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| Sunday 12-30-01 9:33 p.m.: Yeah yeah... whatever. I updated my links to the left. I added a new one. This guy sent me an out-of-the-blue email and mentioned a link exchange. I had seen his link on Misplacedhate.com before but just had never clicked on it. I'm glad he emailed me, though. I've only had time to check out a little bit of the site, but I've been blown away so far. Go check it out. I added him to my "Significant Others", too. As far as everything else in my life? Well... I'm not gonna go there. I don't have the energy, physically OR emotionally to do it right now... Sunday 12-09-01 10:14 p.m.: What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage created you a monster... broken by the rules of love and fate has lead you through it you do what you have to do and fate has led you through it you do what you have to do... I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go every moment marked with apparitions of your soul I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire the yearning to be near you I do what I have to do the yearning to be near you... I do what I have to do but I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go a glowing ember burning hot... burning slow deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do I know I can't be with you I do what I have to do and I have sense to recognize but I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go I don't know how to let you go... --------------------------------------- I laid there and tried not to cry, eyes staring straight ahead at the tv. I don't remember what program it was. It's not something I was really paying attention to... I don't remember much of what was said. I remember everything that was felt. I felt right there, those moments, wasn't something I wanted to leave. I never wanted to go, and I was sad because I had to. I said I was sorry that I couldn't "handle" my emotions. You said it was ok because it was a cry full of passion. It was from the heart. You said it while you stroked my hair... and told me to let all of it go... and asked me if it felt good to cry. You kept telling me to let it go... I don't think you realize how much that endeared you to me - the comfort that it brought. I couldn't have avoided falling for you if I tried. I just don't know what to do with it now that it's "there", but I know I know I don't want to forget it. I miss you something terribly, you ass.... Tuesday 12-04-01 8:28 p.m.: Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you. By now, you should've somehow realized what you've got to do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now... Backbeat... the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now... And all the roads we have to walk are winding... And all the lights that lead us there are blinding... There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how... Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me. And afterall, you're my wonderwall... Today was gonna be the day, but they'll never throw it back to you. By now, you should've somehow realized what you're not to do. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now... And all the roads that lead you there are winding... And all the lights that light the way are blinding... There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how... I said, maybe... you're gonna be the one that saves me. And afterall, you're my wonderwall... -------------------------------------------- I love you, or rather... I could have a whole lot of love for you... someday. You don't gotta say it back. You don't even have to feel it in return. I'm just saying... that's what I felt but couldn't say to your face... or in an email... or on icq... or on the phone. Everytime I said I hated you or liked you a whole, whole, whole lot... I really meant I loved you... and the way I felt when I was with you. Wednesday 11-28-01 2:19 a.m.: Yeah, I know. "Oh my god!!! She updated!!" you're saying. All two of you that still come here regularly. :p I'm flying out to Boston in the morning. Early afternoon actually. Gonna spend about a week out there... or more... you never know. I'm not exactly at liberty to discuss it at this point... *winkwink*... You'll notice I still have my theother44.com banners up. I cancelled that domain registration cuz I never did updates, and I couldn't see continuing to pay for something I never touched. Things have just been kinda crazy lately. I got "demoted" at work for the next 4 months or so because of a speeding ticket that is still on my record. I have a total of three with 2 of them over a year ago, but according to THEIR standards, that's too many within 2 years' time. One drops off in March, so I'm gonna try and stick it out there till then. I love being a delivery driver because I get to meet lots of interesting people, but mostly because tips are REALLY, REALLY good. As for why I haven't updated for shit... again - I go through my "moods" where I don't much feel like joining the rest of you in living an outwardly happy life. :p I get depressed and stuff, and I tend to wanna be a hermit. I think it's just the season for it. Alot of people I know are going through the same thing. I gotta go for now. I'll update while on the road if I can. If not, I'll update when I get back. Much love to those that count... Tuesday 10-30-01 1:39 p.m.: spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it ok there's always some reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day I need some distraction oh a beautiful release memories seep from my veins and maybe empty oh weightless and maybe you'll find some peace tonight in the arms of the angel far away from here and this sweet madness oh this glory and sadness that brings me to my knees in the arms of an angel far away from here... -------------------------- Okay, so I don't update for shit, but I have a life. I have things I have to do. I have emotions. I have my mood swings. It's not like I have a big audience. I'm sure I have my regulars, like some of these guys and this guy, but I refuse to become a slave to my website. I do what I can, when I can, to update and add new content and provide interesting links, but I refuse to start feeling obligated to do it everyday. Things have just felt kinda "fucked up" around here lately. I've spent some of my time brooding, feeling sorry for myself and weaving in and out of having the blues. I've spent the rest of my time playing games and watching movies. I should get more sleep. That would help shit alot. On a positive note, this weekend was fun! heh... I went up Friday and spent the night at the friends' house where we had the Halloween party on Saturday night. Got drunk and got high Saturday night, took lots of pictures of everyone, and slept it off Sunday. :) I haven't got the film developed yet, but I will... soon. Then I'll get somebody to scan the pics and post them here. We had lots of Fallen Angels, a Farmer from Hicksville, a vampire (She really is, in real life, from Transylvania... how cool is that?! heh), a fairy, Net Man, a Black Widow, Merlin, Wonder Woman, a GWAR-looking dude, but my favorite was probably my friend Gox that came dressed in jeans and an orange shirt. We made him a sign that said, "I'm a fuckin' pumpkin" and pinned it to the front of his shirt. Anyways, I'll get the pictures developed sometime this week. This is a site I just started checking out today. It was referred to my by my friend tdpriest. So far it looks pretty interesting although I haven't had alot of time to spend on it yet. If you're into FREE online rpg's, check these guys out! * One more time... * BEER GODS * |
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