“Annabelle, you know, you could be a little more appreciative of what your sister gave you…” droned Annie’s mom.  Annie was really getting tired of this.  It was Christmas Eve, and the family usually opened one gift from each other and saved the rest for the next morning.  Annie had opened a present from her sister, Shawna, and her expression was not what they had all hoped for.  It was a picture of Annie, Shawna, Paul and Shawna’s fiancee, Chris.  It was the last time Annie had remembered smiling with Paul.  Her reaction when she opened the picture was to just start crying.  Annie didn’t know what else to do.  And, her mother would not let up on her.  No matter how much Annie had apologized to Shawna, her mother just wouldn’t let up on her.

    “You know, you and Paul were so good together.  You were so happy with him Annabelle,” she would pound into Annie’s head.  She hated it when her mother called her Annabelle.

    “Why did you have to break up with Paul, Annabelle?  He was going places in his life and he would have taken you with him,” her mother said.

    “Mom, I don’t wanna talk about this,” Annie snapped.

    “Annabelle, you never want to talk about this.  It’s always ‘Let’s just change the subject,’ or ‘Let’s drop the subject of Paul,’ and frankly, I think you made a huge mistake breaking up with Paul.  He certainly was the best thing to happen in your life,” Annie’s mother shot back sharply.  Annie flinched when she said that; it physically made her hurt.  Annie’s heart felt heavy and tears just rolled down her cheeks.  There was nothing she could do to stop it.

    “Annabelle, why are you crying?  Is that all you do these days is cry?  Jesus, get over it,” her mother snapped. Annie closed her eyes, sighed a deep sigh and said,

    “I’m going to my room.”  She turned her back away from her mother and she felt a hand on her arm.

    “Sweetie, I know, it’s okay,” said her sister, Shawna.  She tried to hug Annie, but Annie just pulled away from her and walked to her room, slamming the door.  Annie stood inside her bedroom and sobbed.  Her chest heaved up and down heavily and she just sobbed.  I wish Brookey were here she thought.  She’d give me a hug, she’d tell me it was going to be okay.  I need Brooke here, she thought as she sobbed.  I wish Nick was here too, Annie thought.  She’d really missed him.  He’d make me laugh and then he’d pull me into one of his big bear hugs, and I’d know it’d be okay then.  Annie sobbed some more.  I wish I was anywhere but here.  Damn, I’d love to go back to my dorm room.  I’d love to have Taylor yapping in my ear right now.  I’d love to be with people who cared about me.  Just as she thought that thought, the phone rang.

     “Hello,” said Annie.

    “Hello, may I speak to Annie please?” asked the voice on the other side.

    “Yeah, this is Annie,” she said.

    “Hey Annie, it’s Nick! How are you?  Merry Christmas!” exclaimed Nick excitedly. Annie smiled,

    “Hey Carter!” She let out a sigh.

    “Hey, Annie, are you okay?  You sound kinda down.  How’s the family gathering?” asked Nick, concerned as usual.  Annie’s lip started to tremble, but she mustered out,

    “Oh, it’s going okay.  You know how family is.”  Hot tears rolled down her cheeks.

    “Annie, c’mon, are you okay?  You know, I miss you a lot.  No one laughs at my dumbass jokes here. And, my little brother is such a dork,” Nick said heartily.  Annie laughed a little; she coughed and said,

    “Did you get my present?”

    “Oh yeah,  that’s why I called! I wanted to thank you.  I know it’s been a week, but I’ve been so busy.  I really loved it!  I’ve been using the pencils and the coal is definitely going to come in handy!” said Nick.  He loved to draw and no one had ever bought him things to draw with.

    “Well, I knew you’d like them, and I expect a stunning portrait of myself Mr. Carter!” Annie stated matter-of-factly.

    “Ooooh, a la Titanic?” Nick asked jokingly.

    “Hey, pervert,” Annie laughed.  She smiled.  Annie hadn’t smiled since she’d gotten home from school.  She always smiled with Nick; it was nice to have someone, a guy no less, make her smile and laugh.  The only other person who could make her smile and laugh was Brooke.  Annie was always smiling and joking when Brooke was around.  She really wanted to spend Christmas with Brooke, and she wanted to find out about this situation with Kevin, but that was a whole other issue.  Nick and Annie kept talking and talking, catching up.  It had actually only been a week, but it had felt like forever to both of them.

    “Oh shit Nick! We’ve been on the phone for over an hour!” exclaimed Annie.

    “No way!” said Nick surprised.  Time had totally flown for both of them.

    “Annie, I’d better go.  Looks like dinner is being put on the table, and I haven’t helped at all,” said Nick.  His tone sounded a little sad.  Annie sighed,

    “Yeah, I guess I’d better go too,” she said as tears welled up in her eyes.  Great, she thought, I don’t know how much more of my mom I can take.  They both said their goodbyes and hung up the phone.  Annie was crying again.  She was ripped from her thoughts with the shrill sound of her mother’s voice calling out,

    “DINNNERRR!”
 

“Mom, if you would just leave it alone! Please, just drop the subject, it’s Christmas Day!!!” yelled Annie.  Her mother was harping on her again.

    “You know Annabelle, this tired act is getting really old.  I really liked Paul, and now he’s gone and with no explanation from you!” her mother yelled.

    “Mom, JUST DROP IT! You have no right to butt into my personal life!  Things with me and Paul are over, FOR GOOD!” Annie screamed.  Tears were streaming down her face now.

    “Annabelle, please!” her mother scoffed.  Annie went to turn her back to walk up to her room when her mother said,

    “Oh, just turn and run away.  That’s all you ever do.  Never stay and face anything.  Annabelle, I deserve an explanation about Paul.  You always avoid it.  I know you need to tell me something!” her mother yelled.  Annie just looked at her mother.  She felt nothing but emptiness inside.

    “Mom, you are the last of all people to deserve an explanation.  You need an explanation Mom?” she asked.  Tears streaming down her face, falling onto her sweater.

    “Well, I need one too.  I’d like to know exactly what happened in this relationship as well.  You are the least likely to get an explanation because you don’t deserve anything, especially from me!” Annie said.  She was fairly calm, except for her tears.

    “Annabelle, where do you get off talking to me like this?” her mother yelled.

    “Mom, leave me the hell alone.  You won’t get an explanation from me.  I don’t have one.  And, if I did have one, you certainly wouldn’t get the one you wanted to hear,” said Annie.  Annie turned her back and walked to her room.
 

        Just as Annie got back to her room, the phone rang.  Annie lunged at the phone.  She thought it might be Brooke or something.

    “Hello?” she asked.

    “Hey Annie!  Merry Christmas!” said Nick!  Annie smiled.

    “Hey Carter! I just talked to you last night,” said Annie.  She was crying, but wasn’t about to let Nick know it.

    “Yeah, yeah, yeah, but well, I missed you! So sue me!”  Annie’s lips were trembling.

    “So, Annie, how are you?  Havin’ a good Christmas?”  Annie didn’t answer.  She was trying to fight back tears and she knew if she opened her mouth, tears and incoherent words would come spilling out.

    “Annie, are you okay?” asked Nick.  Annie mumbled a yes, but it wasn’t convincing.

    “What’s wrong?  Are you okay?”  Annie just sighed.

    “Is it your family?” Annie remained silent.  Tears were streaming down her face.  She wanted nothing more than to tell Nick everything that had just happened.  She wanted him to come and carry her away and make her laugh.  She wanted him to tell her everything was going to be okay.  But, she wouldn’t say anything.

    “Annie, talk to me.  What’s going on?” Nick said sternly.  She still wouldn’t speak.

    “Can you talk right now?” Annie mumbled another yes.

    “Do you need me?”

This made Annie sob.  She needed him so badly.  Brooke couldn’t be there, but Nick could.  She needed him so badly that it was hurting her.  She tried to say yes, but nothing but sobs came out.  Suddenly, Nick’s end of the phone line went dead and all Annie heard was a dial-tone.  Annie just stood with the receiver on her ear and sobbed as she hung up the phone, put her head in her hands and sat down on the edge of her bed.  There was nothing else to do but cry.
 

        It was Christmas Eve, Brooke sat in front of her small Charlie Brown Christmas tree, carefully shaking the package she had received from Annie.   David was visiting his sister and her husband then he was coming to spend the night with her.  She could have gone to New York to see her parents, but she didn't really want to, she just ended up getting bored and coming home early anyway.  Brooke set down the box and opened the letter that was taped to the front of the package, quickly reading her short note. Why does that girl go home to her parents?  They treat her like shit, if they only knew a quarter of what Paul had done to her they'd probably hunt the bastard down and kill him, she thought.

    "If I ever saw him I know I'd kill the prick." Brooke said to herself, so protective of Annie and her fragile state of mind.

    "God I hope to death this new guy in her life is nice, and helps her."  If he's another Paul it'll kill her, she's already on the edge, that'll just be her final push. She thought worriedly. Immediately breaking out a pen and paper to write her a letter.

Anns,

I know I didn't send a letter with my gift, sorry!  I have a lot on my mind, too much actually, it's Christmas eve and I'm sitting here shaking your present holding myself back from opening it.  First I have to tell you what happened, I'm not proud of myself, but here it goes.  Basically I got drunk at a party and David was being a dickhead, as in he asked me, in a room full of people, why I was being a slut!  I just about ripped his balls out through his jeans!  and I'm not kidding!  Well anyway, then he confronts me about being cold to him lately and I freak out and insult his manhood.  (You'd have been proud, it was a cheap shot, but a good one!)
Well I was trashed beyond belief when this happened........but it really wasn't my fault........I  was double dog dared to drink Mark shot for shot............and I won......you know I can't back down from a dare, I love to win!  (I don't need a lecture.....I gave myself a few already!)
After I hit David below the belt.....I took off and ended up practically passed out in the snow......someone eventually helped me back in......and well I blacked out.  I woke up in the bathroom.
The short version, Kevin was the one who helped me, he came back from Florida, and from what he told me when he came to get his coat we said stuff to each other, and he's really hurt I don't remember.  I'm been racking my brain for days trying to remember what I said, or what he said.  Or what we did.  Oh god Anns, what if I kissed him again?  Or worse?   So yes, to answer your question HELL YEAH I still have the David/Kevin problem.......I thought it would be better after he left town, but it's worse than ever now.  So much worse.....

Okay, now I have to say some things to you.   What is Nick?  I mean, define your status with him, cause I get the mixed friends/more than friends feeling...but you've never told me!  And Annie, I told you last year to come visit me for Christmas, you get nothing but depressed when you go home. Either come here, or TELL THEM, tell them what that bastard did to you, make them see he isn't Mr. Perfect all american blond guy they see.  Tell them he's more like OJ fucking Simpson, or some other piece of shit man who got away with a heinous crime!

God Annie, you have to tell them something!  Please for the sake of your own sanity, you need that kind of closure.

Hope your Christmas was good!
 Love Ya Brooke xox

        Brooke sealed her letter and tucked it in the drawer next to her bed.  She returned to the living room, flicking on the television and sitting down to watch 'It's a wonderful Life', the only thing that was on, although she didn't mind, it was one of her favorites.  She still racked her brain everyday for the missing conversation that had taken place between her and Kevin last week, still with no results.  It was frustrating her more and more, and the more she tried to remember the harder it got.
 

    She and David woke up late Christmas morning, unwrapping presents like children giggling and laughing  as they threw crumpled wrapping paper at each  other.  As they finished up the presents, David reached far at the back of the small tree pulling out an unmarked gift.

    "Who's this for?"  He asked giving it a shake  to his ear.  Brooke's eyes opened wide as she remembered that small package she had tucked back there a week ago.

    "Just someone at work.  I have to deliver it later."  She said, David nodding and setting it back down.  David proclaimed he had to go visit his parents, inviting Brooke to come with im, but she declined, knowing she didn't get along with his parents and always got into a fight with david over it.  She could tell he was irritated, but told him she had a few things to do.  He finally agreed when she told him she didn't want to fight with his family and ruin christmas for everyone.

    "Okay but don't forget you owe me one for this."  He said, Brooke turning sharply to face him.

    "What?"  She questioned.  David was confused, but repeated slowly.

    "You owe me one?!"  He said hesitantly.

    "No before that."

    "Don't Forget?"  he said unsure.  Brooke looked up muttering a silent 'okay' as he picked up his coat and left her apartment.  She sat down on her couch, a flood of memories returning to her as David's comments suddenly made her remember what had happened with Kevin that night, tears dropping from her cheeks.
 
 

        They entered the bathroom at Crawford's house and Kevin locked the door behind them, she was like a limp doll in his arms and he carefully sat her down on the floor, his coat still wrapped around her shoulders.   She was sobbing uncontrollably and he knelt down next to her, wiping the tears from her face.

    "What's wrong?" he asked, his hand resting on her cheek, full of such concern for her.

    "You saw what happened?  You heard what was said didn't you?"

    "It was hard to miss."  he smiled, that precious smile that just seemed to twinkle.

    "Then you know things between David and I haven't been good since..." She paused, not wanting to finish.

    "Since the party." He knowingly said, sitting down next to her, their backs pressed against the white bathtub.    She looked down, he could tell she was ridden with guilt and it was eating her up inside, it was killing him too.  How can I feel so much for her?

    "You came to me."  She said suddenly. crying into her hands.

    "What?" He asked, unsure of what she had mumbled.

    "I took off from that party and just sat out there in the snow, and you came to get me, not David."   Kevin nodded.

    "Why didn't David come get me?" She asked the tears pouring from her eyes, her emotions so jumbled and confused.

    "I don't know."

    "Okay then answer me this."  She said turning to him.  "Why did you come find me?  What compelled you to leave the party and search for a drunken slut in the snow?"  Kevin put his hand on top of hers,

    "Brooke, you are not a slut, David was just trying to hurt you."

    "Would you do that to me?"

    "No." Kevin said, barely above a whisper, his hand rubbing up and down  her arm.  She was shivering from the chill she got outside, her clothes still wet.

    "Brooke, I have to take you home, you're wet cold and drunk, you shouldn't be here."

    "You can't, I don't know what I'd do if I was alone with you."

    "We're alone right now."  Kevin sat facing her, oblivious to the loud beat of the music resonating on the floor beneath them.  Wanting to hold her close, to warm her body from the chill, and pissed at David who has someone so wonderful and didn't appreciate her the way he could.  The way he so desperately wanted to.

    "And David, my fiancee,  is downstairs."   She eventually stated bitterly, the flash of pain in his eyes seemingly quite obvious to Brooke.

    "I don't know how you do this to me, why do I keep wanting you when you keep pushing me away?"  He looked at her, carefully trying to read her expressions.  She looked stunned,

    "Why do I push you away?" She said aloud.  "I don't know why. "  She started crying again, suddenly leaping from the floor to the toilet, sickness overtaking her.  He moved to sit next to her, stroking her forehead, and holding her hair back, not the least bit disgusted.
 

        She finally turned around and laid on the floor, Kevin resting his head next to hers so they stare at each other on the floor.  Their faces we're only inches apart, and aware she had just puked Brooke reached into her pocket and pulled out gum, popping a piece in her mouth and just laying quiet as Kevin rubbed the side of her face with his thumb.

    "Why didn't you write me back?" He asked,

    "I couldn't."  She said coherently, but the liquor still making her talk freely.

    "Why not?" Kevin moved even closer, pulling his coat from the floor and over her shoulders.

    "I tried Kevin, I really did, but what good would it have done?  I still can't be with you."

    "It killed me you didn't write me back."  he stated.

    "Why do you have to be so wonderful?" She said out of nowhere, bringing her hand to his face and tracing along it lightly with her finger.  Her fingers circled his lips, such a light touch on his skin, so gentle and soft.  He wanted to kiss her, to feel her lips on his once again, but instead just held onto her hand that was resting on his chest.

    "Why does this have to be so complicated?" he replied, pulling her against him so she lay in his arms, her head resting on his arm.  She turned to look at him, her eyes slowly losing their blood shot color.  Every aspect of being with her felt so right.

    "You never answered me."  Brooke said.

    "Answer what?" He wondered, stroking her hair lightly.

    "Why did you come find me?"

    "Because I had to Brooklyn."  he whispered into her ear.

    "Why?"

    "I just did."

    "That's not a reason,  Kevin tell me, I have to know.  Why did you have to?"  She was practically yelling at him, sitting up on her knees as he did to face him, his coat falling from her shoulders onto the floor.

    "Why?"  She begged.  Kevin sighed, closing his eyes a moment to compose himself and clearing his throat.  He took her by the hands, looking so deeply into her eyes he swore he could hear her thoughts.

    "I dream about you every night ya know." he said, every ounce of emotion he had surfacing.  He could see she was about to say something, but put a finger to her lips, hushing her.

    "I dream about your dark hair and the way it smells like vanilla."  He ran a hand through the the straight brown hair he spoke about, pulling it's strands to his nose and inhaling it's scent.

    "Your blue eyes that mesmerize me with every look you give to me, the way your lips felt on mine as we kissed and the way I wanted that kiss with you to last forever."  He leaned forward and gently brushed her lips with his, entwining his fingers in hers and bringing them up to his face.

    "I dream about the soft touch of your hand on mine, but most of all I dream of dancing and laughing with you forever.  I can't believe I'm saying this out loud to you, you'll probably forget by tomorrow anyway." he shrugged glancing away from her for a moment.  "but you wanted to know why I had to find you and comfort you and help you?"  She nodded, he could see the brim of tears that were in her eyes.

    "I had to find you because I am falling totally in love with you and I'm never going to give up on being with you.  We're meant to be together Brooklyn, I don't know how I know, but I feel it in my heart.  I promise I'll never give up."  A torrent of tears escaped her eyes, and she leaned into him, hugging Kevin tight.

    "Kevin I have to think about this, I need to be alone and I just really have to think."  He nodded, his own tears brimming his eyes as he stood up to leave kissing her on the forehead and walking to the door.

    "Kevin wait!" She yelled.  He turned around quickly as she continued.

    "About what you said ... I'll never forget."

She gave him a sad smile as he nodded walking out of the room and leaving her with her thoughts.  Kevin closed the door and leaned his head back against it, a million thoughts running through his head, each one of them hoping things would work out between him and Brooke.