AJ awoke with a heavy head and a heavy heart to match. He hadn't forgotten that Jenna had finally called him, and even in his dreams he hunted for the right words to make her come back.
He walked out of his room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and glancing momentarily into the room Kayla was sleeping in. He knew she'd sleep until at least two in the afternoon, but he wished she were awake. Even though she didn't know the details of his tumultuous relationship with Jenna, (she didn't even know her name) he still wanted to talk to someone about it. Kayla was the only person he really honestly trusted, the only friend he could truly say was real.
There were a thousand and one things he wanted to tell Kayla about Jenna and how he really felt, about what he'd done, and how he'd acted but he couldn't. She wouldn't understand, she'd never been in love as deeply as he was in love with Jenna.
AJ turned from her sleeping figure, blanketed in the darkness of the room, and made his way downstairs to the phone. He played Jenna's message continually for half an hour, listening to her voice, listening to her say she wanted him in her life. But also reminding himself that she had also said she couldn't go back to what they used to have. He wanted to call her back, he wanted to try and get her back, but at the same time he knew it was almost futile. He had spent months and months and months trying to get her back, and the only thing he'd managed to do was drive her even further away.
But still, the same feelings remained and he missed her like crazy, even though she'd barely been gone three weeks. He just didn't know how to handle things himself anymore. His mind was far too clouded.
AJ walked back up the stairs and down the long hallway that led to Kayla's open door. She was still sleeping. He contemplated waking her up, but backed off, knowing her wrath was fierce. Still, he hovered in her doorway. It was better than torturing himself with the message on the answering machine.
"AJ what do you want?" She asked with a groan, turning over in the bed to face him.
"Nothing." He muttered, leaning against the door frame.
"Than why are you standing there sighing every two seconds."
"No reason."
"Just spit it out already, I have a bad enough headache as it is." Kayla mumbled, her face in her pillow.
"Can I cuddle?" AJ pouted.
"Get in." She sighed, pulling the covers up for him to crawl inside with her. AJ smiled and quickly scampered under the covers, curling up next to her, the warmth under the covers felt good.
"What's wrong?" Kayla asked lying face to face with him.
"Why does anything have to be wrong?"
"Because you only want to cuddle when you're upset and need to talk."
"Or when I'm horny!" He laughed as she pushed him away. "Maybe I just miss your cuddles."
They both lay quietly in the darkness of the room, Kayla's eyes closing slowly as he watched.
"I miss her Kay. I miss seeing her and talking to her, and touching her." He began out of nowhere, Kayla's eyes opening again. "I can't stand the thought of her with someone else."
"So why did it end."
"She doesn't feel the same way I do. I mean, I know she loved me, she told me she did, and I just don't understand why we can't make things work. I don't understand how she can't feel the same way."
"How do you feel?" Kayla asked.
AJ just let out a deep sigh, "I love her more than I've ever loved anything in my life. And you know me Kay, you know how I am, and that I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it. I love her so damned much I've sacrificed a lot just to prove it, and so far it hasn't done me an ounce of good."
"So what happened?"
"I met her a long time ago, and things started off so perfect, we were perfect, but then I went and fucked everything up. But finally I thought I'd fixed everything. I thought things could go back to normal again, that we could have back what we had in the beginning. That we could be in love again. For awhile I thought it had, I was happy and I thought she was too. Then one day out of nowhere she tells me she can't do it anymore and she leaves. She packed up her stuff and she left, and I just let her go." AJ explained. "For almost three weeks I don't hear anything from her at all, than when we got back last night there was a message from her on my machine, and I just don't have a clue what I should do. Should I call her back and try again to get back our relationship and risk getting hurt even more, or should I just cut my losses now and move on?"
"What do you honestly feel you should do?"
"I don't want to be lonely anymore Kay. I just don't think I can take it. But at the same time I couldn't handle another rejection from her, it would kill me."
"I don't know Alex. She obviously left for a reason, but if you think both of you can get past that reason, then by all means try it. I mean she called didn't she? So she's at least semi-interested, right?" Kayla said with sincerity.
"Yeah, but what if she's just interested in being friends? I don't want her as a friend, I'm already her friend."
"Wouldn't you rather know though."
"Not really." He sighed, both of them growing quiet, Kayla's eyes fluttering shut. "So enough about me. Tell me what's going on with you job?"
"God, AJ I don't want to talk about it now." She said opening her eyes again.
"I just spilled my heart out to you, give me a little."
"There's not much to say. The company's going through cutbacks and my job gets sacrificed. So in about two months I'm jobless."
"So why do you bother staying. Why don't you leave now and look for something else?"
"Because." She sighed. "If we stay until the end we'll get a bonus, and well I wouldn't want to screw my boss over, it isn't his fault my job got cut and he needs me there."
"So what are you gonna do in two months?"
"I don't have a clue. I was lucky to get that job, I doubt I'll ever find another like it."
"There's always McDonalds!" He smirked.
"Fuck you." Kayla spat.
"Gladly."
"Get out of my bed and let me go back to sleep." She said shoving him so hard he fell to the floor.
"Ouch." He muttered, rubbing his side as he stood up. "What kind of cuddle is that?"
"That's an 'I'm hung over, let me sleep' cuddle." She smiled.
"Fine." He conceded, leaning down to give her a kiss on the forehead. "Thanks for the advice."
"You're welcome, now shut the door and go call her. You know you want to."
"Have a good sleep bitch!"
"Have a good phone call jerk." AJ laughed as he shut the door, a smile staying on his face as he walked down the stairs. A new renewal in faith about his relationship with Jenna.
Kayla's right, she wouldn't have called if she didn't want to talk. Maybe I should just call her. Who's it gonna hurt? AJ thought as he walked down the stairs in search of a phone.