"Bye baby, I'll miss you ." AJ said, giving Kayla a long tight hug. "Give me a call when you get there okay!" He felt like he was saying good bye to his best friend forever, and was reluctant to let her go.
"Love you." She waved as her packed car drove past him and down the driveway. He waved back, dreading living in the house with only his past to haunt him. He went inside when he couldn't see her car anymore, wishing he'd done more to convince her to stay. AJ went to his kitchen, looking around for something to eat or drink, wishing he had somewhere to be, or something to do. He opted for a beeras he had been doing far too much lately, and stepped out on to his patio to drink it, staring across the pool towards nothing in particular. It wasn't long before he could hear his gate buzzer ringing. His mouth widened into a smile when the thought crossed his mind that Kayla may have forgotten something. He had just changed the code on his gate, and he knew she wouldn't remember what it was. He raced out to the door, glancing at the monitor of the security camera on the gate, his pace slowing down to a halt, his smile fading to a frown.
"What do you want Nick?" He responded through the intercom at the reason he had changed the code in the first place. He sighed a small relief that Kayla had left before he got here.
"Can I come up?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, fine." AJ sighed hesitantly, buzzing open the gate, and returning to the patio as Nick entered his house. It wasn't until after he had sat down that he realized Nick hadn't followed him. He got up again, and went upstairs where he could hear Nick opening doors. When he got upstairs, Nick stood in the doorway of the room that had once been Kayla's, like he knew it was hers. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He knew the look that was on Nick's face, it was utter and complete dejection. "She's not here Nick." He finally said.
"Where is she?" Nick sighed as he entered the hallway. AJ couldn't look him in the face, and turned back towards the stairs, making his way back to the beer as he informed Nick he didn't know where Kayla was since she wasn't living with him anymore.
"She said she needed to get away from here." AJ told him when he continued to question him.
"Why?" He asked again, like the incessant questioning of a child.
"Oh, I don't know...her life's been pretty shitty lately, maybe that had something to do with it. So, why do you want to find her?" He suddenly wondered.
"I need to talk to her." He wondered what they had to talk about. Something told him it wasn't for an apology, and he was getting more and more uncomfortable with the whole situation. He just wanted to get Nick out of his house so he could figure out what was going on.
"You know Kayla isn't the forgiving type Nick. Why waste your time looking for her?"
"Because it isn't a waste of time. Kayla isn't a waste of my time."
"Too bad
you didn't realize that sooner huh!?" His biting comment finally
worked, and Nick, without another word, left. AJ sighed with relief
as the front door shut closed, throwing his empty beer bottle across the
water of his pool. He wasn't going to sit here any more and let everything
he'd done swirl around him, he had to go back to where this all began,
with Jenna. He needed to talk to her, no matter what the consequences.
AJ drove around all day looking for Jenna, her house, Nick's house, her workplace, and any little hideout he could imagine that she might be, to no avail, he couldn't find her anywhere. It's for the best anyway, he thought, who knows what I would have said or done. As AJ drove home, finally giving up on the search for the night, his cell phone rang loudly on the car seat next to him, he knew it was Kayla, even before she said hi.
"You can't be there already?" He said looking down at the clock in his car to see what time of night it was.
"No, I got too tired, I pulled into some cheap motel."
"Where are you?" AJ asked, wondering if he should tell her that Nick had been here looking for her.
"I'm not sure, somewhere in Mississippi I think." Kayla said with a yawn.
"Kayla, he's looking for you." He muttered. He could hear the sadness in her voice as she questioned why. "I don't know, he wouldn't say. All he told me was that he had to talk to you. But don't worry...I won't tell him where you are."
"AJ, I don't care if he knows where I am. He doesn't matter to me anymore." He knew she was lying, he could hear it in her voice, in her heart.
"So you want me to tell him where you are?"
"I didn't say that." She sighed.
"So how much longer do you have to drive?" He asked her, knowing she wished he would just change subjects.
"I'm not sure, like eight hours maybe." AJ heard the beep in his phone from a caller on the other line, he looked down to the phone and saw it was Nick. For some reason he wanted to hear what Nick had to say this time. Maybe it wasn't Nick at all, he suddenly thought, maybe it's Jenna calling from Nick's.
"Well, get some sleep and call me when you get there okay." He blurted out, not that he wanted to hang up with her, but he wanted to talk to whoever was on the other line.
"Thanks AJ."
"No prob., bye." He clicked to the other line as soon as she hung up. "Hello?"
"AJ where is she?" It was Nick.
"Nick?"
"AJ please. I know you know where she is, why won't you just tell me?" He begged. AJ could hear the desperation in his voice, and part of him wanted to tell him exactly where Kayla was, but he knew better.
"Nick, let me ask you this. Do you think Kayla wants to see you?" AJ waited for a response, but got nothing. "Well then think of it this way, put yourself in her shoes and imagine how it probably felt to be her when you told her you were going back to Jenna. Now think of how she'll react to whatever it is you're planning on saying to her. The least you could do is put her feelings first, and we both know that the only feeling she has for you right now is hatred."
"AJ I just want to talk to her, you have to see why I need to." He knew why. It was the same reason he needed to find Jenna, but he couldn't very well ask Nick where she was.
"Your needs don't matter to me Nick, at least over hers. Let it go Nick, let her go. It's the best thing for everyone involved. Enough people have suffered."
"Just tell me where she is, or how I can find her.....please AJ."
"I don't know where she is." He said flatly.
"And I don't believe you."
"Neither would I." AJ sighed, hanging up the phone as he pulled into his driveway, his eyes widening as he saw a familiar car sitting in his driveway. As he shut off his engine and stepped out, so did she. He could tell she had been crying, even in the darkness. She was bathed in the glow of the moon shining from up above, reflecting off the car and onto her face.
"Jenna, what are you doing here?" He asked incredulously. "And how did you get in..."
"I guessed the code." She sniffed before he could finish. "It was my birthday right?"
"Yeah." He shrugged, still keeping his distance from her. It was strange to feel so mis-trustful of her, but at the same time wish he was touching her. "So, are you here to sleep with me and leave again?" He asked.
"Al, that's not fair."
"Fuck fair Jenny. Fair isn't thinking that you loved me, and then seeing you run off to Nick, fair isn't feeling this way about you and not being able to do anything about it. Nothing in this world is fair!" He screamed.
"No, you know what isn't fair Alex?" She yelled back. "Being told that someone is single, and then finding out after you've broken up their relationship that those two people were in love. That's not fair."
She had taken him by surprise with her declaration, and he had no idea how he should react to such a statement. "What do you mean?" He finally stammered.
"Before I came back, I mean before Nick and I got back together this time, you told me he wasn't seeing anyone." Jenna started to cry, but stepped backwards when he came closer to her. "But he was, and I don't mean just casually seeing someone, I mean in love with someone."
"Jen." AJ said, taking another step towards her.
"Don't. This is your fault. Why did you tell me that?" She cried.
"I didn't know. I mean you know how Nick is he's-"
"Bullshit Alex!" She said, shoving him in the chest.
"Jenny, just come inside with me, and we can talk." He said, taking her by the arm and ushering her towards his door. She didn't argue. She sat down at his kitchen table, her hands were wrenched together, her eyes bloodshot from her tears. He brought her a glass of water, and poured one for himself, his mind trying to figure out if he should just tell her the truth, or not. Finally he sat down across from her. Her tears had stopped, but she wouldn't look him in the face.
"Al, did you know Nick and Kara were together or not?" She asked between sips of wine.
"Kayla."
"What?"
"Her name is Kayla, not Kara."
"So you did know her?" She said with a shake of her head.
"Yeah, I know her, but not through Nick." She looked up curiously. "She used to be my old best friend's girlfriend, do you remember Jason?" Jenna nodded in recollection. "After you and I split up, Kayla and I ran into each other, he'd just cheated on her and they had broken up too and we were both feeling really shitty. So we decided to share our feeling shitty. Sure we ended up drunk and making fools of ourselves, but talking with her was almost cathartic, and we never even talked about you or him. We just talked, and laughed and ended up becoming really great friends.
Since then we've always been each others shoulders. Whenever one of us breaks up with someone, or has a big fight or something we usually call one another. Ya know, like a dating sponsor or something. We just get each other's minds off things."
"Did you ever go out with each other?" She asked with a jealous undertone.
"No." He laughed. "She's like my little sister, and she was the only person who could cheer me up after we broke up."
"She seems to have that affect on people." Jenna shot bitterly. Continuing with her questions before AJ could ask her about it. "So did you introduce her to Nick?"
"Not really." AJ sighed, wondering how to phrase it. "Nick was looking for an assistant to keep track of things for him when he was away, and I knew Kayla was looking for a job. It just happened, I don't even think Nick knew that we were friends until recently. And if I knew then what I knew now....well we probably wouldn't be sitting here Jen. I knew Nick was bad at the relationship thing after what he did to you and I warned her to stay clear of him in that way but she never listened. Eventually we stopped talking, I didn't know she and Nick were even together like that. He didn't act like he had a girlfriend. I'm sorry Jenna, I really didn't know until you and Nick got back together and Kayla..." He trailed off.
"And Kayla what?" Jenna pondered.
"Moved in with me."
"She's living here now?" Jenna screeched, standing up from the table, he chair shooting backwards.
"No, she's not!" He said, trying to usher back down. "She's gone to Texas to visit her brother, I don't know where she's going from there."
They both sat quietly, sipping their respective drinks, AJ felt a little of the weight lifted off of him. By no means had he given her the whole truth, but even letting go of a little bit felt good.
"We broke up again." Jenna finally blurted out after what seemed like an eternity of silence.
"I figured something happened. Why else would be here."
"Is that what you think of me now? That I'll only come running to you after I've been rejected?" AJ just shrugged, he couldn't deny the truth of her statement. "It was mutual this time ya know. He's different, I'm different and we both decided it was for the best. Funny huh, after all this time, the cheating, the pain and the hurt, we both realized we weren't right for each other."
"So you didn't break up because of the thing with Kayla?" AJ asked, that was the impression he had gotten.
"No." She said with a nervous chuckle. "After all was said and done he told me about Kayla, and that not only had he loved her at the time, that he was still in love with her."
"Really?" That explained why Nick was so desperate to find her today. "How did you feel about that?"
"Jealous I guess. Even though I know we shouldn't be together, I was jealous that I wasn't loved like that anymore."
AJ scoffed and got up from the table, shaking his head as he walked past her. "What?" Jenna exclaimed.
"You are loved like that Jenny. You have been loved like that for a long time, yet it doesn't ever seem to be enough for you that it is my love."
"I didn't mean to-" She stammered.
"You never mean to Jen, but you always do. You come to me, then run back to him, sleep with me, then run back to him, cry to me, then..."
"I get the point Alex."
"Do you? Because here you are again. Things don't work out with Nick and you're suddenly on my doorstep when I haven't seen or heard from you in how long? Six months at least." he said, leaning back against the refrigerator as she stared at him from the table. "You know how I feel about you, and I told you before that if I couldn't have you completely I didn't want you at all, and all you've ever done is proven to me that I will never ever have you completely. Do you know how much time and effort I have expended on you? Years Jenna. Thinking, breathing, longing, wishing for you, and over and over I keep letting you come back only to see you leave and kill me all over again. There comes a point when it stops being your fault, and it starts being mine for letting you do that to me. I hit that point a long time ago Jen, and one of these days I'm going to realize that you might not be worth all of it."
"I get it Al." She said, standing up from the table. "I'll admit I came here tonight for all the reasons I usually come to you, except for one. There is no more Nick and I. I came back to Florida to see if that part of my life was over, and it is, and you know what? I don't regret these months, because I know now. I know Nick and I wouldn't have worked no matter what, and I'm at peace with that now. I also know that I took everything you've ever offered me for granted, and until just now I didn't realize how hard I made it for you, and I'm truly sorry for that. It was never my intention to make you my second choice." Jenna walked to AJ and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before walking back towards the front door. "I'll make it easy for you, it's my fault this time, you're off the hook. For good."
AJ watched her open the door and walk out, he sucked in a large breath and walked towards the door himself, opening it to see her looking back at him. She stood next to her car, the same solemn look on her face that he imagined was on his own. She looked away from his gaze as she opened her car door.
"Wait, please
don't leave Jen." He yelled to her with equal parts dejection and anticipation
in his voice. He held the door open for her as she came back into
his house, and his life.