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| Mostly Funny Quotes 17 |
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| Stuff |
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| On going to war over religion: "You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." - Richard Jeni "The margin of error in astrology is plus or minus one hundred percent." - Calvin Trillin "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug." - Mark Twain One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I'm having a good time. ~ Chinese Proverb "Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, wouldn't you be paranoid?" - Steven Wright "If you go flying back through time and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact." - Jack Handey Wouldn't it be great if we could take all the pollution in the world, pile it up all neat-like, and hide it somewhere? We could call that place, "New Jersey." (George MacMillan) DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face but not knowing exactly when. "I talk to myself a lot. It bothers people though 'cause I use a megaphone." - Steven Wright "I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, 'Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog.' He told me to get off his couch." - Rodney Dangerfield "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?" "Like a baby treats a diaper." "Somebody's boring me. I think it's me." -- Dylan Thomas Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. ~~Will Rogers "Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture." -- Steven Wright "If you're lost in the woods, start playing solitaire with a pack of cards. Someone is sure to show up and tell you to put the red jack on the black queen." - unknown |