"I never even had the chance to ask her." Kevin said so solemnly.  He hadn't slept in days and the effects were plastered all over his face.   Ann Richardson sat down next to her son on the bench that was on the small balcony of his house, so worried about him, and the fact that Brooke's funeral was this afternoon didn't help.

    "Did you sleep at all last night?" She asked, having spent the night down the hall in the extra bedroom.  He shook his head.  "We're you out here all night?"  he didn't answer, but she knew he had been.

    "I wasted so much time without her mom.   It isn't fair.  Why did she have to leave me?"  He said, the only tears she had witnessed him cry falling from his eyes.  And the first time he had revealed his feelings to her or to anyone she imagined.  He hadn't spent much  time at home since given the news of Brooke's death, he had mainly been at her place, doing mindless work in the barn, barely seeing or talking to anyone.

    "What am I gonna do?" He whispered, shaking his head and staring down at the wood beneath his bare feet.

    "God, I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't.  I'm never gonna love anyone like I loved her. Why did she have to die mom? Why?" His fists were clenched tightly and pressed firmly against his forehead.

    "I don't have the answers you're looking for Kevin.  Sometimes it's just people's time to go." His mother attempted the comfort he wanted, but she knew of the loss and the hurt he was feeling, and that nothing but time would heal it.

    "It wasn't  her time to go." He yelled, sliding over on the seat, shrugging his mothers hand from his shoulder.   "I was gonna ask her to marry me, no one is that cruel.  God wouldn't be that cruel to that to us, would he?"   She watched her son question his own faith with tears in his eyes, reaching over and taking his hand in her own.  She sat with him in silence, staring out at dawn's rising sun, ready to listen when he was ready to speak again.

    "How can I go on with my life knowing that she should be in it?" He suddenly said, springing off the bench and leaning against the edge of the balcony.  He paced back and forth his arms restlessly trying to find a place to go.  She watched him wrestle with his anger and his sadness, his hands punching against one another, wanting so desperately to hit something.  He crouched down like he was catching  a baseball in a game, his hands covering his face, his back leaning against the wrought iron bars of the balcony.

    "This is killing me."  He choked out.   "I just want one more minute, I need to tell her how much I loved her, what she meant to me."

    "Honey I think she knew." his mother replied as she knelt by his side.

    "But I want to tell her!"  he cried in frustration, standing up, she did as well.  "I want to kiss her and love her for just one more moment............. I want to hug her and feel her heart beating.......I just........" he cut his own words off, crying with violent emotions  as his mother pulled him into her arms.

    "Let it out baby, it's okay, let it out."  He seemed like the fragile baby she had held in her arms almost thirty years ago, not the large man he had grown into, his sobs shaking her body so much she could feel it deep within herself, wanting to cry, but needing to be his rock for the moment.  He needed her.
 
 

        “Welcome aboard ladies and gentlemen.  We are cruising at a comfortable altitude of 28,000 feet,” said the captain as Nick listened on the overhead speaker.  He couldn't get comfortable in his seat.  He kept changing positions and even his seat belt was too tight across his lap.  Nick sighed and looked over at Annie who was staring out the window.  They were on their way to Kentucky.  This was a trip neither had dreamed of making, nor did they want to make it at all.   Nick watched Annie stare blankly out the window.  He bit the inside of his cheek.  He was worried about her.  She hadn't said hardly anything since the phone call from Kevin.  Annie hadn't cried.  She hadn't complained.  She was mute.  Nick was worried.  The last time she stopped talking, I almost didn't get her back, he thought.  He ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes for a second.  Images of Brooke and Annie flashed before his eyes.  They were memories of that weekend she came to talk to Annie.  How did this happen? he wondered.  Nick looked back over at Annie and remembered her laughing with Brooke. Will I ever hear that laugh again? he wondered.

    “Baby?” Nick whispered as he touched her arm.  Annie shook herself out of her daze,

    “Huh?”

    “How ya doin’?” Nick asked with his voice full of concern.

    “I'm fine,” Annie says.  Her tone was flat and emotionless.  Nick kissed the top of Annie's shoulder and grabbed her hand.  He squeezed Annie's hand, but she didn't squeeze back.  Nick's heart dropped.

    “Annie,” Nick said.  Annie looked directly into Nick's eyes,

    “Nick, please,” she said pleadingly.

Nick sighed and sat up straight in his seat.  He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer. Please God, let Annie come through this okay.  Please, Brooke, let Annie be okay.
 
 

        Annie got out of the rental car she  had driven down the tree lined roads to Kevin's house.  She stared up at the house Brooke had just recently moved into,  thankful she had gotten the directions right.  Walking slowly up the stairs of the porch she tentatively knocked on the door.  Not sure of what she was going to say or do.   The door opened shortly and Annie saw Kevin  standing before her.  The first real view she'd had of him in over for years.

    "Kevin," she said almost questioningly.  he didn't respond, he simply stood back and held the door open for her to come in.

    "Can I get you anything to drink?  Juice or tea of anything?"  He asked as she kicked out of her shoes and walked into his house.

    "No thanks."

    "Well come have a seat or something." he said, showing her the way to the living room, and
waiting for her to sit down on the couch before sitting in the chair next to it.    Neither of them knew what to say, not wanting to get emotional.  Annie simply stared around the room, catching glimpse of the same picture of Brooke and Kevin she had been sent; framed in a silver frame on the mantle.  She looked so happy. Annie thoughts being interrupted by Kevin.

    "So was your flight okay."

    "Yeah, it was fine."  She said, still looking around the room.  It seemed so empty and cold.

    "You have a nice house."

    "Thanks." he muttered, not really knowing what to say.  Another long gap of silence fell between them.
 
 

    "So did Nick come with you?"

    "Ummm, yeah he's at the hotel." Annie said.  She looked at Kevin and saw emptiness in his eyes, an emptiness she herself was feeling.  She stared down at the floor, the big ball sitting in her throat building bigger and bigger, but she shook it off, her mind telling her over and over that she couldn't get upset.

    "Ya know, I've heard quite a bit about you," she finally said.  Kevin laughed lightly,

    "Yeah I've heard 'a little' about you too."  Annie smiled.   There conversation continued with uncomfortable small talk, both of them avoiding any emotional subject, but feeling the need to talk.

    "Um, I have something to give you Annie.  Will you wait here a second while I go get it?"

    "Yeah." She sighed.  Annie sat on Kevin's couch and waited for him to return.  He came in  within a few moments carrying a big file box.

    "Oh God," she muttered under her breath, terrified about what was in it, and what it would do to her.  Kevin set the box next to her on the couch.  Annie peered over its edge, her eyes filling with tears.

    "Her letters and stuff are all in there.  I didn't read them or anything it's none of my business, but you should have them.  Um there's some pictures of you guys in there, and a lot of stuff she kept in this old shoe box that held memories for her, I was hoping you'd know what most of it was. "  Annie began rifling through the box.   There were pictures of the two of them from Camp Wyatt and trips the two had made to see each other.  There was their scrapbook filled with the objects of their affections at the time, an old paper voodoo doll Annie had made her after a bad break up, worn and battered friendship bracelets, but she took out the one thing that was the most painful.  The letters.  The thick stack of letters she had written Brooke over the years all still in their envelopes and tied in a pile with an old shoelace.   Annie's soul wanted to cry out, but she remained silent as she untied the knot, allowing the letters to spill before her.

    "Wow, these are old," she whispered, beginning to read through some of them.  Memories of their friendship flooded back into her brain.   Happy times, sad times and times where Annie wasn't even herself.  Annie let out a loud sigh.

    "Are you okay Annie?" Kevin suddenly asked.   She nodded and began to put the letters back in their pile, tying the shoelace back over them and putting everything back into the box, breathing in an out slowly trying to gain her composure.

    "Is there anything else of hers you wanted?" he wondered.

    "Just Brooke." She muttered almost indecipherably.  Annie's heart started to pound loudly and she could feel her chest start to close up and her breathing becoming labored.  "I gotta go Kevin, Nick is waiting for me at the hotel."  She jumped off the couch and made her way to the door, putting on her shoes.

    "Wait!" Kevin said, grabbing the box she had left on the couch and meeting her at the door.
As she stood up she took the box from his arms.

    "Thanks Kevin." She said quietly.

    "Annie, wait.  Please tell me you're gonna be okay."

    Annie wanted to scream out, 'No, I'm not going to be okay. How can I be okay when one of the most important people in my life is gone?' But all she said was , "Don't worry about me Kevin."

    "Look, I'm allowed to worry.  You were a big part of Brooke's life, so you are a part of mine now too."  Annie smiled at his sentiment.

    "Thank you Kevin, I appreciate that.  But really, I'm okay," she said quietly.

    "I'm okay!" She reiterated when he looked at her with doubting eyes.

    "Yeah so am I." he said knowingly and took the box out of Annie's hand to give her a hug.   Wrapping his large arms around her small frame, holding her tight like she was his last connection to Brooke.  Annie fell into Kevin's embrace.  Every ounce of her being wanted to scream out to the God's and wonder why Brooke had been taken away from them.  Kevin was the only person who knew how she felt, who was feeling the same loss and heartbreak that he was and Annie clung to him in hopes of feeling a part of Brooke inside of him.  Annie fought back tears and held Kevin tightly.

    "She felt that you were back ya know.  I caught her looking at an old photo album one day crying her eyes out with a stupid grin on her face and all she could say was 'she's herself again'"  Annie closed her eyes and shook a little in his arms.

    "She helped me so much.  I've always thanked God for her friendship Kevin."

    "She felt the same way."  Annie let out a little whimper.  She hugged Kevin tightly for another second and then quickly pulled out of the hug.

    "I have to go," she said.

    "Okay." he conceded, picking up the box and handing it to her again.  "I'll see you this afternoon okay."  Annie nodded and quickly made her exit.  She walked down the walkway and then stopped.  She looked at the box in her hands.

    "This is all I have left of Brooke," she thought.  She felt a tear run down her cheek.  Annie shook off her sadness and walked to the car, not looking back at the house, not wanting to look back at anything.
 
 

        Annie and Nick walked hand in hand into the regal looking building  where they were holding Brooke's funeral.  It would be another hour before people started arriving, but Annie wanted to be here, she wanted time alone with Brooke to say goodbye without anyone else around.  They walked through the large doors of the funeral home into the parlor.  Stretched out before them were rows and rows of pews, the layout of the room sort of resembled a church, but more quaint and warm.  The sun shone brightly in the large windows on one side of the room, casting a beautiful angelic glow over everything.  Annie felt Nick squeeze her hand and as she looked up he gestured towards the front of the room, where surrounded by endless amounts of flowers was the casket.  Kevin sat next to it, his back to them and his shoulders shaking up and down as he cried.

    Annie pulled Nick forward as they made their way up the aisle.  She placed her hand gently on Kevin's shoulder, he had stopped crying once he realized someone was there, simply sniffing away his tears.  Finally when he had calmed down enough he turned around to acknowledge her presence.

    "Hi." He said somberly, sort of embarrassed they had witnessed his tears.

    "Hi" Annie whispered back, taking one of Kevin's hands in hers as he stood up. "This is Nick," She said as she looked over at him, squeezing Kevin's hand lightly.  "Nick....Kevin."  Kevin extended his free hand to shake Nick's.  Nick only nodded his hello, not wanting to make the awkward situation worse by saying the wrong thing.

    "Brooke told me a lot about you."  Kevin kind of chuckled, remembering her frustrated tone when she told him about her first meetings with Nick.  "She was real grateful for everything you did.  Writing her that letter and all, she thanks you for her Annie back."  He said setting his hand briefly on the side of Annie's face, Nick only nodded, his own urge to cry only suppressed by the tight clench of his jaw.  He took Annie's hand back in his own and held on tight as Kevin turned back to Brooke.

    "I keep watching her.  Waiting for her chest to rise or something.  She looks alive, so perfect, just like she's sleeping, ya know like all the fairy tales ........... but then I touch her." He said running his hand down her face.  "And she's cold, not soft and warm at all, and I know she won't wake up."

    He sat stone faced looking down at her.  Eyes shut, hair lying neatly along the sides of her face.  Kevin was right.  She did look like she was sleeping.  Kevin reached down and picked up her hand, caressing it like he never wanted to let go, and Annie knew he didn't.  His eyes closed for a brief moment as a tear slid down his cheek, but he stifled it before anymore could follow, turning back to Annie and Nick who were silent.  He shared a saddened glance with Annie as he set Brooke's hand back into position at her side. His eyes roamed towards Annie and Nick clasped hands as he turned around, his eyes catching the sparkle on her left hand, something he had missed before.  He looked up with a small glimmer of contentment in his eyes.

    "Are you getting married?"

    "Yeah we are," she whispered.

    "Did Brooke know?" he wondered.  A cloud of sadness covered her eyes and she quickly darted them to the ground.

    "I never had the chance to tell her." She said quietly.  Kevin was silent for a moment, shaking his head at the absolute lack of fairness that was involved in everything around him.

    "That's funny." He suddenly blurted out, but before they could ask him what was funny he continued.  "I was gonna propose to her that night."  Annie flinched like someone had punched her in the stomach, Nick felt the tug and rubbed her hand for comfort, comfort she didn't take.

    Kevin turned back around to look at Brooke and sighed loudly.  He reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a little box.

    "Even had a ring and everything." His tone had turned resentful towards the world as he opened the box and held the ring that was inside towards Annie.  She took it from his hand and looked at the ring in her grasp.  Oh god Brooke would have loved this.  She thought to herself as she turned the ring over and read the engraving that was written on the inside of the silver band.  Annie's eyes welled up and her lip started to tremble as she read the words 'Eternal Love'.  Before anyone could notice she shook it off and thrust the ring back towards Kevin.  He held it between his thumb and index finger, looking down at it and letting the sun catch light on it's surface.

    "Do you think she would have liked it?" He said with the vulnerability of a small child.

    "Oh yeah, "Annie said as she crouched down at his side, placing her hand on his arm.  Nick backed away from the two of them, leaving the room and allowing them a private moment.  "She would have loved it."

    "Do you think she would have said yes?"  He blurted out, tears exploding from his eyes.  Annie hugged him tightly as she whispered into his ear.  "Kevin, she was yours the second she saw you, of course she would have said yes."  Kevin leaned back from the hug and smiled at her.  "You were Brooke's heart Kevin.  She loved you so much, and you made her so happy.  Thank you for that."

Kevin turned back to Brooke, and Annie turned to leave, letting him have his time alone.

    Kevin sat silent for awhile, finally unhooking  the thin silver chain he was wearing on his neck and threading the ring he still held in his hand onto it.    He leaned down towards Brooke and clasped the chain around her neck, his hands shaking and still holding onto the ring.  He gave one last lingering kiss to her lips, his tears falling on Brooke cheeks.

    "The stars can only get brighter now that you're closer to them." He said in a whisper only loud enough for her ears. "I will never stop loving you Brooklyn ............ Goodbye." He gave one last kiss before setting the ring down on her chest and standing up.  He wiped the moisture from his cheeks, but his eyes were still red and full of tears.   Annie and Nick watched him walk down the aisle towards them, his hands plunged deep into the pockets of the black suit he wore.   He gave them both a forced smile as he neared them, trying to hide the anguish that was plastered all over his face.

    "I'll see you in a little bit okay." he said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, walking slowly out of the room, giving Nick a nodding goodbye.

    "Will you wait for me out there.  I'll be back in a few minutes I have something I need to do." Annie told Nick.  He gave her  a light kiss on the lips and left the room, making sure the doors were shut behind himself.  Annie returned with impending sadness to the front of the room, Kneeling down where Kevin had and closing her eyes tightly.  Annie’s heart pounded so loud she thought God might have heard her.  Her hands were shaking as she opened her eyes and  stared at her best friend.  Or rather, what was left of her.  Annie drew in a deep breath and fought back tears that were on the verge of spilling over onto her cheeks.

    “Brookey,” she whispered as she placed a hand on her best friend’s arm.  It was so quiet in the church.  No noise.  No tremble.  The silence enveloped Annie as she watched Brooke’s body.  She was also  watching to see if Brooke would breathe at any second, like kevin had been doing, but after a few moments, she realized that was only a hollow wish.  Annie looked around the room to make sure that no one was coming in.

“I have something I need to run by you Brooke,” she said.  Annie pulled out a piece of paper from her purse.  “I’ll run by what I was going to say about you at the funeral,” she said as a wave of sadness washed across her face. She’s not going to answer you back, Annie thought.  She shook her head and opened up the piece of paper.  Annie coughed a little and began.

   “Brooke was my best friend.  Plain and simple.  There has not been a day in the last four years where my thoughts have not been with her.  We met at Camp Wyatt, and instantly it was friendship.  I never had to say anything to her because she always knew exactly what I was feeling.  She could read my mind better than anyone.  I’m not sure if that scared me or if I thought it was amazing as to how in tune we were with each other,” Annie said as she smiled.  She looked at Brooke lying in her casket and continued on.

    “We wrote back and forth to each other for four years and tried to visit as much as possible.  Let me be the first to say that getting a letter from Brooke always made my day or even my week sometimes.  Even though we were so far apart, reading her letters always felt like I was right there with her.  Some of the letters were funny, some of them were just ramblings about what went on during our days, but to me, it didn’t matter.  They could have been just random words on a page and because they came from Brooke, I would have saved every last one of them.  Brooke taught me so much about who I could be as a person.  When I met her, I was a fairly shy girl, but I had a wild streak in me.  She told me I had the mouth of a sailor,” Annie said.  She laughed at the memory and continued on.

    “Brooke and I went through a lot in our years of friendship.  We shared a lot of happy times, and we shared a lot of sad times.  More recently, our letters were filled with our hopes and dreams and thoughts of the future.  Whatever I wanted to do, I knew that Brooke would have been there to support me.  I never got to tell her my most recent big news.  I’m getting married to the most wonderful man I’ve ever met.  If it wasn’t for Brooke, it might never have happened,” Annie choked.  She could feel tears rising and she blinked quickly.  She looked back at Brooke and then folded her paper up and put it back in her purse.

    “How formal, huh?” she said.  Annie walked over to Brooke and looked at her lying there.

    “Brookey,” she whispered.  She took a deep breath in and looked at her surroundings.  “It’s not supposed to be this way. The next time we were supposed to see each other, it wasn’t supposed to be like this Brookey.  You were supposed to be standing by my side at my wedding.  I was gonna do the same for you,” Annie said as tears streamed down her face.  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do Brooke.  Life without my best friend, is that even really fair?”  Annie looked at Brooke and took her hand in hers.  “If you could just sit up and tell me to get over myself, I’d be so happy.  But, I know you can’t, and I know you won’t,” she said somberly.  Annie blinked as tears rolled down her cheeks and onto Brooke’s hand.  Annie wiped them off. “Sorry,” she whispered.

    “Brookey, you will always be my best friend.  No one will ever take your place.  I want you to know that.  If I ever find someone like you, please don’t ever think I’d be trying to replace you,” Annie said as her voice began to waver.  Annie looked at her own engagement ring.

     “I’m so thankful I have Nick.  And, I’m so thankful to have had you in my life,” she said.  Annie looked over at the ring Kevin had placed on her neck.  “You know, Kevin, he’s having a hard time right now.  I’ll do my best to see that he’s okay, but Brookey, watch out for him, please,” Annie said, her voice almost pleading.  She took in a sharp breath.  “Don’t worry about me.  It’s gonna be hard, but I’m gonna be okay.  I’ve got Nick and I’ve got so many memories of you and me.  Just don’t forget about me up there, okay?” she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.  Annie bent down close to Brooke’s face.

    “I could never forget about you Brooke,” she whispered.  Annie took Brooke’s hand and squeezed it.  “Best friends forever Brooke.  You’ll always be with me.   I love you so much.  Take care of all of us up there,” Annie said through her tears.  Annie bent down and kissed Brooke’s forehead.  “Goodbye Brookey,” she whispered as she walked away from the casket.