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| Click below and go to KPUT Bios and Future Obits and learn about four guys who don't even read their own Facebook pages. |
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| Click below and go to the KPUT Archives for pages dating back to the year before Mark Zuckerberg could even start up his own car. |
| Copyright 2009 KPUT Komedy Ink. All rights reserved. |
| February 2009 |
Updated KPUT Archives Last Month's Page Barack Obama Presidential Badass |
| The material on this website was hacked, coughed, and spit into a tissue by: Ben DeJean Hector DeJean Glen Keenan Steve Scholz |
| 4:45 a.m. |
| Terms of Use Date of Last Revision: Right Now, 2009. By opening your Facebook account, you confirm that you have read the entire Terms of Use. You also confirm that you agree to each of the following terms stated in the paragraphs and sections below. 1. You agree to the illusion of control over your personal life as it gets displayed for anyone to see. You agree to the mythical notion that there is no accountability for your actions on a social media site. By agreeing to these two ideas, you additionally agree never to question them. 2. You agree that Facebook holds the right to keep copies forever of any photos you post on your pages. We especially hold the right to all photos you find embarrassing or have tried to delete or untag. They’re still around and we’ve got them. You agree that at anytime, without further notice, we can show these photos to your entire family, your friends past and present, and any other people we choose. This may include, but is not limited to your current supervisor, your prospective employers, all potential boyfriends/girlfriends, your neighbors, complete strangers, third world countries, otherworldly creatures and assorted perverts. 3. You agree that all the status updates you have ever posted will be read aloud to you during various inopportune moments throughout the rest your life such as job reviews, family reunions, and intimate moments of passion. The same will occur with every piece of writing you have ever written on someone’s Wall. You agree that some writings may also appear in public venues for more rapid results. Remember that time you drunk posted? That’s the one you’ll be seeing on the Jumbotron. |
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| You agree that your account with Facebook may be terminated by us without warning, and your face returned to you or a relative of our choice via an overnight shipping service billed to you. You agree that we reserve the right to make changes at anytime, without notice, to your page, your face, your soul, your DNA and any offspring you may have now or in the future. |
| DON’T FUCK WITH THE FACEBOOK. SERIOUSLY. |
| If you do not wish to participate in these Terms of Use, you may completely close your account and delete all your information at any time. Oh wait, you can’t. You think just because it’s free you get whatever you want, right? Ha. Sincerely Ours, The Facebook Team |
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| Once you have opened your Facebook account, your face and anything you put on it becomes immediate property of Facebook. You cannot do anything with your face again unless we approve. You are also required to select a profile photo upon joining. If you do not choose a profile photo, you will be given a blue-headed face. This will also happen in real life. Should you die while holding an account with Facebook, your face will be surgically removed from your body and brought to our corporate headquarters, where it may be reattached to other faceless bodies or used to supplement the already blue-headed users. If you attempt to resist becoming a blue-headed face, or having your face removed, keep in mind the following. We know where you live, we know all your e-mail addresses and phone numbers, we know who all your best friends are, what you had for breakfast this morning, and where you’ll be partying tonight. We have not been spying on you. We know all this because you’ve posted this information on your Facebook page. Everyone can start freaking out right now. |
| FACEBOOK, ITS SUPPLIERS, LICENSORS AND PARTNERS DO NOT WARRANT THAT THIS SITE, OR YOUR FACE, WILL BE AVAILABLE, UNINTERRUPTED OR ERROR FREE, OR THAT DEFECTS WILL EVER BE CORRECTED, OR BE FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER STRANGE AND HARMFUL RASHES. USE OF THE FACEBOOK SERVICE IS AT YOUR OWN RISK. THE FACEBOOK SERVICE, FACEBOOK WEBSITES AND ALL APPLICATIONS, FEATURES AND CONTENT CANNOT BE HELD LIABLE FOR ANYTHING WHICH MAY POSSIBLY GO WRONG WHILE USING THEM, INCLUDING PROPERTY DAMAGE, JOB LOSS, LOSS OF RESPECT, LOSS OF LIFE OR LIMB, OR ANY OTHER SURPRISES SUCH AS YOUR CELL PHONE MYSTERIOUSLY DRUNK-DIALING YOUR EXES, OR YOUR FACE SUDDENLY APPEARING ON THE BODY OF SOME GYRATING PORN STAR IN A LINK GIVEN TO ALL FACEBOOK USERS. |
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| Presents An Exclusive Look At The Newly Revised Terms Of Service For |
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