Satan on:
Welfare
Welfare is a major concern for our candidate. Satan believes that there is nothing more important than taking people's hard-earned money and giving it to unemployed drug-addicted single mothers. He feels this should be priority number one for his administration, and under his inventive and unique tax plan, you won't pay a dime!
At this point Satan would like to address certain studies published by partisan, extremist, right-wing journals that propose that welfare has done nothing to alleviate social problems like homelessness and illegitimacy. First and foremost, Satan has gone on record exposing these journals as the havens for criminals, rich white men, racists, aliens, vampires, and assorted right-wing scum they are. He also questions the validity of these studies. As a wise man once said, "Oh, you can use statistics to prove anything that's remotely true."
Well said.
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