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Something Said
On more than one occasion, I've had things said to me that I will never forget. The words have stuck in my mind for some unknown reason and no matter how hard I try to forget, they come back to remind me. There have also been times when I have said a few distinct words to someone and they still remember the exact words I said, even to this day. Why we remember a situation, these words and little sentences are a mystery. There must be an underlying reason for it and I still wonder why I remember some things and forget others.
I've always felt that these little sentences or thoughts from other people, are their way of "planting seeds" in me. They have obviously felt (for one reason or another) that these words of wisdom they have told me, are meant to make me think or to give me comfort. I know that the intent has never been to hurt me, but more to help me through a delicate or difficult passage in my life. There doesn't even have to be a reason sometimes, other than a personal observation.
Advice is a funny thing. Sometimes I'm very receptive to it and embrace it with open arms. Other times, I want to shoot the messenger from point-blank range. It's a matter of whether I'm in the right frame of mind or not. In my case, it really depends on how I feel that day. I have good days and I have bad days just like everyone else. I know it's all part of my self-confidence and something to do with how strong I sense my "defences" are against criticism, at any given moment. I somehow manage to listen to it all, whether I want to hear it or not.
I have found that a subtle comment makes an "imprint" on me that lasts, until that related situation has either resolved itself or has fizzled away over time. It's that peculiar "marker" (from another source) that helps me identify and validate my own opinion. Someone has identified with it and has relayed a similar experience, but has given it a different twist (a new angle). They've shared their proof of living through that experience, by confiding a "marker" to me. They have said something different and something new which I have marked as unique.
If you discuss the same thing with a number of different people, similar ideas may appear over and over again. Different people may relay the same comments, opinions or advice to you. All of a sudden, things starts to make sense. Out of all this adversity there has come a degree of optimism and coherence. They can't all be wrong, they are thinking the same thing ! The strange thing is that the one, off-the-wall comment, will always be the one you remember. It's that one piece to the puzzle that you are starting to put together that you can't figure out but somehow know it will fit in somewhere, sometime. You will tease your brain trying to decipher and rationalize it. It may haunt you for a very long time. The meaning of this one particular comment may make sense one day (or it may not).
Somtimes you hear comments that come "right out of the blue" that somehow catch you totally by surprise. These are the ones that can be the most disturbing and yet can be the most profound. They're the comments that end up being the most important and the ones you remember. I have not yet figured out how some of these comments even relate to the issues at hand. They are so "off the wall" sometimes, that you are tempted to totally disregard them as utter nonsense. But, by some strange association, you do remember them and they stay with you.
I'm not implying that everything you hear, has truth to it. There are many situations where something said to you may be simply an attempt at striking up a conversation or keeping a discussion topic front and center. It is up to you how you interpret the conversation. I think that listening intently without distraction, is just as important as what you hear. You may discover a new meaning or agenda to what's being said, if you can read between the lines. Remember that most people will rarely intend to hurt you. In most cases they are just trying to be thoughtful and kind.
I've also found that things that have been said to me, that mean the most to me, are from people that I admire and respect the most. I believe their sincerity and knowledge of me, helps to validate the source of the advice and makes the comment that much more important. I look into someone's eyes to see the truth. If their eyes focus on me directly when they speak, then I know they are trying to be honest and up-front. If the eyes shy away when they are talking, I am not so sure I would fully trust their so-called "words of wisdom". Many people have said that the eyes never lie.
People have an uncanny way of "knowing" more about you and recollecting your life experiences; more than you may give them credit for. It would be very naive of you to think that you know more about yourself than your close friends. They see you as you truly are. If they choose to give you advice from time to time, you really should listen. If they happen to make a comment that sticks with you, all the better. They have made you think.
Pure and simple...
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- This storyworx page was last updated on January 27th, 1998 -