12, 2000

I am back!! My weigh in last week put me down 1.75 pounds! Camping was wondeful, although I did not do well staying on track. :(  I weigh again tomorrow and am hoping that I will be "okay" -- no gain that is!

I know I have talked before about the benefits (for me ) of writing.  I have gotten lots of email lately asking questions about how to find inspiration and motivation. I find myself going back to the same answer time and again.  That is that it is found within yourself!  Get out that pen and paper and get to town -- find all those reasons you deserve this -- write them down!! Write down all the reasons you are where you are right now.  For each reason now write a paragraph, or more if you are inclined, all about that one reason. How it began, the story behind it and what you can do to change it. For example, one of the reasons I gained weight is that when I felt frustrated I would binge.  So for my paragraph ---

I started eating out of frustration in my teen years. I turned to the food for comfort when I had emotions that I didn't know how to handle. I would eat until I simply felt sick to my stomach and by then my mind was off my problems and onto how horrible my stomach felt and I would go to bed and fall asleep. By morning I was generally able to look at things in a different light. It became a habit. If the adults in my life noticed this pattern, none of them talked to me about it. I wish that I had seen that I could ask someone to help me deal with my frustrations, to teach me better ways.  Perhaps I wouldn't have had the same issues with my weight that I have come to have.  The choice I was making to literally drown my problems in the food wasn't really a conscious one, I can see what it was I was doing in retrospect and in being really honest with myself about it.  I am still inclined to head for the kitchen whenever I am feeling frustrated.  I am going to change how I deal with my feelings of frustration away from eating. I am going to write through my frustrations because I find it helpful. I will write all about it, look at it from all the angles I can, vent, yell, scream and cry  in my writing until I am past the wanting to eat it away.

This technique of writing I have found very helpful -- allowing myself to be honest -- to sit down and see what was behind a behavior or attitude, why it was happening, and then what am I going to do about it! I find the motivation and the inspiration to keep at it everyday when I write.  Call it a journal, a diary, homework, written introspection, save it or wad it up and throw it out if you want.  I have found that the key to my success in weight loss lies within me - all I have to do is allow myself to use it!

July 5, 2000

Another week has passed soo fast! I can hardlly believe it has been almost 2 because I am due to weigh in again tomorrow! I lost 2 pounds on my last weigh in and feel as if I am finally headed in the right direction again. I am hoping to lose enough to get me back into the 140's -- on a permanent basis! I need to lose 1 pound to get to 150 even, so 1.25 would get me into the 140's again. I am keeping my hopes up, I have by no means been perfect this week, but I am hoping!

We are headed off camping on friday for a 4 day trip and I am really excited. I love to go - we go to the ocean and we always have such a great time with the boys, but the prep work is killing me!! I am paying way more attention to the food than I normally do, mostly because we haven't been camping since I have been on weight watchers and I want to be able to enjoy myself without worrying too much about the points.  But I also want to stay in points.  I know that I will get in enough exercise!!   I will probably have a little bit of a tough time getting all my water in, mainly because the water there doesn't taste all that great, but I will try to get it in me!      

This week I have tried to stay positive, especially when feeling discouraged. I have reminded myself that I dont have to be perfect, just do the best I can.  That I can start over every second of everyday if I need to.  I have been reminding myself that this is for me. Not for anyone else and I have to decide whether eating something is really worth it to me or not.  I hope that you all have a great week -- if I have time to let you all know how my weigh in tomorrow goes, I will stop by and leave a post.  I have a couple more recipes and weight loss page links I would like to leave, but that will have to stay on hold until I get back from camping and get everything all settled again. Have a marvelous week!!

Chel  81 down, and atleast 21 to go!!