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| Friday 8-17-01 11:43 p.m.: As you can see, I changed my layout and color scheme a little bit. Don't know if I'll leave it, but I think I like it better than the other. That's what I did tonight instead of going out. I worked earlier today, and I was just too tired when I got home to do anything else. I may go out tomorrow night and get fucked up with friends or something. Who knows... I'm not a plan-making kind of woman. Oh, and by the way... my ex showed up at my door out of the blue about 2 1/2 hours after I made my last post on Tuesday. I hadn't seen that fucker since probably last November, and he just saunters on up to my porch like it wasn't a "thang". I started out with the attitude of "This is quite amusing to me, but I am not sleeping with you, and you are NOT getting anywhere underneath my pajamas." Long story short... everything was left totally up to me as far as what I wanted to happen. I thought about it and finally decided to invoke the "I'd rather regret something I did do, rather than something I didn't" rule. Except in this case, I don't regret getting laid. Sex for sex's sake is cool sometimes, but I don't think I need to go there again with the ex. There's a reason why he's an ex. But DAMN! the sex sure was good, heh... |
| Tuesday 8-14-01 9:11 p.m.: Three days in a row I've gotten off my lazy ass and went walking through the local cemetary (no significance about it being a cemetary... I just like walking there because it's peaceful). For me, that's saying alot. Normally I quit any exercise after the first day. Normally I just say "fuck it" ON the first day... I've surprised even myself, but I think I want it bad enough this time. "I just wanna look good naked!" to paraphrase Kevin Spacey in American Beauty. I'm doing it as an avenue to release my anger in a positive way. Life owes me nothing. No one "owes" me anything... but the next time I hear how "great" my personality is I will scream. I will snatch a bitch up, pop em softly in the forehead, and scream. I'm doing the exercising so I can feel like I'm back in control of things. (On a side note, if a certain person named **** is reading this, I'm not mad at you, baby. This isn't about you personally and what you said. It's about me doing what I need to be doing in the first place. If anything I should thank you. You know I don't have anything but "madlove" and adoration for ya.) What it boils down to is this: I can sit here and blame everything under the sun for what's wrong in my life, or I can get off my ass and do something about it. And that's what I'm doing... getting off my ass. So we'll see how things develop... * the blue maple * i worship monkeys * monkeys worship me * |
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| Monday 8-13-01 9:51 p.m.: I'm in a pissy mood. I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's because I haven't gotten laid in awhile. Maybe it's because of some other reason. Who gives a fuck?? I just generally feel like taking a baseball bat and beating the fuck out of a tree or something. I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING OR TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS LIKE THIS. :) On a positive note, I went walking again today. Gotta get my fat/phat lazy ass in shape. I had a story to tell you folks, but I don't feel like fuckin' telling it right now, so I'm gonna go work somewhere else on my page. Till later... * Mortal Kitty Kombat * |
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| Tuesday 8-07-01 11:37 p.m.: I don't have much to say right now. I'm feeling kinda perturbed today. I went to work, but things were extremely slow, and people just weren't tipping. They asked me if I wanted to go home about 3 o'clock. I should've stayed just to get the hours, but I was BORED and tired and the weather was hot as hell, so I opted to go home. I can't stand to be bored. The air conditioning in my car doesn't always work, and I'm too poor to get it fixed right now. On a good note, I got to admire the guy from the golf store next to us. He's really cute, but my self-esteem hasn't exactly been up to par here lately, so that's all I'm doing... admiring from afar. I don't need anymore rejection right now... I swear, if one more person tells me how "great & nice & fun" I am and how "great my personality is", I'm gonna SCREAM! I don't come across as "needy". I am a pretty cool person to know and hang out with if I do say so myself, and I don't weigh 800 pounds, and I'm not dog-ugly, so what is it?!! I'm only half-heartedly bitching. I'm feeling kinda restless at the moment and don't have much to talk about. I think I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette and maybe go to bed... I never go to bed this "early", but there's not much else of shit to do. *sigh*... (mp3 currently playing: Pink Floyd - "Great Gig in the Sky") |
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| Monday August 6, 2001 7:43 a.m.: I spent the biggest part of Saturday night & Sunday morning updating the rest of the graphics on the other parts of my site. I woke up Sunday afternoon, about 4 o'clock, to hear my brother complaining to my mother about how I "stayed on that thing all freakin' night and wouldn't let him on" blah blah blah... I think he called me "cunt" again or something. I dunno. I don't intentionally try to be a bitch, but hello? It's my computer, paid for with my money, and I was doing MY work on it. They didn't know I was listening, but it just puts me in a shitty mood when I gotta wake up and THAT SHIT is the first thing I hear. I finally got up, showered, and went to my cousin's to chill for the rest of the day. We watched American Beauty (which I've seen before... and loved each time) and Bring It On (really cheesy movie, but charming in it's own "fluffy, sorta popcorn" way). I got most of my site updated and pulled together (only a tiny bit to go). Now I can work on CONTENT more, heh. I got a long ways to go as far as skills and all that goes, but we all had to start somewhere!! In the meantime... * Misplaced Hate * Are you compulsive? * Gyrate, baby!! * |
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