This is another review originally posted to this very cool music list I’m on.
Rank & Defiled Rock Classics, volume 19
The Five-Seven-Five Review
I’ve held off posting this for several reasons, one of them
being that even I’m embarassed by how silly it is.
There’s nothing novel, I know, about using haiku–
I was “inspired” by this one:
kenny g is like
an old bowl of cheerios;
vast zeroes for mush
Anyway, long live R&D!
Ha – ang on Sloopy
marches past the point
In a white room with
lots of planes and bombs
Paint it black, damn you!
It’s blowin’, all right!
Something in the wind smells like
ripe doggie doodle
Yesterday, all my–
Yipes! What in the world is this?
Nothing sudden here
Maynard Ferguson: Move
Over
Fergie ain’t
Maynard vent your spit valve now
Horn of plenty–NOT!
Maynard Ferguson:
Living In The Past
Five/four time–now dance!
Living in a cardboard box
without this record
Four King Cousins: God
Only Knows
Four king cousins, huh?
A joke about royalty
inbreeding punchline
Eviscerating
Brian Wilson masterpiece
It’s too four king bad
Harry Belafonte: Down
on the Corner
Tally this ‘nanner!
CCR and Harry-NO!
Limbo on THIS, bud!
Last name not “Horny”
In my life, I loathe this song
Last train to lameville
Si Zentner: Walk-Don’t
Run
Si has a cool name
Here, Si, take this wad of cash
Buy a freaking clue
Jan Peerce: And I Love
Her
And I love her, huh?
Not enough to spare this song
Beatles get reamed again
Rudy Vallee:
Geezer, take a tip–
Trade megaphone for tailpipe
Breathe deeply, Rudy
Rudy Vallee: Michelle
Lecherous love song
Cuddle up to your bedpan!
Michelle, my sore ears!
Martin Denny: Blowin’
In The Wind
New Christy Minstrals:
Blowin’ In The Wind
How many times must
A lamb fall down before they
Carve it for gyros?
New Christy Minstrals:
These Boots Are Made for Walkin’
Wimpy folkie nerds
I’d pay to see it
Arthur Lyman: Hang On
Sloopy
Cover band chestnut
I have played this one for years
Mallet it to death!
Living Trio: Hitchin’
A Ride
Hitchin’ a ride with
a psychopathic trio
You call this living?
Martin Denny: Judy’s
Turn To Cry
Judy’s not alone
Tropical breezes blow foul
We will all cry now
The Sunset Strings:
Oh! Pretty Woman
Beauty is skin deep
Sunset Strings prove old adage
Ugly to the core
Sunset Strings: Dream
Baby
The sun sets too soon
Roy Orbison spins in grave
Dream baby-nightmare
Harvey Averne Dozen:
The Word
Breezy cover tune
Will the torture never end?
Say the word, it’s AAARRRGGH!
David Bowie: Knock On
Wood
The thin white duke, huh?
David stick to diamond dogs
Leave soul to the Yanks
Steve & Eydie:
Turn Down Day
Merv Griffin Show guests
Are you trying to “rock out”?
Turn this down right now!
Tony Mottola: Love
Child
Tony, why did you
pimp-slap this bastard like a
red-headed stepchild?
Ricky Nelson: I Shall
Be Released
Poor Harriet’s kid
Released from mortality
Fly like a brick, man!
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