| Here's a very good piece of advice I'd like to share with you all: Don't ever try updating your website while you're high as a fucking kite. Heh. I "accidentally" erased my entire front page, links and all, the other night. No big deal, however... I needed to clean things up a bit anyway. I've got enough to keep you amused for now. I'll come back in a bit and finish the rest. Oh yeah... tomorrow is my birthday. I'm gonna go take the slut test at www.thespark.com and see if I've changed any, heh. :) Update - 7:35 p.m.: I've only receded in sluttiness by 1%. Instead of 56%, I'm down to 55%. :( On the other hand, I'm one percent less of a bitch now. ;) |
| I don't waste alot of my life hating people, but if there's one person I DO hate, it's the fuckers that don't keep their big-assed dogs on a fucking leash. They just let the mean sons-of-bitches run loose. I went walking earlier today, down my country road, and this one lady neighbor was outside with her black dog. They live up on a hill sort of, and they have no fence. So of course, the dog sees me and starts barking and running and stopping and barking and walking closer. I stopped walking out of instinct, giving the dog this "Bite me and I swear to God I will beat the shit out of your dog ass while I go down bleeding" look. I look up at the neighbor lady, and she's got this stupid look on her face and saying, "Just keep on walking, ma'am. He won't bite you." I walk a few steps, the dog tests my patience, walks a few steps closer to me. I stopped again. Same thing went on about 4 or 5 times. Finally I stopped and yelled at the lady, "ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR GODDAMNED DOG CUZ IF HE FUCKING BITES ME, I'M GONNA BE JUST THE SLIGHTEST BIT PISSED?!!", at which point the dog must have sensed that I had no fear because he took off running back up the hill and the lady just had this dumb look on her face. I stomped off and continued on my way, heh. At that point I had such an andrenaline rush of anger that I probably would've ripped the fucker's legs off if he had bit me. |
| between consciousness and sleep... (Friday 8-23-02 10:09 p.m.) |
| How come the only time we ever talk is when you're fucked up? How come all we ever talk about is sex, drugs, and rock and roll? How come we never talk about the stuff that counts? The stuff that really means anything in the grand scheme of things? How come I can't be perfect like everyone else? Why is there so much pressure to be perfect in this fucking world? I bet then you would notice me. I bet then it would be easy for me to get under your skin. How come it's always about everyone else but never me? Why can't it be me for once? When do I get to feel like they do? Huh? When is it going to be my time? Why am I so self-centered? I'm sorry. Can you forgive me for ever doubting you? I love you. I don't understand it, and it won't go away. Make it go away. Help me stop the bleeding. Jesus, I'm fucked... |
| rambling on at work... (Wednesday 8-21-02 3:30 p.m.) |
| I am easily moved by the words of others, yet I run and hide from my own... I came up with that the other day. I figure it's the start of a great poem; just the rest hasn't come to me yet. What have I been up to lately? Not much. Just working alot and spending far too much time on the internet on my days off. The internet will rot your brain, you know? I moved out of my cousin's place (far too chaotic there) and back to my mom's for awhile. Living in my cousin's trailer were me, her, her husband, their 3-year-old son, her best friend (now ex-best friend) that was going through a divorce, and the friend's 2-year-old daughter. Yeah. Need I say more? I didn't think so, but I will anyway. I've always been a very laid back, easy-going kind of person. I enjoy, perhaps even revel in, having my own space and time to myself. It was just a bunch of stupid stuff going on, and never a moment's peace, at least not for me because I always had to hear the drama. Some people thrive on drama. Not me! It finally reached a point where I decided since I didn't have to put up with it, I wasn't going to. Suddenly being 32 and having to move back home to your mother's for awhile doesn't sound so pathetic, lol. So I chose to move. When you're just trying to do your own thing, and you're living with one female who's not happy with her life and wants to take it out on others and another female who has no common sense whatsoever but thinks she knows everything and is a slob, AND two little kids... it all becomes too difficult to deal with. Other than myself, the husband was the only laid-back one in the household. I love my little cousin dearly though. I miss alot of things about being there with him, but I just couldn't stay anymore. I hope he eventually learns that it's not the "norm" to go through life so angry at the world. As for his mama, I love her dearly, too, but I wish for her sake that she'd allow herself to be happy. When you subconsciously try to do the impossible - which is control everything at all times - it makes for a very unhappy person on the inside. Go visit the people I worship at the feet of... (pimp daddies and dailies on the left, you dolts)! Later... |
| i hate people who don't put their dogs on leashes... (Tuesday 5-21-02 9:26 p.m.) |
| birthday eve... (Saturday 5-04-02 7:17 p.m.) |
| hydrocodones, darvocets & vicodins - oh my!... (Tuesday 8-27-02 9:08 p.m.) |
| No, my previous entry wasn't about you. You may have had a little something to do with the inspiration behind it, but it was purely a work of fiction. You, my dear sweet lovely friend, are non-fiction all the way. If I had something to say to you, I'd say it. I'd call you up and whisper it in your ear, like the voice of a ghost. It's not my style to make you read between the lines. It's not my style to make you play hide and seek with the things I have in mind. It's not my style... Updated the #arkirc section of my site for all you local peoples out there. I made a couple of buttons for the links on the left but didn't like how they came out so I decided to use the ones you see now, which were made for me by my friend, Black Label. Thanks to him. Thanks to Kromey as well for sending me another button for the otp site. I do appreciate it even though I ended up not using it. Eventually I'll get around to making a new one for misplacedhate and for Lester, but I gotta get something better than MS Paint. I can't have Lester's being smaller than all the other guys'. ;) I switched my phone service over today and put in my order for dsl here, so in a couple of weeks I'll go foraging for a better program. I love my cat, but I swear if she doesn't stop making those smacking and slurping noises in the background while giving herself a bath while I write this, I will knock her to the heavens. |
| the people under the stairs... (Saturday 8-31-02 12:46 a.m.) |
| Jeez, lady, would it kill ya to crack a smile? I see some of the unhappiest-looking people while I'm on my deliveries. So I went back underneath the house again today. No I haven't lost my mind (okay, maybe I have but not in the sense that I mean here). I started messing around underneath there yesterday, trying to switch out a couple of phone jacks. Had to move the wiring around and stuff, but I cut it too short and couldn't get more wiring till today. It was kinda creepy but not too bad. I had my mom and aunt cracking up as I was getting dressed to go underneath. I had shorts and a t-shirt on but I put on some jogging pants to cover my legs, socks for my feet, and a long-sleeved shirt to cover my arms. Oh, and gloves - mustn't forget the gloves. I was gonna make damned sure I didn't feel bugs touching me. It's not so much the bugs that I mind, but I absolutely hate spiders and those grasshopper/cricket things that look kinda like spiders. I went underneath the first time while it was still light outside but had to go back under again after dark. I didn't like it so much the second time, haha. It wasn't the darkness that bothered me, but I started to feel slightly claustrophobic. I thought to myself, "You know... I could easily slide into a panic attack right now. Must remain calm..." I tried not to think about it too much. I mean, I knew no one but me was going to get done what had to be done, and I had to do it before I could get out. Otherwise, I would just have to go right back under. I sort of zenned out. Didn't let myself really think about it, but once I was back out in the open air, I sure was greatful, heh. I didn't like being in such a small confining space with no exit RIGHT THERE where I could get out right away if I needed to. I was telling friends at work about it today, and one co-worker expressed a fear of snakes, hehe. I've never been afraid of snakes, but the whole time I was underneath the house today, I'm thinking, "Okay, Trishka, just get done what needs to be done and get your ass outta here!" I was glad to be finished with it. AND IT WORKS! I did the phone jacks up right and everything. I felt like I actually accomplished something. I had gone to Home Depot and bought more phone line, a wall module, and some wire splicers and stuff. I saved myself about 60 bucks by doing it myself instead of having the phone company do it. My phone bill is gonna be outrageous enough as it is these next couple of months with me ordering the dsl and everything. But at least I don't have to go back under the house! I miss you. I try not to, but I do. :) |
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