Satan on:
Taxes
Obviously, every society must have taxes. But taxes of what kind? Satan believes in taxes. But not taxes on Americans.
"Why should the average American pay taxes so that Russians and Iraqis and Argentinians can sit around all day? There is just no reason for it."
That's why Presidential Candidate Satan believes in punitive tax rates for all non-US citizens in the world. But how will we collect them, you ask? Through the use of brutal military force, of course. If Russia or Australia or that deadbeat France decide they aren't going to pay, we have several platoons of Italian men named "Vinnie" who are eager to go over and start breaking thumbs.
While all of this violence and pain are good, what of the American citizens? What taxes will they pay? None at all. The only people who will pay taxes are those whom we do not like, like Iranians, Quebecois, and North Koreans. Our allies--like Britain, Israel, Saudi Arabia, and South Korea--will all receive tax breaks and credits. This is not only good fiscal policy, it's just common sense.
This page paid for, maintained, developed, and produced by the Friends of Satan for President.