| More funny quotes... |
| Meg- Oh my god! I'm going to kill myself! (Peter and Lois stare blankly) Meg- I'm going to go upstairs right now and eat a whole bowl of peanuts! (Peter and Lois stare blankly) Meg- I'm allergic to peanuts! (Peter and Lois stare blankly) Meg- You don't know anything about me! (Runs off crying) Peter- Who was that guy? |
| Young Peter- Now make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. |
| Young Tom- Get used to that sight Diane, guys running away from you. Young Diane- Tom, you're so deep in the closet, you're finding Christmas presents. |
| Meg- Mom, I have to use the bathroom now! Lois- I'm sorry Meg, but your dad has to take his 12 baths a day. He gets filthy rolling around everywhere. Chris- I don't like dad anymore! I invited my friends over to jump on him like a trampoline and Jake got sucked into his fat, and his mom yelled at him later for it. He beat me up at school the next day! It's all in this pamphlet... Lois- We have to learn to cope with your father not having bones, kids. It'll be just like one of those 20/20 stories where one of the family members has an accident and become a huge burden on everyone else... They pretend to be happy... But they're dead, they're dead inside. And that'll be our lives. |
| Stewie- Do I have to wallow about the whole day in my own feces? Somebody bloody change me! |
| (Peter knocks out the whole town's power and the town is mobbing around him and Meg) Peter- Uh... Look! It's Bigfoot! Bigfoot- Hey man, this isn't about me, it's about you. |
| Lois- To be honest, I half expected to come home and the house wouldn't be ours and we'd owe someone a lot of money... Peter- How can you half expect something? Lois- It's just a turn of phrase. Peter- How do you turn a phrase? Lois- God your dumb... Thank god for that ass. |
| Lois- Look Peter, the kids made you a birthday card. It says, "We care about you daddy... love Meg, Chris, and Stewie" Stewie- What?! I didn't sign anything! Let me see that! (Looks card over) Oh, I suppose you think that backwards 'E' is priceless, huh? Oh, I am so going to crap double for you tonight! |
| (Stewie puts on Lois' make-up and is admiring himself in the mirror) Lois- Stewie, that's mommy's make up! Go to your room! Brian- Wow, the evidence is really piling up. Stewie- Make any joke you want, you know I look good. |
| Newscaster- Here's an artists' depiction of what the arsonist might look like. (shows a picture of a giant beetle breathing fire on the city) Wait... We've just been anonymously tipped that the REAL arsonist has been found. Giant beetle from picture- Good.... Good.... |
| Cleveland- Maybe he won't recognize you. Inmate- You and all your friends are dead, you're all dead! Peter- Oh good, he thinks we're zombies. |