| Quotes That People Will Still Be Talking About 100 Years From Now |
| "As a smartass, it's my job to push people's buttons. But I'm a smartass with a positive attitude." "I'm indifferent to what people say. I'm kind of an outsider. I don't want to say I'm overly secure-but I'm overly secure." About his job at KCBA: "They let me do some weird stuff. I talked about my hair a lot. I have a cowlick, and I once had people vote on which side I should part it on." About basketball: "I was a slow white player, and I still am. I peaked in the seventh grade." "The truth will come out eventually that I'm just a simple kid from the Midwest with a dream to dance, dance, dance." "You laugh, you mock, but Kilborn can dance!" "Maybe I'd be funnier if I was 5-foot-6. Then I could be mad at the world. But I'm not. I just kind of coast." "This is an act, it's a character. There's no way I could be like that in real life." "Based on my personality, I can carry a show for 12 minutes. And that includes 2 commercial breaks." "My goal has never been to be the funniest person in the room, then you're trying too hard. But I'd like to be in the top two." On his hair: "It's where I get my strength from. If you don't tell anybody, you can touch it. Run your fingers through it. I just washed it and it's fluffy." "I think I have the best job in America. I love being on a 12:30 and I love following David Letterman. I miss New York, but I'm healthier in L.A. I have the sun and beaches and speeding along the PCH. See if you can catch me, coppers!" On Brazil: "I've been to, the people, particularly the ladies, are beautiful." "I don't miss ESPN any longer, but I do follow the NBA, or the debacle that is the NBA." "Off camera I cry a lot. I sleep in the fetal position. I'm a sensitive guy." Did you have a favorite toy growing up?..."This is a little sad, but in 3rd or 4th grade, I had a ventriloquist doll, that I'd rather not talk about right now." (Was his name Rudy?) "Well his name originally was Danny O'Day, got him out of the Sears catalog and I spent 3 months trying to come up with a name, and I came up with the name Lenny Carr. C-A-R-R. And then when I got him, he didn't have a hole in his back. It was a string in his neck, and I didn't play with him. I put him in the box. I gave up. I could've been a ventriloquist. You just pulled that out of me." On guests: "They know I'm harmless." "This is the most important show of my life, because it's the one I'm doing right now...I just want to change the world, one show at a time." "I'm a professional. I welcome the pressure of carrying the male 18-to-34 demographic on my back. And now that Bette is cancelled, I'm carrying the gay demo as well. That was a funny joke. Do you need me to repeat it?" On his show: "There's highbrow, there's witty, there's puns, there's obnoxious." "Guess what? I'm here to improve the taste of America!" "Well, once a month I would dance, dance, dance-just really awkward. You know, a 6-5 geek moving and he should be dancing." "There are misconceptions that could stay with you for a long time or they'll go away. It's more the responsibility of the critic to watch the show and figure it out. It's no skin off my back. I've always had thick skin, but I'll tell you, it's a lot thicker than it used to be." "I'm not afraid of spiders either. The things that frighten me, and I can admit this...I don't like rats and I don't like mice. Because I believe that they are quicker than spiders. A rat's gonna run across and freak me out, I mean, and I guess you can step on a spider with, you're wearing shoes, you can't step on a rat. You know what I'm saying? So they frightn me. And if it's in a trap, not that I have them in my house, I don't thank God, but if it's in a trap, even a mouse, I'm getting someone else, I'll get a girlfriend to take it out, I'm not taking it out. I don't like to see mice. They're furry-I don't like the furriness." "I'm a pretty positive guy-check your negativity at the door." |
| Mainly quotes from magazines. |
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