PPain

A fantasy.

That's all Lance would ever be to him.

An illusion.

That will accompany him through the lonely nights.

A nightmare.

He figured that this qualified as one.

A hope harbored.

He had tried so hard to get his attention. Yet Lance only had eyes for JC. It didn’t matter what he did. From standing in between them during photo shoots or sitting right in the middle. It didn't separate them at all. Hell, they seem to find other ways to touch each other, to do the flirting thing. He decided to take the offensive and make the first move.

A dream chased.

He told Lance how he felt about him. He prepared for the special occasion. Flowers, candles, champagne. He even got the strawberries covered in chocolate. He was going to reveal how he felt about Lance and then, they would live happily ever after.

A rejected love.

Damn Murphy's law that anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

In the end, nothing happened the way it was supposed to. Oh, good old Lance let him down gently. He said that he was in love with someone else and they would still be friends just like before. Lance also mentioned something about finding the one for him soon.

Fuck that. The one guy he wanted was Lance. He didn't want anyone else. He told him that and started on his rather short journey to heartbreak when he saw the pity and guilt in his beautiful emerald eyes. "Sorry." was all Lance said before bolting out of the hotel room.

Hopes dashed.

"Sorry." His ass. What was really screwed up was the fact that Lance announced his relationship with JC that had been going on for two months. Two fucking, bloody, moronic months.

The very next day.

It damn right broke his heart to see the looks of apology and pity sent his way from Lance and the possessive looks and glares from JC. It was plain fucked-up. He really wished that they would be happy with their damn arrangements. He was never ever going to forgive either of them.

Pain.

All that's left in his broken heart and depressed mind was hate and pain. Actually, he gave a short, bitter smile as he corrected himself. All that's left is the pain and the hatred that stemmed from the pain.

It's a fucked up reality.

He now has to see his love make goo-goo eyes at JC. He has to endure the glares and biting quips from the irate brunette who was still upset over him making a move on his Lance. He has to go through the process where Lance pretends that everything is fine between the two of them and they are still friends. Things are never going back to normal.

At least not now.

Not when he was still trying to find a way out of his pain. He wanted to wallow in the pain that has become his only comfort in the lonely nights for a while longer. He just wanted to pity himself. He wanted to make Lance suffer more.

Some comfort offered.

"Hey, Joey." Justin suddenly pulled aside the curtain separating their bunks on the tour bus from the outside world.

"Can't a guy get some damn privacy here?" Joey snapped. He just wanted to go back to the numb state of mind he was in. Maybe he could stop feeling the pain soon.

"I…I just wanted to give you this. It's what I bring to bed when I feel upset or lonely. I think you need it more than me. So there. It's…it's clean. I washed it and hung it out to dry yesterday. You bumped into it too. I'll leave you alone now." The curly hair boy dropped a goofy-looking brown bear with curly fur in the older man's lap before pulling the curtain back.

"Thanks." Joey called out, fingering the bear. It was a gesture of comfort, of friendship. He felt a bit better. The best he had felt in days since…and the pain comes rushing back. Joey clutched the bear tightly, crushing its arm. Oddly enough, he feels the pain lessening.

Maybe one day, he can get over them being a couple.

Joey pulls open the curtain to find Justin for a game on the Playstation. The sight of JC and Lance curled up in the couch stops him. Another twist in his heart. The bear's arm crushed another time.

Maybe one day but not now.

Not when the pain is still fresh.