Robert Abele
Maxim-July 2002
We have more than 5 questions for you. That going to be a problem?
I can handle it. I appreciate it, actually. I don't want you ripping off my stuff and throwing it back in my face. Be original.
You don't have a sidekick, and you announce yourself at the beginning of the show. Where else are you cutting corners?
I wear the same shoes every night. And I don't actually wear makeup; it's usually just the sun-kissed California weather beating down on me. I'll tell you one place we don't cut corners: the jokes are always dewy fresh.
Have you heard of any drinking games played by your viewers?
Yeah, whenever I touch my hair people have to knock one back. Which is fine, but for me personally, drinking has never been a game-it's more of a lifestyle choice. Now that I'm older, though, I try to practice moderation.
There's now a point where the weekend actually ends.
Yeah. Wednesday.
Besides suggesting a round of quarters, what should a guest never do?
When I say something witty or charming at their expense, they shouldn't cry.
What's your relationship with your hair been like lately?
I was shooting this movie, and I sat down in the chair and said, "It's long. I don't want to fiddle with it anymore." And they just chopped it off. It's one less thing to worry about. Years ago Pat Riley had the slicked-back hairdo, and people thought he was making a fashion statement. He said, "No, no. It's just low-maintenance. I squirt the gel, comb back once, and don't worry about it."
Old School is your first movie. Who do you play?
I play the knucklehead philandering boyfriend of a woman who ends up with the lead character. The knucklehead thing I can pull off. This is my first film so I purposely didn't try to steal so many scenes. I didn't want to upstage the high-priced talent: Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, Luke Wilson. There were probably a few scenes I did maybe a little too well, so I told them they can use the lesser takes if they wanted to.
What was the pinnacle of your basketball career?
I played in college, at Montana State. I'm a slow white kid with a beautiful jump shot, but I wasn't that interested in...what's it called?...defense. There's an old play called the give-and-go - my version was "give me the ball and go to hell." I shot a lot. And I sat on the bench a lot. Which had its advantages: You don't have to shower after the game, so you can get out of the locker room and be back in the dorm by the time Matlock comes on.
How did you land that sweet SportsCenter gig?
I was working local TV in California, and I had a good tape. At that time ESPN2 was starting up, and my agent figured I might have a shot at that because my tape was pretty out-there. Then ESPN said, "No he's doing SportsCenter." I called my dad and said, "I'm no longer on local TV anymore." He said, "Great, now you can become an embarrassment to the family on a national level."
What was experiencing that first burst of fame like?
The summer before I started at ESPN, back in 1993, I saw Bill Murray waiting for his car outside a deli. I never bother people but he and Letterman are big influences, right? Along with Barry Williams, who played Greg Brady. Anyway, I went up and said, "Hi, Bill. I heard you're going to do Letterman's first show on CBS." He goes, "I can't talk about that." But he was nice, chatted me up, and then he goes, "Who are you?" I said, "I'm nobody, Bill." Four months later Dan Patrick at ESPN says to me, "Hey, Craig, Bill Murry is on the phone, wants to say hi." Bill said, "I think you're very funny, and I enjoy your work."
Is there anything out there that shouldn't be considered a sport?
Well, golf should be reclassified from a "sport" to a "difficult activity." And seriously, haven't we all dreamed of putting a forearm into a skateboarder's throat when they're on the sidewalk? I don't get all this extreme sport stuff. When I was a kid something x-rated was about sex, now you see it and it's just, "Oh punk kids with tattoos."
CBS built you a basketball court. What will you demand next?
Some of the guests, they want to take a dip after the show, and CBS won't build me a pool, or at least a Jacuzzi. That doesn't take up a lot of space. I don't know how many times after a taping Ben Stein will say, "Hey, Craig. Let's take a Jacuzzi," and I mumble, "We don't have one." It's embarrassing.
When you have a hot starlet or model on, do you ever keep the flirting going off-camera?
I think it makes for good TV, but I assume we're doing it just for the broadcast. Years ago Letterman said, "You'd have to be crazy to date an actress or model." I always thought, Yeah, there's a certain neurosis that comes with being a famous actress. Now the model thing, I don't know what the hell he's talking about. Sign me up for that.
