Till Lindemann's Christmas List
Till
is dreaming...of a White Christmas, just like the one's he used to know. That
way his gray hair won't show up as much when he heads out to the bars.
Dearest Santa,
I write to you today a broken man. I have a bad knee, a smoking problem, a drinking problem, a sex addiction and my heart is broken because I'm lost without Jessi. Where is she!? WHY DIDN'T SHE COME SEE ME IN CLEVELAND? My god my god, I pine for her. PINE...
Anyhoo, here is my Christmas list, and please don't forget my 15 children this Christmas. You'll know them by their angular jaws and green eyes.
Please bring to me:
- A vasectomy
- The Nicotrol Patch
- An Ab Roller
- Fifteen pounds of Leberkasen
- A case of pregnancy tests to give as gifts
- A pony
- A video on TRL
- Britney Spears with that Snake
- A new motorcycle
- A buxom physical therapist
- A divorce for Jessi, and a bring her right to my home wearing nothing but a red bow around her neck
- Some new whips
- An X-Box
- Kurt Loder's Head on a plate
So you see, Santa, it's not that much. I hope you can deliver it, or else I may have to set you on fire. And nobody wants that.
Love always,
Dietrich