Chapter 34 As we pulled up to the driveway and parked the car justin looked at me to try to see what i was thinking and if i was alright. I just looked back at him,"thanks justin i'm really glad you went with me,otherwise i dont know how i would of have been able to get  through this if you werent there next to me.It ment alot to me." with that i gave him a quick kiss."mary, i know how you felt walking through the house,i grew up more in that house then in mine own.It killed me just as much as it killed you." I got out of the car and headed to the door.As i walked inside all the guys and  monika and pam were all sitting around in the living room talking.They all got up and walked over to me,I just kept walking and went to my room and started crying.Monika was the first to speak," Justin how did it go?" Justin looked over to the door that i had shut and said,she broke down crying a couple of times but i think shes hanging in there.Just give her space right now." As they were talking i layed on the bed and buried my face in the pillow and cried.I heard a soft knock on the door."come in i said in a whisper as i wiped my tears away. It was monika and pam."oh mary." pam said as she sat on the bed next to me and rubbed my back.Monika sat next to me on the other side."We 're here for you, you can talk to us about anything you know that" " i know.,I just have all this anger and i just want to get out of here as fast as possible." "i know honey i know." pam said as she got up and walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to get me a glass of water."How is she?" lance asked as he followed her into the kitchen."shes really down, I just hope she dosnt go into depression phase again.We almost lost her a couple of times.I just dont want to see her like that again." pam said as she looked into lance's eyes. Lance saw the sadness in her eyes."don't worry baby,this ime she has all of us." "I know but shes soo stubborn that she wont go to anyone shell hold inside and tell everyone shes fine when she isnt." "you better go tell justin so he can keep a close ee onher,matter a fact wed better tell everyone so we can all look out for her." pam just nodded as she went back in the room and saw mary under the covers and monika trying to convince me of going to sleep.Pam put the glass of water on the night stand and walked out taking monika with her.They made their way to the living room where everyone was sitting down listening to lance tell hen what pam just told him."look guys we have to keep a close eye on mary,I didnt like seeing her try suicide attempts, and i dont want to see her go through it again." pam said. "yeah, but that doesnt mean we have to watch her every move."Justin said getting upset."You werent there to see her all meesed up and lying almost half unconcious on the kitchen floor." pam said standing up in justin's face "Justin was about to say something when something caught his eye."mary, baby" he said as everyone looked to the hallway."Is this what you guys do with youre free time,talk about me behind my back!Listen if i need any of youre help I'll ask for it!I'm not a little girl!yeah I went as far as suicide attempts last time but I didnt know any better then,I'm 18!You know what I thought out of veryone here you'd be the one to know the difference i guess i was wrong." i said as i walked towards the counter and picked up the keys to monikas car and ran out of the house and jumped into the car and drove off as tears started to pour out harder and harder.Justin ran out after me but all he saw was me drive away.He jumped into his car as monika came out and jumped into the seat next to him.He gave her a questioning lookbut just pulled out of the drive way."listen we'll all split up and look for her.we'll stay in touch, everyone keep their cellphone on." with that lance pulled out of the drive way with pam sitting next to him.I dont remember how i got there but all i knew was that i was at the park the same spot where me and justin had that little talk about how i felt about britney.If only he was here now.I thought out of everyone there that he would know me better then that, and how pam just had to tell everyone about my past that was the only time in my life i have ever and will not do again commit suicide."ahhhhh!" I had to let my anger out that was buliding up inside of me.I walked around the park for awhile til i reached the bridge that overlooked the lake.I was standing there trying to get some insight on what to do and try to forget what just happened when my cell when off.I looked at the caller id it was monika.I debated over picking it up and I finally did."hello?" i said in a whisper."Mary!Where are you?"monika said and then i heard justin in the backround, "is she ok?where is she?give me the phone." "monika dont give him the phone.listen just tell him im fine and i just need time.im not sure ill be home tonight. ill give ya a call later." and i hung up."mary?mary?hello?"monika yelled into the phone.then mumbled"damn it." "what monika,what did she say,where is she??" justin kept asking. "look justin,i dont know,all she said was that shes not coming back tonight and that shell call when she wants us to know where she is but for now she needs her space.Look justin i know her and i know shes somewhere that can offer her peace and where she can just think and be left alone." Justin just thought about it for a minute then did a 360 and sped off."where are you going?!?!" Monika shouted as she held onto the seat from justins crazy driving."i think i know where she might be."Justin sped off in the direction where the park was located. He pulled up to the park and they both jumped out of the car."ok we can cover more ground if we split up,call the guys and tell them that we talked to her and fill them in." monika just nodded as she walked in the opposite direction justin was going.I just hope i find her first. monika thought to herself.I was crying so hard that my vision was blurred and i couldnt see that good, so i decided to go sit on a bench that was nearby.As i was making my way towards the bench i tripped over something and fell to the ground.I scrapped my arm and hands.As i started to get up i heard justin;s voice calling out my name."mary?mary?" Shit, i thought to myself,then i saw a tree and i made my way to the tree and i crouched down behind it hoping that he wouldnt see it.Justin walked up and stopped right in front of the tree and looked in my direction but apperently he didnt see me and kept walking.I took a deep breath, glad that he didnt see me.I sat on the ground and took a good look at my arm after wipping away all my tears.My arm was pretty scrapped up and bleeding. I ripped the bottom of my shirt off and began to wrap it tight around my arm and tied it around my other shoulder.I couldnt move my arm becuz a bolt of pain would shot through it.I tried to move my fingers and i screamed outbecuz of the pain,"ahhhhh!!!!!!" "MARY?!?!" I heard justin yell from the direction he just left in."Damn it." i said under my breath."Mary?" i heard monika come up from the other side."Monika?"I said as i saw where she was."what happened to you?" she asked when she saw the bloody shirt wrapped around my arm."long story right now you need to get justin away from here." "mary?" "please monika!!just for now.i promise ill go home with you later.just please tell him something,i dont wanna see him right now." Monika hesitated at first but took off running towards justin."justin, i saw her she ran off from me but i know she went towards the hill.follow that path and it will lead you up it and ill go this way."Justin just nodded as he took off in the other direction up the hill.Monika came back to me and helpped me up to my feet since justin was out of sight."Ok first we are goona get your cut all cleaned up, then we are changing your shirt and then you are going to tell me what the hell is up with you while we get something to eat, ok?" I just nodded as she took my arm over her shoulder and helppped me walk to her car,( the one i took) "where are we going to go?I refuse to go back to the house." "listen mary, everyone is out running around trying to find you so no ones home and i would duck down cuz if one of the guys see me they are gonna tell justin you're with me and then im gonna get my ass whooped by your boyfriend.Plus im gonna call the house just to check." She called the house and on the first ring pam picked up.shit, monika thought to herself."hello?" pam asked anxious to know if they had found mary."hey it me,listen i need you to cover the beach becuz none of the guys know how to get there and im with justin checking out the park and hill." "alright, im on my way. bye." "bye." monika hung up the phone and looked at me,"ok now no ones home,we'll clean that cut and change your shirt then we will hide you at Aj's house for now.and we'll get something to eat on the way." I just nodded as we pulled up to the house to see all the cars were cleared out.We rushed to the door and inside the house.We quickly did everything and when we were almost out the door justin pulled out and i could tell he wasnt happy."shit,monika!" "ok plan b go sneek out the backdoor and wait for me behind the bushes and if im not there in 2 minutes take the car and hall butt to ajs.got it!" "yeah i said as i ran to the backdoor and ran outside. "monika!?!" justin shouted as he entered the house."what?" "why did you lie to me and tell me mary was up on the hill and then leave me there and then take off with her?" Monika was surprised that he saw her and mary leave the park.shit what am i gonna do?she thought to herself.Monika turned around and opened the back door and yelled,"mary go, leave now!!" "what!?!?!,Shes here?!?!" justin shouted as he headed towards the front door and jumped into his car as i sped off to ajs house.Shit,shitshitshit.What am i going to do if he follows me there? I have to lose him.i thought to myself.then i came up to a red light."shit, ill turn and as i turned i saw lance and joey.and they shouted,"mary!!wait!" crap, now im screwed! i shouted.I made a 360 and sped by lance,joey and justin then i made a sharp left turn and another sharp right.I finally lost them, for now that is.I was careful to not run into them again.As i pulled up to Aj's house i let out a sigh of releif,they wont find me now.i thought to myself, but that thought faded quickly when i saw chris and jc step outside the house and walk right up to me.I was so tired from running and my body hadnt had any food, i was just so exhausted that my body gave up and i just fell to the ground and i blacked out as i heard jc and chris yell my name. "mary, mary, please open your eyes."jc pleaded.I could heard everything but i could react to anything my body was just so weak.I felt someone pick me up and lay me down across the couch."I'll get some water and crackers to get her carbs up."Aj said as she rushed into the kitchen.I felt something cool go down my throat ad then someone feed me some cookies.I felt as though my head was in someones lap.Afetr i heard him on the phone,with my guess it had to be justin becuz of the yelling, i knew it was jc who held my head in his lap."Justin we are at aj's house and marys with us,shes passed out and i think you should get monika and get your ass here fast!!" with that jc hung up."you do realize justins gonna blow when he gets here." "chris, thats the least of our problems here,we should be worring about how we are gonna get her to wake up." "here make her drink this"aj said as she handed jc a colorful looking drink."whats this?" "trust me you dont wanna know whats in it,its a drink filled with protein and energy,itll boost her energy up and shell be up in no time." Jc just lifted my head and put the drink up to my lips."mary,if you can hear me take a zip." at first i didnt want to it smelled so nasty but i had no choice.  "monika,you are going to drive us to aj house,while i call lance,pam,and joey and tell them to meet us there.Then you are going to tell me why you lied."monika just stood there and didnt respond but jumped into his car and drove to ajs as justin informed lance,pam and joey.Within minutes they were all at ajs and justin was about to blow,but when he saw how bad mary was he forgot about everything else and ran to my side as he sat on the floor next to me and held my hand.Everyone just sat around and made some food, hoping mary would open her eyes soon.I felt a tug on my hand and then i felt soft lips kiss my hand and i knew those set of lips anywhere they were justins.Then i felt his tears that slide down his cheeks and onto my hands.I opened my eyes to see him crying and lance and pam sleeping in eachothers arms,joey and monika were on the floor holding eachother fast asleep.Then i saw chris on the floor by himself holding a stuffed animal.Then i looked up to see jc,sitting next to Aj with her head on his shoulder fast asleep, on the coffee table looking straight at me with a smile,he wispered,"hey kiddo,you back to normal?You sure gave us the run around today." I just mouthed,"im sorry", as a tear ran down my cheek and it fell on justins' forehead.I guess he felt it cuz he looked up to see me with my eyes wide opened.he hugged me tight as he kissed my face,"baby, you had me so worried,I love you and im so sorry for everything that happened today.dont do this to me again,my heart nearly stopped when i walked in here to find you like this." I just put my finger over his lips to silence him,"if anyone here should be sorry its me,i should of never took off like that.i'm so sorry justin, i never thought all of this would happen." then he looked at me for a second and he kissed me."looks like everyones asleep, and im still a little tired and i know for a fact you are too." I said as i scooted over and justin layed next to me and wrapped his arms around me as we both fell asleep on the couch,nether of us knew what we had in store the next day.