Jan31Feb82001

Monday 2-05-01 4:48 p.m.:
I just woke up from a nap. I went jogging/walking in the cemetary earlier and felt too tired to move when i got back, so I took a nap on the couch. I hated the exercise the whole time I was doing it, but afterwards it wasn't so bad. And no, it's not the "snse of accomplishment" that made me feel good. I felt good knowing I was on my way to lookin' how I wanna look when I'm naked. heh... I still feel kinda "spacey" from the nap, but it's cool. It's not like I have anywhere in particular to go or anything to do. I've been nothing but lazy these last 3 days I've had off. I did go hang out with some very dear friends of mine Saturday night that I hadn't seen in awhile. and then the jogging today... I just need to be more consistent in gettin' outta the house. I need to go apartment-hunting soon, too. Can't stay up under my mama's feet forever. I've only been home about a month or so, and sure, it's nice, but I need my own space back. No roommates this time. Only special overnight guests...

Saturday 2-03-01 4:04 p.m.:
I kinda wanna go out tonight, but I'm not sure. I figure the only thing holding me back is this incessant desire to hole up and hide in my room for the rest of my natural life. Which is kind of ironic, seeing as how I let my family drive me fucking APESHIT sometimes (yes I cuss alot, sometimes, depending on my mood - get over it or stop reading). It's not so much them as it is a combination of things. I don't know. When you're in a foul mood, everything seems shitty to you. Oh yeah... that and I got PMS. It's always easy to blame stuff on that. So like, I could go out tonight (and I might still... the day is early), but I certainly couldn't let myself get laid. I was never one for fucking while on the rag... it's just messy and uncomfortable. I think it would change my state of mind tremendously to get laid right now. RIGHT NOW! Plus it would help matters, because then the last dick I had wouldn't be my ex's, but I digress *sigh*...

Wednesday 1-31-01 11:23 p.m.:
"I hate the way you talk to me and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick, it even makes me rhyme. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all..." (I hate you G.S.)

I copied that from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You and have had it tacked on my fridge ever since. It struck me as fitting to put it here. I'm not sure where I'm going with this whole "online journal" thing or even if I'll keep it up. I'm just sort of winging it for now and letting it flow wherever it wants to. I am by nature a very private person (depending on who is around and whether or not I'm cool with ya ;) ), but I figured this was as good a place as any to vent or cry or laugh or scream or just let shit go... I'm not doing it for YOU. It humors me for now, and I just happen to be letting you peek in... so close your eyes and enjoy the ride...