journal

Thursday, April 25, 2002
Well, first day of writing a journal on the internet. It's kind of weird to think that anyone could read this. Well, today I went to my pediatrician (did I spell that right?) because I've been so tired this whole term that I've probably only been to 3 or 4 days in the past 3 weeks. The other day when my mom called in to excuse me from being absent from school the secretary in the office, who always feels the need to diagnose everyone, told my mom that mono had been going around. So, we decided to go for a check-up and make sure I didn't have that. I got some blood tests but he didn't think that I had it. He told me that he thinks I'm going to end up like my big brother. Thanks for the words of encouragement, doc. My brother hasn't gone to school since 9th grade. He's 17, going on 18 in October. I guess technically that makes him a drop-out, but he's going to take his GED (that's what it's called, right?) so he can just finish high school and go into college. But, anyways, he told me to double my medication (Celexa) and see if that helps and if it doesn't in 2 weeks then he wants me to double it again. Thank goodness my mom remembers those kind of things better than I do. He prescribed this sleeping medicine for me to take for a week and see if it helps. I can't remember what it's called, I'll have to tell you later. I've been in for 2 sleep tests and the first time my EEG spiked and the second time it was more normal, but they think that bad sleep is part of the problem. Well, duh. He also gave me a new "schedule." I like how doctors think they can just re-organize your life for you. Now what we all need is the same schedule so you don't accidentally call someone during their jazzercize class. Anyways... he doesn't want me to go to school, but I refused to do home-schooling, so we compromised and my mom is going to call my school and see if they'll let me go 1/2 day again. I tried it before and it really helped, but I don't know if it will help this time. When I get home from school he wants me to take a nap and then exercise for 10 minutes, adding 5 more minutes every 3 days up to an hour. I'm also supposed to give him a written thing about what I do for fun. That may take awhile. I also bought new shoes today. Nothing cheers you up like a brand new pair of Nikes.
That's all for now,
Katie

Friday, April 26, 2002
I didn't go to school today either. Hey, if I'm gonna miss a week, I might as well miss A WEEK, right? My mom called my school and worked something out with the counselor. I'm going to go to 1st and 2nd period on one day and then 4th and 5th the next day and so on and so forth. I don't have to go to 3rd and 6th if I don't want to because they're just elective classes. That should help my tiredness, but I just know that when I get to school there's going to be a flood of questions. "What's wrong with you? Why are you always sick? You don't look sick!" I almost wish I had mono. People understand mono. When you say "I wasn't here because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/Fibromyalgia" they just look at you like you have a pickle up your nose and want you to explain, which isn't that easy to do. Even one of my best friends asked me why I was always sick today. I was like, "Hello! Haven't we gone over this?" I mean, what do they want me to do, draw a diagram? But I guess they're just people, right? It's hard for them to understand if they haven't had it. Hopefully this might help people understand more. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, it's actually kind of fun to put all my thoughts down in front of the world. At least if they laugh I can't hear them, right? I was going to go to our school musical to see some of my friends that were in it but nobody could go. Figures. My mom got my make-up homework from my school and that's pretty much what I did all day. What fun.
More tomorrow,
Katie

Saturday, April 27, 2002
Today I woke up and laid in my bed while I listened to the rain hitting my window outside. I'd forgotten how peaceful that was. When I woke up I wished that I'd stayed in bed. I feel like that a lot now-a-days, though. I helped my family clean the house and the yard and all that "fun" stuff. Then I really wanted to go see my friends in the school musical, and tonight being the last night they were doing it, I started calling some of my friends to see if they could go. Surprisingly enough, they all went yesterday, except for some that just couldn't go. So I ended up taking my little sister. When I was a little kid I always prayed for a little sister and now that I've got one she drives me crazy. She's kind of at that annoying "LOOK AT ME!" stage (she's 7) and sometimes I just want to sit on her. But we have some fun "bonding" time. I was so tired through the whole thing that I was literally falling asleep during the quieter songs. I ended up playing SNAKE on my dad's cell phone that he let me borrow during the slow songs to keep me awake so I wouldn't hurt my sister's feelings or anything. I got a high score! Do you have any idea how hard that game can get? My little sister is also having problems not knowing what to feel. My younger brother (age 8) has ADHD, RAD, and a HUGE list of diseases and accronyms (SP? I know that isn't right.) that I won't even list because it'd drain me of my remaining energy. We've had him for 6 years (all 3 of my younger siblings are adopted) and lately it's just gotten worse. He used so much time and energy from my family that we almost forgot what it was like to have fun together. Finally, we sent him to residential care, which seems to be helping somewhat. I feel guilty about being mad at him but I am. I mean, my family was perfectly fine until he came and made it a part-time living heck. Now we are so focused on healing him that we haven't had enough time to heal us. What's the point of him being there if we're just going to be over there all the time tucking him in for bed and things and he being here on the weekends and stuff... that probably sounds horrible but it's how I feel. I feel really guilty to be having these feelings towards my brother. I mean, I'll always LOVE him, but right now I really just don't LIKE him, if you get what I'm saying. I think the only sibling I haven't mentioned is my youngest brother (age 3). He and I are great pals. He has Cerebral Palsy (I can't spell worth crap today) and some other things I think but to me he just seems like a normal kid. My older brother and I are good friends, too, it's just the other 2 I have problems with. Anyways...
Have to go,
Katie