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It was a little boy's first day in school, and his teacher was going to play a "guessing" game. She asked each student to close their eyes and then she passed out items to each of them. She then proceeded to ask each student what item they received. When it was little Ricky's turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss. "Do you know what it is?" she asked. "No," Ricky replied. The teacher said, "Go ahead...open it up and taste it." Little Ricky did so. The teacher then asked, "Now do you know what it is?" Little Ricky said, "Noooooo." The teacher said, "I'll give you a hint. It is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work." Little Mary in the back of the class jumps up and screams, "Ricky, SPIT IT OUT!!.....IT'S A PIECE OF ASS!!!" |
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!" |
An atheist was walking through the woods, admiring all that the "accidents" that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw the grizzly was closing. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run faster. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw strike him. At that instant the atheist cried, "Oh my God..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, " You deny my existence for all these years, teach others that I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, " It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?" "Very well" said the voice. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest resumed. ...And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful." |
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