REQUEST FOR INTERVIEW STILL UNANSWERED
This Paper Requested Interview Weeks Ago
By: U.R. Lyon
Fredericksburg, Virginia - This newspaper requested an interview with His Royal Highness several weeks ago, and as of this writing, a response has yet to be received.
What is King Steven afraid of? Editor-In-Chief Plecinski is incensed over the King Mathena's lack of cordiality. "To deny access to the press is to deny access to the people," he said.
This paper has given the His Highness an opportunity to speak to the people of the South, through a Southern paper, not one of those Yankee rags we take to the outhouse.
Mr. Plecinski still demands we provide balance in our reports. Since the Union Royal Palace refuses to respond, he has told us to "verify as best we can" our stories prior to publishing.
Apparently, King Steven has not been granting access to any of the northern press either. He seems to be ruling rather than governing. A recent edition of The Union Chronicle laments His Royal Highness, King Steven I's lack of candor with the people.
Your Highness, it is still not too late to change the course of our nations. Grant the interview, unless it is your goal to take our nations deeper into war!
The editors and staff urge our readers to contact King Steven Mathena to urge him to grant access to the press.
IN OTHER NEWS
UNION PRESIDENT DESPISES FOUNDING FATHERS
Grandfather Was First Cousin To King George III
By: I.M. Wright
Vienna, Virginia - A "Senior Official" at the Union White House has contacted this reporter on condition of anonymity, with some appalling news. President Mathena is related to the British Crown. He is in fact close enough to the Royal household in England that he is in line of succession.
According to the official, "the Hanover coat-of-arms is situated above the Presidential Seal in the Oval Office." The Hanovers, are the line of King George III.
President Mathena had been overheard blaming the Founding Fathers for his current problems. "If those (explicatives deleted) Jefferson, Adams, and Franklin, hadn't gotten all uppity and broken from Mother England, none of this would be happening. I hate those (explicatives deleted)," he was heard to say.
When asked, the official said "I can't take this to the northern papers. They would tell the Administration who I am. Already two people in the staff have disappeared, I don't want to be the third."
This story is developing.
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