Early Recipes

PRESERVING HUSBANDS

A good many husbands are spoiled by not being properly prepared. Some women keep their husbands in hot water. This will make them soggy. Other women allow their husbands to freeze by indifference and carelessness. This can make a husband sour and bitter.

Some wives place their husbands in a stew, and keep them there for too long a time. Other wives try to roast their husbands. Some keep their husbands in a pickle all their married lives.

It cannot be supposed that any husband will be tender and good if managed in this manner, but husbands can be delicious if they are properly prepared.

In selecting a husband, the pioneer recipe reads, "DO NOT GO TO MARKET FOR HIM, THE BEST HUSBANDS ARE ALWAYS DELIVERED TO YOUR DOOR"

See that the linen in which you wrap him is properly washed and mended, with the required number of buttons and strings tightly sewed on.

Tie him comfortably in the kettle by a strong silk cord- if you don't husbands are likely to fall out of the household kettle and become burned and crusty on the edges. If once in the household pot, a husband begans to sputter and fuss, do not become anxious. Many husbands on the fire act like this until they are done.

Add a little sugar-but no vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice will improve the average husband but it must be used with judgement. When he is on the stove, do not stick any sharp instruments into him to see if he is becoming tender. Stir him gently, watch all the while to be sure he does not stick to the kettle. You will know when he is done by instinct.

If this recipe is followed, you will have a tender, desirable husband. But remember to keep him properly basted with kisses and loving loks-and do not become careless and keep him in too cool a place

Next
back
Homepage

Famous Quotes on Marriage

What's the difference between a

boyfriend and a husband?

About 30 pounds."

"I think men who have a pierced ear

are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

"My mother buried three husbands,

and two of them were just napping

"A good wife always forgives her

husband when she's wrong."

-- Milton Berle

I was married by a judge.

I should have asked for a jury."

-- George Burns

When women are depressed,

they either eat or go shopping.

Men invade another country.

It's a whole different way of thinking."

I bought my wife a new car.

She called and said,

"There was water in the carburetor."

I said, "Where's the car?"

She said, "In the lake."

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."

-- Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose

marriages have endured at least a quarter

of a century for their secret for success.

Actually, it is no secret at all.

I am a forgiving woman.

Long ago, I forgave my husband
for not being Paul Newman."

-- Erma Bombeck

Never go to bed mad.

Stay up and fight."

-- Phyllis Diller

Men are like a fine wine.

They all start out like grapes,

and it's our job to stomp on them

and keep them in the dark until they

mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

"The best way to get most husbands

to do something is to suggest that

perhaps they're too old to do it."

-- Ann Bancroft

"Any husband who says,

"My wife and I are completely equal partners,"

is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge."

-- Bill Cosby

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage,

half shut afterwards."
--Benjamin Franklin

My wife dresses to kill.

She cooks the same way."

-- Henny Youngman

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years.

Then we met."

-- Rodney Dangerfield