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| Mostly Funny Quotes 19 |
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| Stuff |
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| "I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests." - Steven Wright It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday just exactly fits the newspaper. ~~Jerry Seinfeld "I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge." (Edward Chilton) "My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed." (Christopher Morley) I am a deeply superficial person. (Andy Warhol) I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time". (Steven Wright) Hermits have no peer pressure. (Steven Wright) Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? (Steven Wright) Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" -Rita Rudner What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness "The real menace in dealing with a five-year old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year old." ~Jean Kerr "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!' " - Bruce Baum All power corrupts, but we need electricity -- D. W. Jones To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy. -- Will Durant "I think we agree, the past is over." ---George W. Bush Sometimes you go to a nice restaurant, they put the check in the little book. What is this, the story of the bill? "Once upon a time somebody ordered a salad." There's a little gold tassel hanging down. Am I graduating from the restaurant? Should I put this on the rearview mirror of my Camaro? -- Jerry Seinfeld Don't wake me for the end of the world unless it has very good special effects. - Roger Zelazny |