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"Look my shniggies, I had a strizoke in my brizaine! So I can't talk all good, kay?" --MC Pee Pants
"Woah." --Keanu Reeves
"It's my first real stab at cliche villainy. How am I doing?" --Xanatos
"If I was any better lookin', they'd need two of me to hold all the gorgeous!" --Tigger
"Last year I was obsessed with gnomes; my friend and I built this thing and I called it 'Magical Gnomes Inc.' *cough* but you don't need to know that." --Amy aka love-fool.
"It's great because now you don't have to be nervous when you just need a puff." --some dude on the news, commenting on Canada's decision to be more lenient on marijuana users
""Now is a great time to try a cherry slush or zesty south-of-the-border nachos! Cinco de mayo my, they're good!" --Gordo
"It's okay, you can come out now... the sea of raging hormones has ebbed." --Megara
"And then KT dies." --Brian
"I don't know my sexuality." --Laura Beth, trying to be me...
"Don't mess with gay mountain men." --Bobby Jo
G: "I guess Kate does sorta give off some visual signals which imply a biologically nuturing capability."
M: "We get it Gordo! She's stacked!"
G: "Yes. Yes she is." --Gordo and Miranda
"It's funny how two simple words, 'I promise,' will stall people for a while." --Jack Handy
"That's great, little miss whatever your name is, except for I DON'T CARE, and could you please SHUT UP, because I wasn't talking to you!" --Jessica
"This job would be great, if it weren't for the f--king customers." --Clerks
"If she were a president, she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln." --Garth
"Okay, yeah. Keanu was hot. You have to dig a man who can pull off a black trench coat without looking like a complete fag." --David
"Boy, I sure feel silly in this sailor's outfit." --Mickey, looking right at Donald Duck
"Did you just say penis?! Don't ever say that again!"- Random hallway outburst
"Like, I'm totally not in love with you anymore. It's so boring." --Julie
"Yeah, they didn't have a half-black, half-Korean icon so I just had to use the Asian pride one." --Thomas
"HEY! We're trying to have class here and no one cares about your grandma's haircut!" --Mrs. McCutchen
Z: "You blew the fuse!"
M: "No. I blew the fuse's mind." --Zorak and Moltar
"Wait a minute, this photo's been doctored! That's not Britney Spears' cleavage... that's my ass!" --Jimmy Fallon
"One of the worst things you can do as an actor, I think, is to forget your lines, and then get so flustered you start stabbing the other actors." --Jack Handy
"Geeks are generally the most interesting people." --Elijah Woods
"Rule Number One: Drummers never wear sleeves!" --the drum instructor
"Love knows nothing of order." --Saint Jerome
"The biggest sin is sitting on your ass." --Florynce Kennedy
"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." --Albert Einstein
"Pop music is the hardest shit to write." --Britney Spears
"I have come to the conclusion after many years of sometimes sad experience, that you cannot come to any conclusion at all." --Vita Sackville-West
"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me. I'm afraid of widths." --Steve Wright
"Ignorance killed the cat, sir. Curiosity was framed." --C.J. Cherryh
"Out here in the perimeter there are no stars. Out here we is stoned. Immaculate." --Jim Morrison
"The man who is always worrying whether or not his soul would be damned generally has a soul that isn't worth a damn." --Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I know nothing. Of this I am certain." --Socrates
"Truth is stranger than fiction --- to some people." --Mark Twain
"It is imposhibibble! Imposhibibble!" --the shoopuf driver
"It isn't the stork, it isn't the stork, it isn't the stork at all!" --Prince Dauntless
"I'm not prepared to use reverse psychology here, okay? I don't even understand regular psychology!" --Sam
"I've got some unfinished business with this puppet." --Riku
"They're cutting in line! The barbarians!"- Captain Zidgler
"Ride ze shoopuf?" --the shoopuf driver (this phrase will inexplicably hold a place in my heart as being infinitely cool).
"Oh yeah, I'm gay. So you should definitely take your shirt off." --Owen (speaking to a woman).
"Trapper keeper, you're so cool." --Cartman
"You can't count on God for jack! He basically told me so himself." --Bender
"Death is always pointless. That's the point." --Anubis
"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work. 'Hello, can't work today. Still queer.'" --Robin Tyler
"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
"I wish I was a VCR. Then I could rewind over and over again and live in the past." --from the fanfic 'Secluded and Obscured'
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." --John Wayne
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
"Okay, you had me until the INXS. Jesus doesn't listen to that shit." --Ed
"They could just bump into each other one day and shag for no apparent reason. And then never speak of it again." --KT in a convo w/Lane
"It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another." --George Bush
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
"Ah, the old 'exploding bear trap in the ass' trick." --Goemon
"It's like a circus tent, but instead of clowns it's filled with danger." --Ethan
"I'm different from what's out there right now. I'm authentic." --Avril Lavigne (oh god someone please chop her freaking head off!)
"Everyone is connected to Kevin Bacon." --Richard
"God, I hated those science videos. Graphic and uncomfortable...like porn, but really, REALLY boring." --from the fanfic "Secluded and Obscured"
"Two hours of Britney, Britney, Britney... I was blinded by the hottness." --Lane
"I mean, the nose was a little much. It was like 'ribbed for her pleasure.'" --Hal Sparks (on Alf's nose)
"George Michael? Gay? Not the frontman for Wham! Surely you jest." --Michael Ian Black
"Sleep is for boring people. And for losers." --Elizabeth
R: "It's some kind of blind feind!"
G: "I think they prefer to be called visually-challenged fiends." --Rizzo the Rat and the Great Gonzo
"Thanks to the American people's insatiable desire for inexpensive cargo pants, I will have sex with you tonight." --the old navy lady
"I had a match once. Lit my pipe with it. Fascinating." --Sherlock Holmes III
"Okay, you had me until the INXS. Jesus doesn't listen to that shit." --Ed
"It's like Trix: magically delicious." --Ms. Dillon