About an hour later daddy came into my room. Hi princess he said. Hi daddy. Come here will you. Ok. I have something to say to you. Is it about the baby? Yes it is. I climbed up into his lap and looked into his eyes. I could tell that he had been crying. She’s not coming home is she. No princess, she isn’t. She died today. But why daddy? Do you remember when you and mommy went to Dr. Kerry’s office and you got to hear your baby’s heart beat? And how that mommy had to get some tests done? Yes I remember. Well those tests showed that there was a problem with the baby’s heart, but Dr. Kerry thought that it would fix itself while it was growing in your mommy’s tummy. But it didn’t did it. No it didn’t princess. When we got to the hospital today, your baby had already died. There was nothing that your mommy or Dr. Kerry or I could do. She just didn’t have a strong enough heart, so she died. Is she in heaven? Yes I believe she is in heaven, and she is looking down on all of us, making sure that we have strong hearts since hers was so weak. Is mommy ok. Yes honey, she’s ok. But something also happened to her. When the baby was born, she took quite a lot out of your mommy, so Dr. Kerry had to do everything to help save your mommy so that she could come home to you. I guess what I am trying to say is that there won’t be any more baby brothers or sisters for you or JJ. When can we go see her? Well Dr. Kerry gave her some strong medicine so that she could sleep the rest of the day. How about if you and I go see her in the morning. I’d like that. Ok. I have to go into the office for a little while, but then I’m going to come home and spend some time with you and JJ tonight ok? Then in the morning we’ll go see mommy. I’d like that daddy.
I didn’t do much the rest of that day, I couldn’t I was so sad. I kept going around the house looking for mommy knowing she wasn’t there. I even went into the nursery that Regina, JJ and I had set up. I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed the baby hart teddy bear, and held onto it and cried. That’s where daddy found me when he came home. Oh princess. Don’t cry. But I could tell that he had been crying too. Everything will be all right. NO IT WON”T no it won’t….I won’t ever get to hold my baby sister. I won’t get to tell her who I am, who JJ is, who Regina is, who Max was. I won’t get to tell her to always keep her hair long, cause you’ll get into trouble if you cut it. I won’t get to show her Jordyn’s doggie and kitty cat and to tell her not to throw kitties from the trees. I’ll never get to do any of that. I was crying hysterically and daddy just let me cry. I know baby, I know. Why daddy? Why? Why did God let my baby sister die? I don’t know princess, but do you know what I think? What daddy? I think that God needed another angel up in heaven. You see he has been sending so many angels down to earth lately that he needed another one back up in heaven, so he decided he needed your baby. Doesn’t God know that we need her too? Yes, but I think he needed her more. Do you mean that my little sister is an angel now daddy? Yes princess, I think she is. Is she my guardian angel? I don’t know, but she possibly could be. Ok daddy. Say, How about you JJ and I going to McDonald’s for hamburgers tonight? I know they’re your favorites. No thanks daddy, I just want to stay home tonight. Ok princess, whatever you want. Do you think I could sleep with you tonight? Sure. Now lets get out of here ok? Ok daddy.
I went to sleep in Mommy and daddy’s room that night, but it felt strange that mommy wasn’t there with us. I couldn’t sleep much, cause I was thinking about what daddy had said about my baby being my guardian angel, and I guessed he was right. Cause I figured with all the trouble that I have gotten into, God must have thought I needed a whole bunch of angels to watch over me. When I close my eyes I could imagine my baby sister with long dark hair, and blue eyes looking a lot like my daddy except that she had angel wings on her, and she was watching over daddy, JJ and I as we slept. I must have fallen asleep cause the next thing I know daddy was bringing me breakfast in bed. Here sleepyhead, you need to eat something before we go see mommy today. Ok daddy, and I ate every bit of my breakfast.
