Allright, I'll admit I was nervous. As things turned out, I shouldn't have been. I was scheduled to meet up with 'N Sync at the Hyatt Regency hotel in downtown Greenville, South Carolina. As I approached the sixteen-story glass front building, I couldn't help but notice what appeared to be large wet pool noodles slapping against the glass from inside. As I entered, my worst fears were confirmed.
 
Ducking a large pink noodle and trying not to look, I made my way to the information desk.
 
STROODIE: Hi, I'm.. um.. Stroodie, and I was supposed to meet 'N Sync here at 11:15?
 
The manager gave me a dirty look and pointed to the grand mass of arms, legs, noodles, and water behind me. At this moment, an airborne Justin came rocketing towards me straddling what looked like a soggy golden retriever. I ducked once again and the homeboy/retriever combo smashed headfirst through the wall behind the information desk with a loud "YO! SEESEE HERE NOW!" I threw an apologetic glance at the man behind the counter, who was clutching his heart and gasping. I turned quickly and proceeded towards the rest of the mass. As I neared, I saw JC climbing one of the indoor palm trees, bullhorn in one hand, legal pad in armpit.
 
JC: HEY NOW! HEY NOW! DON'T SLAP ME WITH THAT ------OW! STOP IT! I'M THE SANITY HERE, NOW STOP IT I SAY, STOP IT! CHRIS, DONT MAKE ME GIVE YOU ANOTHER DEMERIT! -------OW!!! ALLRIGHT! THAT DOES IT! NO MORE TWINKIES FOR YOU, JOEY! AND LANCE! JUST SEE IF YOU EVER SEE CHOMPERS THE ALLIGATOR AGAIN!
 
Slowly, the mass began to settle down and I was able to clearly see Joey and Lance for the first time. Two noodles clutched in each fist, they looked like two kindergarteners who'd just been deprived of their fingerpaint. Joey chucked his noodles to the floor and began to dejectedly suck on his thumb. Lance began to whimper.
 
LANCE: (in an uncharacteristically high voice) ...but Chompers... was my buddy...pal...
 
JC: THAT'S BETTER! NOW... WHERE'S CH----  
JC became aware of a loud Tarzan-esque whoop...a few octaves higher than the original version. He turned in time to see Chris launch himself from the rafters and soar towards him, plastic ivy tied to his ankle as some sort of bungee cord.
 
CHRIS: AAAAAAAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUIEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUU
 
JC: OH, MY G-------------------
&nsbp
I flinch as contact occurs.. somehow after it was all over, JC was sitting on TOP of the palm tree praying and Chris had confiscated the bullhorn and was aiming to land in the fountain on the other side of the lobby. Before he somehow released the vine from his ankle, he managed to yell "PEACE AND FISH FRITTERS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD AFTEROON!" through the bullhorn before throwing it down and beginning his descent.
 
JC: Amen....
 
STROODIE: You Guys!! A minute of your tim.....  
**SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHH**
 
All heads turn to stare as Chris the dread-locked Tarzan (aka the human cannonball) plummets into the fountain at more than 65 miles per hour. What results is a forty-foot tidal wave over the entire lobby. After I pick my drenched body off the floor in the aftermath, I concluded that perhaps the group is ready to sit down for my interview. I suggest a shower and change of clothes for all (including Justin, who had crawled out of the hole in the wall dragging the soggy retriever behind him just in time for the tidal wave) and made plans to meet at the coffee house accross the street for the formal interview.
 
 
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