Chapter 35
I woke up to everyone talking and eating in the kitchen.I looked to see if justin was still sleeping but he was up with everyone else.I wrapped the blanket around my body and slowly stood up, making sure i wouldnt fall.I stop by the wall of the kitchen ease dropping on their conversation, it was more like a big arguement between everyone."You had no right telling everyone about her past that way." Justin said in a tone that he was upset."look justin you werent around back then and we were, you didnt have to see the wreck and didnt have to deal with it, I just thought that you should know what shes capable of doing." Pam yelled back. "Well, Mary knows how sorry i am that i wasnt around, and you could of told me in secret instead of telling me in front of everyone.And what happened in the past, happened in the past, what would make you think that she would do it to herself again!?!?" Justin yelled back and getting in her face. "j,step off,she was just trying to do what she thought was right!!You dont have to get all in her face!" Lance shouted getting in between them. I was fed up with everybody fighting.I started to cry as i walked into the kitchen yelling, " Is this all you guys talk about?Me, behind my back? I'm sick with you guys fighting, I had to deal with this once in my life and it practically killed me!!And thats what led me to what i did, but i dont know where you go off thinking i would do that again!" I collapse to my knees crying as Joey and jc caught me before i completly fell to the floor,being the ones closest to me.I just cried on jc's shoulder. He tried to hand me to justin but i wouldnt budge.Jc rubbed my back as we made our wayback to the couch in the living room. We sat down and justin was on my other side. I pulled away and jc smiled at me. I looked arounthe room and i saw the look on everyones face. "listen i know all of you are worried about me,I just need time to myself to calm down and to think.Then when i'm ready I'll talk to you guys." I said as i stood up and made my way to the kitchen took a water bottle and made my way to the sliding glass door and walked outside to where i could layout on the deck and get some sun and fresh air.Justin was highly upset and stormed off to one of the guest rooms.He oopened the glass doors that were at the far end of the room and found himself outside.He leaned against the rail and looked out onto the neighbors' yards.Then he looked down and saw me laying out on the deck deep in thought as a few tears ran down my cheek.Why is she being so distant from me?For god sakes she grabbed onto jc instead of me? justin thought.Everyone down stairs were all a little worried but just chilled out in their own way. After two hours monika walked out onto the deck bringing me some food.She sat down next to me, "mary,please talk to me.You know very well that i had nothing to do with everything that has gone on in the past two days." i looked over to her and my eyes just welled up in tears.Monika just hugged me,"you know i'm here for you.I always have and so has monika and before us you had justin so please do me a favor?" I pulled away as i wipped the tears away, hoping all the bad would go with them.monika continued,"If you dont talk to me please talk to someone?? and soon.I need my dork of a friend to make fun of and i need my partner in crime back, you dont know how hard it is for me that ive been good for so many days!!" I started laughing."now theres the mary i know!" I smiled and whispered,"thanks monika i could always count on you to make me laugh." "well you know..." She said as we both laughed again. She hugged me and said," remember talk to someone."Then she got up and went back in. I looked at what she brought me and smiled," a cookie,out of everything inside she brings me a cookie!" "well at least you have some milk to go with that cookie!" A voice said as i jumped not expecting anyone to hear me. I turned to see who was there."hey jc." "hey mary" He said as he sat down on the chair next to me.We both just looked up at the sky."Do you think a cloud floats over the same place twice?" "I dont suppose so." i answered. "jc i know you are trying to help, but its just really hard for me to talk to anyone about it.I mean if anything itd be justin who i would turn to, but in this case i dont think that i could go to him anyways.I mean how could i go to someone who is hurting me the most." With that jc turned a gave me a concerned look. "what do you mean by that?" "Dont worry jc he hasnt done anything bad like to harm me i mean, it kills me to see the people i love the most fight like that.I had to see my parents do that noonstop and it killed me and thats what drove me to what i did."I started to break down crying from all the bad memories.Jc embaraced me and let me cry on his shoulder."mary,you know you have many friends that care about you.you can alwasy talk to us.I know for a fact we are all very worried.and i know a certain somebody that you should let in and talk to him about this.I mean he did know you first and knows on a first hand bases what you're feeling and going through." I looked up at him and said through my sobs,"i know,but he means so much to me and i know it kills him to see me like this, i guess thats why i dont want to tell him becuz i dont want him to see me like this.I know it sounds childish." "mary you have to understand you pushing him away only kills him more.I know he loves very much and it hurts him badly to know that you talk to everyone besides him." "I know jc ,but i really just need a breather.I promise that after a couple of mins i will go find him and talk to him.I just need a little time." "I understand,and i'll even go get him for you, how does that sound?" "sounds like a good plan to me." He just nodded as he hugged me and then left.During this whole time justin was standing there listening to everything that i had said to monika and jc. Well if she wont tell me then ill just have to findout whats going on this way.Justin thought to himself.I just dont get it she'll talk to monika and even jc before shell ever come to me and thats only after they convince her to.I dont get it.I just dont get it why when she needs me the most she pushes me away."i dont get it!" justin said to himself as he sat down on the bed and thought."dont get what?" Jc said as he walked in. justin was startled that someone heard him. "i dont get why mary will talk to you and monika before she'll talk to me?" "j, the only reason she talked to us was becuz we went to her.You went off on your own.I'm pretty sure she would of talked to you if you would of gone after her." "yea but she said she needed some space so i gave her space." "well now she wants to talk to you so go down stairs and talk to her.she's breaking down inside and wont let us see it, she needs you the most out of everyone here.So go talk to her.i know its killing you both." Jc said as he left the room and joined everyone else in the living who were all doing their own things.Lance and pam were supposively watching tv but they were too caught p kissing eachother to even pay attention to what was going on.Joey,monika and chris were all goofying around, its what they do best, and jc just sat down next to them and joined their conversation.Justin got up and made his way to the door and walked into the hallway and walked past the kitchen and through the sliding glass door.He looked around before walking onto the deck and sat next to me. "Mary please telling whats going on?" justin said in a soft voice.I looked over at him and just starred in his eyes for awhile,i saw how concerned and how hurt he was."justin,when i woke up this morning to see everyone arguing for the second time,it just brought back bad memories of the past. I thought that once my parents were divorced and everything was settled that i wouldnt have to deal with the fighting,bickering, and the yelling anymore.It killed me to see the people i love and care for the most fighting.And what really upset me the most was how everyone was talking about me like i wasnt even in the same house.I just hate people who talk behind my back.If you're going to say something say it to my face, that way i can explain something that ive tried or done.Now everyone thinks that for any little thing i'm going to kill myself.Which is not true!! It's just that things got so extreme at my house that i went to the as a solution which wouldnt have made anything easier or better.I realized that after monika and pam found me unconcious lying practically half dead on the kitchen floor.No one suffer more then me becuz of that. And what made me highly upset was that pam just stated that to everyone not caring what or how would feel.And i'm so sorry for pushing you away but it hurt me really bad to see that the one i love the most was one of the people fighting, that right then and there crushed my heart." I looked up to see his face and his eyes were filled with tears just like mine."I.....I.... I didnt realize thats how you felt and im sorry for bringing back those awful memeories, and i am soo sorry for hurting you.I never meant to hurt you." :I know justin, i know, and it's alright cuz you didnt know." we just looked at eachother in silence for a few seconds before justin hugged me tight and then kissed me." i'm sorry for fighting with pam, and you got to understand where i was coming from, i didnt like that fact that she told me in front of everyone like that, and you also understand how much it hurt me when you pushed me away when i just wanted to hold you and be there for you." I just looked at him."justin im sorry that i puched you away its just that when i fell that ive been hurt by the one i love the most my instinct is to push that person away.It just been that way, especially with all the broken hearts ive been through, its the only way i know how to deal with that pain." "Well, with me its gonna have to be different cuz no matter what i'm never going to leave you with a broken heart.I care way too much for you babygirl! And i love you so much that you couldnt imagine how much.You mean the world to me." He said that as he looked into my eyes and we kissed as a single tear fell from my cheek.As he pulled away he wipped it away and said," why are you crying?" "im not, it was just a tear of joy.I finally found my prince charming!!" We both smiled as he kissed me and then picked me up and carried me inside.Everyone sat down as i explain to everyone how i felt and about my past, we starightened everything out.By the time we were all done talking it was 8 and we all decided to watch a movie.We all agreed to watch The Fast and The Furios.Chris and jc sat on the floor and in between them was Aj.she made her self comfertable by putting a pillow on jc's lap and laying her head down and stretched across the floor.Then lance and pam were sitting on the loveseat.Pam was on his lap.Monika,joey,justin, and me shared the couch.I was all cuddled up with my justin, and monika had her head on joey's shoulder.After the movie we agreed to stay another night cuz it was too late to head back to monika and pam's house.Chris got the couch.Jc styaed in Aj's room.Lance and pam got one of the guest rooms and joey and monika got the other guest room.While justin and I took up the little guest house next to the deck outside.I was to tired to walk so he carried me to the house and layed me in the bed.He took off his clothes and was left with his boxers and his wife beater.he pulled the covers over us as i placed me head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around me.Soon enough everyone was happy and sound asleep. |
