Jokes
Life generally sucks and sometimes everyone needs a good laugh. This is the place to come for it, happy reading, if you have a joke to add, submit it for review
here
.
(DISCLAIMER
Some of these jokes may be offensive, i take no responsibility if you are offended simply because it's not my fault you lead a sheltered life, you fucking pussy. If this pisses you off feel free to say so
here
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Three guys are walking along the beach when they find a magic lamp. One of them picks it up and rubs it and out pops a genie who, upon release thanks them all and offers as thanks a wish for each of them. The first guy says "well a while back my wife and daughter were in a car accident and they both died, I'd really appreciate it if you could bring them back for me."
"so be it", the genie waves his hand and the man's wife and child magically appear. The second man says, "Well my grandmother recently lost a battle with cancer and I really loved her could you bring her back for me?"
So be it" The genie waves his hand and the grandmother magically appears.
The genie looks to the third man and asks "what will your wish be, sir?" The man points to the recently reincarnated people and says " see all these people, i want them dead."
There are so many dead baby jokes that i created a special sub-page just for them,enjoy!
Baby Jokes
Q: What's better than winning gold at the special olympics?
A: Not being retarded
Q: Why did the little boy fall off the swing?
A: Because he had no arms
Q: Why don't women wear watches?
A: There's a clock on the stove
Q: What doesn't belong in this list: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob
A: You can beat your meat, eggs and wife, but nothing beats a blowjob
Q: Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A: It doesn't need cleaning
Q: What's white, smells and can be found in panties?
A: Clitty litter
Q: Who's the greatest athlete in the world?
A: The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy
Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Nevermind that, why the fuck was she out of the kitchen?
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains than cows?
A: So when you pull their tits, they don't shit on the floor
Q: How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
A: None, it should be open when she brings it to you
Q: What's white sticky and falls from the sky?
A: The cumming of the lord
Q: Why did raggedy anne get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on pinnochio's face and moaning "lie to me"
Q: What's faster than a shiny penny rolling down a hill?
A: The Jew chasing after it
Q: What has four legs and eight arms?
A: a pitt bull in a playground
Q: What is red and orange and looks good on hippies?
A: Fire
Q: Why did the cat fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead
Q: What's the difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap the bitch
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
Have you heard about the new barbie?
It's called divorce barbie, it comes with all of Ken's stuff