V: Yes, but not now. The season finale of "Gil Iggan's Asteroid" is going to be on in a little while, and I'm probably going to miss it!

A: Ah. Well, you could always record it.

V: *sighs* It's not the same...

(Vader walks on.)

A: Well, since you brought it up, here's the eternal question: Gin-Jurr or Ma'Reeann?

V: Ma'Reeann.

A: See, I'm a Gin-Jurr guy myself.

V: Please. Gin-Jurr is a tramp.

A: You say that like it's a bad thing.

(Vader hops in a turbolift.)

A: The thing that I can never understand is why the professor doesn't just fix the ship and get them off the asteroid. I mean, the guy can make a landspeeder out of toothpicks and mynock droppings, for crying out loud.

V: I thought that would be obvious. He's
intentionally keeping them on the asteroid.

A: Really?

V: Really. Frankly, I have to admire his sinister resolve.

A: So, what brought you to that conclusion?

V: Think about it. The professor was a scientist, so he probably wasn't doing too well with the ladies.

A: So?

V: So fate intervenes, and the professor suddenly finds himself shipwrecked on an asteroid with both Gin-Jurr
and Ma'Reeann. And his only competition is a fat starship captain, an idiot first mate, and a middle-aged married man. The Professor's got it made! Of course he doesn't want to leave.

A: But Mr. How-El is rich. That's gotta be pretty attractive.

V: So? Credits don't mean a thing on that asteroid. The guy who can build a jacuzzi out of an old engine tube -
that's the guy the chicks are going to flock to.

A: But what about Gil Iggan? It's usually
his wacky antics that keep them on the asteroid - not anything the Professor does.

V: True. But I believe that some of Gil Iggan's ineptitude could be due to a post-hypnotic suggestion implanted by the professor, causing him to unconsciously sabotage any rescue efforts.

A: Post-hypnotic suggestion. Really.

V: Indeed.

(Vader steps out of the turbolift and into a corridor. There he stops, waiting for Obi-Wan to show up.)

A: You know, you've put
way too much thought into this.

V: That's nothing. You should hear my theories on "The Bray-Dee Bunch"...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ABOARD THE DEATH STAR:

(Near the docking bay holding the
Millenium Falcon, Vader waits in a corridor, lightsaber lit.)

ANAKIN: So the padawan says, "A statue of Dooku? I thought he said poodoo!"

(pause)

VADER: I don't get it.

A: Well, see-

(Just then, Obi-Wan comes around the corner, sees Vader, and activates his own lightsaber.)

A: Wow, you were right. He was coming this way.

V: Of course. Now I'll just step forward and spout something suitably menacing, yet mocking, and...uh-oh.

A: Uh-oh? What's "uh-oh"?

V: Brain freeze.

A: You're kidding.

V: I never kid.

A: True...

V: Help me out here. What do I say?

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