Awwwww. Isn't it cute?

Please, for the love of the deities, have your freaking tubes tied and get a vasectomy. Look at my little creatin. Isn't it cute? Look at the way it breaks things and tears down the signs in your office building. Aww, and the way it runs around and screams. Isn't it cute? It's so adorable the way it disrupts everyone from their tasks when I bring it to visit the place I used to work or take it with me on errands. I don't know why it's so hard to get a babysitter. Hmm. Oh look, there it is saying mommy over and over again. Isn't it cute the way I ignore it and let it terrorize everyone within earshot?

Donate your brain to charity. You're not using it.

Everyone has an opinion about something and most people have an opinion about many things. That's good. That makes you a thinking person. Who determined that these opinions should be expressed on your license plate? Every time I see some moron driving a "Choose Life" license plated car I want to choose their life. These are people who have never had to make a difficult decision in their whole lives, yet here they are telling other people where they stand on a moral issue every time they drive or park their cars. These are the same people who double park to pick up their kids from day care and block up the fire lanes in front of the grocery store because they want to make a quick ATM transaction. They inconvenience everyone around them while proclaiming that they have superiority by brandishing their opinions on their cars. I've seen them driving around a group of kids bouncing around in the backseat without seatbelts on too. Way to choose their little lives. Want to do a public service? Run them off the highway into deep ravines. And as their car tumbles hood over tailpipe, remind them that life is a beautiful choice.

Jesus saves. He uses coupons.

Why do you need to save me? Got Buddha? Found Jesus since he was lost down a well? I'm Taoist. Basically it means I believe that you should be a good person. You should have love in your heart and in your every action (this does not apply to driving in my case - I freaking hate driving since everyone else sucks at it so much). If you be a good person and leave other people alone, you will be a better person. Taoists don't canvass your neighborhood on bicycles wearing thin ties and bugging you at 8am on a Saturday. Taoists don't have a lot of rules governing their lives. Tao is the essence if every religion - and the one big thing that most practicing religious people seem to miss - love, respect, and happiness will make your life rich and worth living. So take your Jesus fish, your bumper stickers, your rosary beads, and your Mary air freshener and drive your car into the ravine with the choose life license plate people.