UNCLE JOHN'S LOVE LIFE EVALUATION TEST
Answer the questions by clicking in the white circles

I get lucky at least

Once a week
Once a month
Once a year
I couldn't get lucky in a women's prison with a handfull of pardons

I haven't gotten lucky in over a year because

I'm ugly
Everybody I know is ugly
It's a sin
I'm a senior citizen and I don't even know what you're talking about

To me, the most important quality in a partner is

Intelligence
A good personality
A sense of humor
A pretty face and a cute tutu
All of the above
Just the pretty face and cute tutu. I don't care about that other stuff

What turns me on?

Romantic music
A cute tush
Mud wrestling
Anything vaguely warm
I need to know the difference between a tush and a tutu?

I prefer partners who are

Tall
Short
Full figured
Thin
Desparate

I have experienced

Only one partner
Between one and ten
More than ten....if you count Ralph
I've lost count
It's hard to say cause I don't count the ugly ones

I prefer being intimate

In a standard missionary configuration
While standing up in a hammock
I don't care as long as I can be in the same room

My favorite time for physical intimacy is

When I'm alone and can concentrate
When I'm with somebody
With my friend Rover
When ever I can talk somebody into it

Being intimate is best when

It's night
It's day
It's possible

The biggest problem I have getting a partner is

I never seem to be there at closing time
I'm afraid of naked people
I'm married
Getting them to stop laughing

I require my partners to be

Georgeous
At least reasonably attractive
At least pleasant to be with
At least awake

In the past, I have had experience with

Only one partner at a time
Two partners at the same time
More than two partners at the same time
A chicken
More than one chicken at the same time



This is the Personality section of your test

My brother was the evil twin, not me

I was the evil twin, my brother was a faggot



My parents weren't sure I was theirs

I hope those people weren't my parents



I am an alien

I am a tranvestite



I am an illegal alien

I am an illegal alien transvestite



Animals talk to me

Animals talk dirty to me


Descartes' quote "Cogito ergo sum" is latin for "I think, therefore I'm gay

That's not what it means!



I wish Ellen would shut up about it and go back to being funny again

I wanna see "Will" nail "Grace".....just once



My felony convictions make it hard for me to get dates

I think its my my felony convictions that make it hard for me to get dates.... not my hunchback



I believe that every individual is unique in the way they think and when they disagree with my ideas they're just being stupid

I believe that every individual is unique in the way they think and when they disagree with my ideas I kill them



My counselor is helping me to learn not to hurt my pets

I am not not allowed be be around animals without supervision


I'm never wrong! There have been times when other people or sources of information have provided me with insufficient or erroneous data upon which to base my conclusions but that wasn't my fault

I have a pretend girlfriend who pretends I'm not real



I believe "The Matrix" is real

Whaa!.. jeez, wait, my penis just fell off!"



I think Johnnie should get a life and stop making up these stupid tests

I would never let Johnnie marry my sister..... or brother (which ever, I don't really know him that well)"

Click HERE to see your results.