(Grand Moff Tarkin, Leia Organa, and Vader are standing together in the Death Star's control room, looking out at the tiny blue orb of Alderaan. Threatened with the planet's destruction, Leia tells them that the Rebels are on Dantooine, and Tarkin orders the gunners to continue the operation and fire when ready...)
VADER: Yeah. Isn't it wizard?
A: No, it's not wizard! I mean, millions of lives lost! Men, women, children...puppies, man! Puppies!
V: Don't worry, I dispatched some shuttlecraft an hour ago to evacuate all the puppies.
A: Really?
V: Hey, I'm not completely heartless.
A: Well, that's something, at least. But what about all the people?
V: What about them?
A: Hel-LO? They're going to die!
V: I prefer to think of them as merging with the Force.
A: It's interesting how you only remember the Jedi rhetoric when it's convenient...
V: Besides, half my creditors are down there. I've got their minimum monthly payment right here! HA!
(The Death Star's superlaser begins to power up.)
A: Well, I guess you can kiss your music career goodbye.
V: What?
A: Remember how you always wanted something to fall back on, in case this whole "dominate the galaxy" thing didn't work out?
V: Yeah...
A: Well, you're about to flush those musical aspirations down the toilet. Because it's not just your creditors who're down there - it's your record label, too. The ones who saw you in that karaoke bar on Nal Hutta a few months ago. They saw the potential in you. They steered you away from that whole "yodelling Sith Lord" routine you were into at the time-
V: Hey, the Noghri loved the yodelling.
A: Man, the Noghri love line dancing, too. But that's beside the point. The record execs helped sculpt you a new image. A new style. Even gave you your stage name. What was it they called you?
V: Funkmaster D.
A: Yeah. Well, "Funkmaster"...the guys who did all that for you, the guys who were planning to release your debut album - "THX This, Mutha!" - next month? Y'know, those guys? You're about to blow them into atoms.
V: Well, um...I can just take the master tapes for that album to another company. Yeah! That's what I'll do!
A: Yo, D. The master tapes are down on Alderaan.
V: What?!
(The Death Star fires, destroying Alderaan. They all watch the shock wave ripple off into space.)
A: Guess it's back to the karaoke bars, huh?
V: Shut. Up.
------------------
(Vader and Tarkin are in the conference room discussing the possibility of Obi-Wan Kenobi being alive when a call comes through alerting them to danger in the detention area. Tarkin orders all sections put on alert.)
VADER: (aloud) Obi-Wan is here. The Force is with him.
TARKIN: If you're right, he must not be allowed to escape.
V: Escape is not his plan. I must face him...alone.
V: Razza-frazzin, no good piece of- He would pick now to show up.
ANAKIN: What's the problem?
V: Obi-Wan! After all these years, he finally pokes his head out, and now I'll have to waste time dueling him.
A: So? You like dueling.
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